OK, I met this guy seem to be a cool individual. Good conversation, polite, and funny, right OK. We talked everyday for about 10 days about future goal and accomplishments, what we seek in a relationship etc,etc,etc.. One day he asked me to invite him to my house and I basically told him that my home is a safe haven for my children & myself and that I don't invite men to my house out of respect for my children and their environment. Needless to say he didn't take this too well. He went into this sad story about his childhood how his mother gave him up and kept the rest of her 4 children and how he grew up in foster care until age 18 and that's when he went into the military. He continued to state how he didn't have no one so naturally when he met a woman he expect for her to be by her man's side(when did he become my man?) He continued to state how he was one of the few good men left and that there were many women lined up to take him.. Me being me wished him the best(lol) by all means go for it! I told him. So as the days passed he began to make little comments about how a man was head of the house hold and how a man should always take lead in a relationship, the woman should be the follower. Me being me tried my best to ignore him, but no he continued to try and instill this in me.
This was when I began to tell him that hey, I don't know what women you are use to dating but me as an individual will not tolerated anyone telling me how I should speak and act. (didn't go over too well). This past weekend I decided to let him know that I am not the woman for him. Our life styles are far too different and the fact that each time I mention one of my kids he seem to get kind of offended(red flag) So anyway we went to a local park to talk for a while (he rode with me) So basically we talked and I explained to him that maybe we should just stay acquaintance because my life is just far too busy to be in any type of relationship. (kids, work, business & school) there was no room for non-sense in my life at this point.
During this conversation that he seemed to ignore, he told me that he was going to jump into the pond ( fishing pond where swimming was prohibited..did I mention the reason why swimming was prohibited? polluted water) so I basically told him not once, not twice but three times that if he was to jump in the pool he would not be allowed to get in my (new) car. Him being the "MAN" decided to do it anyways not once but three times. I didn't say a word I just sat there and watch until he decided enough was enough. This is when he decided that he was ready to go home and shower because he didn't want that nasty water drying on his skin.. For some odd reason he though that he was getting into my car wet and smelling like fishy pond water. Now you can imagine when I told him NO he was livid to say the least.
This is when I met a different part of him, his exact words to me was" this is what I say about you; you want to be the man & the woman in the relationship" ????? so he storms off down the street on his cell phone calling whomever. I sit there for a moment to see if he was actually going to walk to his destination(1hrs walk) so after sitting for about ten minutes I left and went home; needless to say when I called him (why I don't know) you can just imagine the choice words he had for me. What startled me the most about this experience is the fact that he had blatant disrespect for me and my property, he thought in his sick little mind that I was supposed to jump up and rush him home after I specifically told him what my final decision was going to be if he was to jump into the pond. (wow) lesson learned,.
You can never tell about people of the world today, I am so glad that I never introduced him to anyone in my family turned out to be a verbally abusive individual who has no respect for women at all, why all because of a childhood trauma he experience with his own mom giving him away. I don't think this individual will ever have any respect for any woman because he can't get over what happen to him 35 years ago. I was the lucky one, I think I will continue as I have been for the past 5 years devoting myself to my kids and causes.
I ask myself was I wrong(nah)
His mother Gave him up! ????
Quote "He went into this sad story about his childhood how his mother gave him up and kept the rest of her 4 children and how he grew up in foster care until age 18 and that's when he went into the military." ( Sob story break out the violins and cello)
My beloved Sisters In General!, A man who does not have a good relationship with his mother will find it hard to have a good relationship with his spouse. This I learned from experience and by listening to elders. After your initial Interview with this man your gut maternal instinct was not to expose your family to this man! Although you had set rules you knew he was not worthy. You even gave him another opportunity! The question is not were you wrong ....but why did you not kick him to the gutter he came from sooner? We often feel obligated and sorry and give multiple chances to these predators to hurt us and our families!
Good job!
But next time listen for the clue sooner (without you actually letting on, because we don't need them to lie to us anymore then some will) ...What are his relationships like with the women in his life....Mainly his Mother ...Aunt...Sister...etc
Girl!!!! Your radar had him before he got near the front door....You just did not write him a ticket!
Love Anji
Oh my gosh
That sounds alittle like my ex, sick bastard. Its like I had to pay for his adoption. The Blackman has fallen off so bad and its so sad. Lesson learn do not disclose your address to a person unless you really know them and even then its not too safe.
Peace Namaste
Kahsanjra Shakti
greetings sista,cant believe
greetings sista,cant believe what i just read here.mek me tell you now that was the right decision not to let that go any further than it did.he sounded like a really disrespectful brother, cant understand why the man thought that he could go and jump in pond and come into ur car.after telling the guy, but he does it 3times he sounded like a real fool.i think your right look after you and your family, theres a no-foolish man out there somewhere lol. blessings ninti x
Girl.............
Men are an experience! lol but I am so inspired with your ability to stick to your words and honor them with action. We women do love our men so much and we fall for the transference of energies and its situations like this that can lead to a slippery slope. At least he got it out early lol
Time is too precious a currency to simply spend or waste; it must be invested.
wooowww...
not wrong in the least. in fact, good for you!!
~~
the universe is interested in your success.
you were put here to live in abundance.
your desires are sacred.
We love our Brothers so much.....sometimes its hard,,,
but you did the right thing, your instincts were correct! Say a prayer for the Brother, send him blessings and Send him on his way. He was just an reminder of what you don't need in a Man.
Peace & Grace
GiGi
Oh My Goodness...As I read this...
..my mouth dropped open because it seemed as if you were writing about my ex-husband! With the exception of the military and his love of water (lol), it sounds like the same person. Scary!
Kudos Sistah FreeSpirit for standing your ground and giving Brotha his "walking papers". I wish I had been so bold and courageous six years ago but then I wouldn't have my treasured Princess in my life. No, you were not wrong. You and your youth come first!
Ase!
Sis. Nzinga
~I affirm that I am a divine wombman who lives a life of courage, adventure and bliss!
*applause*
whew! i'm SO glad that you didn't let him in your home, body, or mind! thank you for keeping the bond in your words! keep it up sis! however it's unforunate that some women would've fell for his antics *smh*
I am...
...so sorry this happened to you. And glad you know you weren't wrong. You deserve exactly what you want out of any form of companionship...and choices like the one you made in this case will surely get you there. I wish you the best!
FLYGURL74 No, I don't
FLYGURL74
No, I don't believe you were wrong at all. You have children, and as a mother, you want to protect them. I'm the same way. I don't bring men around my children. And won't be unless it's serious. It's good that you went with your first instinct and to tell his azz no, you cannot come into my home! I do believe that men, get this attitude from women. There are so many women out in the world, that will allow a complete stranger around their child/children, and think nothing of it.