I'm back with another issue...I'm in a very stable relationship and we have been at this for 6 years and are still holding on. Well lately I've found myself daydreaming and fantasing about other men .... men from my past. Well me and "Dad"( I have always called him Dad, but I DO NOT mean my biological or stepfather he's my soon to be husband) have never had penatrational sex. And I've told him about my desires ......because if I can't share my feeling with him our relationship is dead. Anyway and all he does is talk about how much they all loved and craved me which does not help one bit.I've been able to control myself but now that we are in sperate households and rarely ever see each other these desires have become worse.....to the point of me trying to track them down which really is al that hard since I have facebook and myspace. I emailed them, but with only small talk but I really, really ever so much want to move on to the whens, wheres and hows but ......I don't want to louse up my relationship over some sex from the past that may not be as great as I remember. I'm trying to steer clear of the situation but right now I'm reading "Pleasure" by Eric Jerome Dickey ( which is wonderfully senual) But it's not helping my cause only fanning the fire......But what's the really messed up part is that he's okay with me exploring or better yet experimenting one of the fellas because he states "You two have a past that was never really closed down because you both just walked away from your true feeling for each other and never turned back." However, I turned back and I was the only one looking back. But "Dad" ran into this particular fella and had a sit down convo about things and what was relayed to me was "When he wanted a real go at it with you, you had moved on with someone else, and didn't look back." Well this is sort of true because I had already looked back and didn't see a point in staying that way when there was no one there.Oh yea and "Dad" had the nerve to even tell him that I still talked about him....Freakin Trader and traded information...I was like HELLO!!...what are you doing inviting the enemy to dinner. But my BFF stated " You've always heard of "Keep your friends close but your Enemies Closer" so that all his doing, wants to be able to idenfity who's ass to go kick later" But taht still was too weird for me.Even though I know "Dad" has frequent contact with him I'm still intrigured by the what ifs....We alway had mutally shared sexual feelings but we never explored them past very heavy flirting and very...I mean ultra light petting. So I just still wonder what it would be like if only for one night but sadly i know that if it was good it would probably be more than a one night thing. So ladies how can I purge these feelings without acting on them? Because I really do love "Dad" with all my heart, mind and soul but I want him to know that I have no desire to give my body to someone else.....And I would like to know this true for myself also........
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Well Ladies
Thank You very much for your input. I'll work my way down the comments list:
Mawiyah : The only problem with putting that book away is the fact that I'm using it for inspriation for my books I'm writing but what I have started is being more clincial about the sexual images placed in my Mind. I've tried to add Dad into my ,fantasties but it's ....I don't know it's just different..I just it's like daydreaming about a candy bar that's in your purse it causes you to go for it ...even though you are going to feel gulity about having it in the end.
Indigorutz : Thanks I've felt like there was a purpose to the maddness so I've never acted on any of my desires nor really want to.
Chayil: "However I do not agree that if you cannot share your fantasies that your relationship is dead!" Okay I may have been a little over dramatic, but what I meant is that I'm a very open person, if I cheated I would be the person to tell right afterwards, but anyway we've always had very open communication lines in our relationship and if I strated to hold back or if he started to hold back, our relationship would suffer greatly.
But ladies thank you for your insight because it does really sound crazy when you hear your thoughts coming back at cha and I'm going to cool it down a bit.
I love ya sisters and thanks for listening to my ramblings.
Honestly!!
LOVE LIFE LAVA!!!
Honestly I was thinkin the same thing sista indigorutz " what the hec is goin on here"!! Now sis be strong cause u know we ladies can be ecxtreamly emotional and the reality of how men live can be very hurtfull at times. But I myself have experienced this same issue or somewhat similar! My bredrin was like oh I really love u and i want to take it slow with u cause u are special to me, and i feel like JAHHH put u in my life as a gift and i dont want to mess this up, and all that crap... ( I dont mean what your man is sayin to u is crap, thats just how i am expressing my experiece so please do not take offense). Now six yrs sounds like a very long time to me but hey some are stronger than others!! But for us it had only been 3 months (dont think im a whore of babylon you know these modern day relations move fast) And I mean we were really feeling things there, i knew from the time I met him that he was someone special in my life and we are women we know when someone is for us and when they are not. So I wanted to jump all over him everytime we were together, and him me to, but he just would not proceed. then hes talkin all this crap and im so believin it. And one day my cuz said girllll open you dammmmn eyes! this is a grown ass man u think hes not doin anything. I was like girl why u so negative. Then i thought about it after a couple of weeks, because i didnt want to think like that, I liked him! we was in lllloooovvvveeee! and i said damn girl u know u might be right! Well I start gettin extra nosey, im lookin through the phone, im callin late at knight or early morn, im commin over more often, im lookin at his mommys attitude! and low and behold the cat let out de bag. Special my ass this ***** was doin somebody else. I didnt see how he had the time because we were together all the time till the wee hours of the morn. Well I was devastated! to make an even longer story short we dealt with it and we moved on! I think ill call him dad to cause he sure does act like it some times and I gotta say i am a grown ass woman! Thats a whole other complex we gotta talk about sis but we wont go there! Now dont get all depressed and stuff cause who is for you is for you, things will happen at the almighty's appointed time because ill tell you me and this same man are happy and have two beautiful children today! All im sayin is get a little nosey, open up your eyes, because 6 yrs is a long ass time, for me at least. And then hes sayin its ok for u to talk to others. I dont think thats testin you, i think thats tryin to stray u from the reality of what may really be there! Im not sayin your man is cheatin im just sayin get a little nosey if hes honestly livin this beautfull abstenant (i hope i spelled that right) lifestyle youll find out and your relationship will be even more beautiful, if hes not you'll find out!! Dont be afraid everything happens according to the almightys plan!!! You are beautiful. Please please do not take offense to any of my words, I am just speaking from my experience!! Thanks for sharing your story, it was pleasure sharing mine and i hope you overstand where i am comming from.
May the ALMIGHTY continue to bless you with joy, wisdom, and overstanding!!
Itinually Hailing H.I.M.
THIS IS LAVA!!!!!
THE HOTTEST FIRE!!!!
Girl...HEHEHE...
Well I, in the past would have been lucky to make it 3 days without , But hey I was young, dumb and full of .....well ya know the rest. I was very hesitant on the whole thing but I did go along with so what can I say. But I really know what your talking about because in my past I was exactly like your ex. Usually I get this feeling when something is not going right in my universe but I haven't in this situation I really don't believe he would cheat on me...I know I know that's so cliche but I really don't think he would. Now if we went back 5 years I wouldn't put it pass him nor me for that matter, but we've grown over the years.
But Love ya Lava
AND I HOPE THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP
Look at you
Mawiyah Kai EL-Jamah Bomani
You knew all along what needed to be done. I just don't want you to leave a good thing on the count of a good thang. LOL. Take it easy and keep listening to that inner voice of reason. You better off than you know.
Ase
Well, Well, Well!
Mawiyah Kai EL-Jamah Bomani
To have desires is natural but to act on every desire because it exists is not a wise thing to do. If you love your soon to be husband then fantisize about him. Insert his sexy into those dreams. Create a whole sacred sexual space around his mysteries and let the other guy vanish into a mist of fog. And I agree with my sisters what man would invite trouble to his doorstep. Naw, that should make you question Dad's motives. Nobody is that open about their cookie jar to let another person have free reign(for instance I keep my ginger snaps under lock and key. You might get the dollar waffers but that's about it). Meditate and get more involved with life outside of the sensual for now. Get in touch with your hobbies, take that mind of yours on a voyage to somewhere other than the bedroom. And another thing put that book up in the cubbard behind the cleaning supplies until after you decide to either marry Dad (read it together during the honeymoon) or move on with the other guy(in which case the book won't be necessary-maybe as a coaster). Girl you have truly made me smile.
Ase
OK!
BlaqueAce , I agree with the other sistah about our bodies having certain desires,wants,needs,fantasizing the whole bit.On the other hand I don't get this.What the heck is going on here.You know sistah,the first,last and only time I ever had a situation like this was in high school.I was going with this guy and there was another guy that was just at me all the time.Now I had no interest in him at all so he decided to tell my boyfriend he was going to "hit It" and my boyfriend told him to go for it.Now when I asked my boyfriend why the ? would he tell him some stuff like that,his reply was cause I know you love me and I ain't got nothing to worry about ,let him try if he wants.Well getting to the point.For starters I felt very disrespected ,and felt like he didn't care who ,when or how someone else disrespected me.But come to find out he told him that in hopes I would go for it to free up more time away from me to validate his already cheating.Yes,come to find out he was messing around anyway and it put ease to his mind to continue cheating,give him more free time to cheat .Of course we broke up.So the moral of the story is,don't believe the the hype!Dude is doing this for a reason other than testing you,in my opinion.I don't want to hurt your feelings or cause anything with you and "Dad",but sit back and watch the flow of things with your third eye a little more closely.No man is going to tell another man his wife's or future wife's fantasies unless he is extremely immature or has ulterior motives.On the flip side you can extinguish your on fire and fantasize about the old flames while your doing it or this could be something you and your man explore together via foreplay ,etc.Keep me posted as what you decide to me. Peace & Relief, Indigo
I had to chuckle a bit when
I had to chuckle a bit when I read your blog so first off my apoligies ;-)
I think it is normal to fantasize about men in general and specially men that you have dated when you live a celibate life. However I do not agree that if you cannot share your fantasies that your relationship is dead! These kind of fantasies should only be shared if you have a desire to fullfill them or maybe in some cases as a stimulance while having sex with your SO or DH as a bad case of pillowtalk that does not leave the bedroom! IMHO
I read that your soon to be husband has no problems with you exploring with an ex?! What the heck is that all about lil sister? I read it but for me it sounds like he is testing you more than giving you permission. I cannot imagine a man that is saving his love for his wedding night would not mind his soon to be wife to give it away to another!
The fact that he actually told the other fella that you still think about him sounds like insecurity to me. Why else would a man inform another man of his woman's desires and thoughts if not to test how the other man would react?!
Sister if you love your husband to be I would say stop focussing on other men and what-if's and has-beens and focus on the future! Your body has a high sexual desire nothing wrong with that but if you truly want to fulfill that desire why not fulfill it with the man that you have been saving it for?! Pray about it!
Blessings,
Chayil
http://chayil-sacred-woman.blogspot.com/