What do you define as Sistership?
I'm going to take a small risk and expose my feeling about my experience with Sisterships.We tend to discuss relationships with significant others but sometimes we neglect our relationships with each other as Sisters.
My experience with Sisters and Mothers have been painful in the past. Although I have had progressive and supportive relationships, many have left me feeling hurt and unfulfilled(still healing from some of them).
When I think about what Sisterships are about I imagine support,healing,and unity. Now... I'm aware that relationships take work and are not necessarily paradise however I would think that Sisterships will lean more towards being uplifting & wholesome.
Even though I have been hurt and betrayed by sistahs I have done my best to shake off the dust and keep my trust open to the beautiful Sistahs that I know exist and that I can develop progressive relationships with.I also must mention that I self-assess on how I could have acted differently too.
In saying that, I wonder how do you feel about Sisterships? Also how do you handle Sisterships that don't turnout so well? What do you look for in a Sistership? What would you like to see happen with Sisters around the world?
Sorry for hashing out a lot of questions but I appreciate your patience. These are questions that have been drifting around in my mind for a while.
Peace and Blessings,
Sa Mut Herr
Speaking to me right now..
This comment from Osunyoyin is really the truth!
"when i'm wounded by a sista...or somebody that i thought i was real close to...i tend to back on off...i find a way to forgive them if i can...and i will sever a relationship to keep my peace if i need to...and i also think...that sistership is about seeing who someone is...even if you don't necessarily agree with their actions..."
I have to say I am going through it with a friend right now - one who for many years was my confidant - and who has been betraying my trust (unknowingly I think) by sharing my secrets and other tidbits with others - which would come back to me through the mouth of another, and they would then be upset with me, and her.
I should have spoken to her outright when it happened the first time. Then it happened again. Instead, I backed off, and stopped sharing my life with her. She finally realized that our friendship has been over and acknowledged it an email to me (rather than a phone call) today after several months of silence.
It is leaving me a bit confused. Call and tell it like it is? Write back? The emailing thing is so inappropriate I think for true communication. I know I need to call her and just say what I am feeling about the whole thing. Sometimes even going through the pain of a severed sisterhood is a learning experience for both!
www.rootseducation.blogspot.com & www.rootseducation.podomatic.com
on sisters...
i have one sibling...a brother and while he is precious to me...i longed for a sister for most of my life...
i had female cousins that i was somewhat close to...but they always made it clear to me that i was not one of them...not a sister...
it wasn't until i went away to school...that i met my first sister friend...a person that understood me in a way that noone else has...and i knew her for a year before i "recognized" her...it was actually a shared moment of disgust that TRULY let me know that she was my sister...after that? it was on and poppin....we have been through over a decade of transitions and life changes and spiritual path changes and one major fight that still gives me the willies to think about it...we are able to tell the unadulterated bald assed truth to each other...we are able to listen to each other without judgement...we are able to say the things that we're terrified to tell other people...
and still we're together...THAT relationship is the blueprint for how i have found/find my other sisters...
i mean i waited my whole LIFE to get sisters...and i finally know what it means to have me some...
somebody to sneak up on me and tickle my feet when i'm sleeping...to make pooh pooh noises in the background when i'm talking to my boyfriend...who knows who i am FOR REAL and i don't have to constantly prove and explain myself to them...somebody who will not bring me no unnecessary bullshit...somebody who will tell me that i have lipstick on my teeth or that my outfit is a lil much...somebody who has the perfect gift for me on my birthday because she remembers that i said that i like vintage whatevers...somebody who knows my type of men and will send me an email of a cameraphone picture that she took just for me...somebody who will hold my hand or ME when i'm falling fully apart...someone who knows how infrequently i fall apart and reminds me that she will hold the frame while i put myself back together...someone who will celebrate with me...who will cry with me...who will hold my baby and make up songs for him/her so i can take me a shower...someone who will listen to me at 5am in the morning...someone who will make up dance routines and songs and perform them in the kitchen...
that's what sisterhood is to me...
i've been wounded by sisters before too...i'm very shy...and i'm very sensitive...and i'm blunt sometimes to the point of rudeness...but i usually don't mean no harm...and i can be a lil mean from time to time...but i hide that part of myself most of the time.
when i'm wounded by a sista...or somebody that i thought i was real close to...i tend to back on off...i find a way to forgive them if i can...and i will sever a relationship to keep my peace if i need to...and i also think...that sistership is about seeing who someone is...even if you don't necessarily agree with their actions...
i think any love relationship is built on
trust
showing up for each other
tellling the truth gently
and knowing when to shet the hell up
some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living ... Audre Lorde
Maferefun Osun!
Give Thanks SiStar
Your insight is great and answered all the questions I asked in the blog.
Your input is very much appreciated!
Peace, Love and Light,
Sa Mut Herr
Painful experiences...
...with sisters and mothers...will ultimately lead to perpetuating the cycle if we don't deal with the residual that is typically left behind on the fallout. and in my experiences, i find that many of us would prefer to project these painful emotions onto each other rather than take time to develop a healthier bond. in short, i've had some intense experiences hitting just about every key on the emotional scale...(like you, still healing from some of them)... when I realized that I don't have to limit my reach to sisters of color. though that is ideal, I've also found great joy in making sushi meals with my japanese sister...talking about the African presence in Mexico with my Mexican sister... talking hair with my irish sister next door...or talking religion over galic and bread with my italian sister...but there's nothing like sittin' in the kitchen getting your tresses rubbed by a true sistah! When I find that, I treat it like gold.
Some great points Innarae
It's great to have Sisterships with women of any colour that is nurturing and whole.
I feel you on this and I like you, I also have sister friends that I honour and respect of other races too.
And what's key is that you mention that you treat a great relationship with a black sistah like gold.I agree, I love having black Sistah friends that I can have wholesome relationships with. We should all do that since it's what got us so far as a lineage in ancient times in Afrika.
Thank you Innarae
Much Love
Yes, I agree...
that we cannot ignore the question of sistership and why it seems to elude us here in the West...there are too many reasons why to list in such a small space! That's why I give thanks for you opening this dialogue, as it gives us all a chance to weigh in on this very important subject from different perspectives.
Speaking openly about sistership also offers us the opportunity to look at ourselves as women, our issues (with ourselves, and each other), and begin to heal. We will not be able to build strong sisterships until we have all healed our hearts, minds, and spirits.
I also give thanks for YMIB, as this is a supportive, loving, non--judgemental space for sistahs to share our stories, exchange ideas, and connect with each other.
I look forward to continuing this dialogue with you, and the other circle sistahs!
Bless,
Saarchi
In African society...
sistership is not even a question...it just is. There, relationships are built to last a lifetime. Unfortunately, the male-dominated (I am no feminist...just calling it like it is) Western world has convinced us women that we can't get along...and we've bought into it. We've been labeled as jealous, catty, and prone to gossip. These images are played out on tv, and all too often, in real life. Sistahs, these divisions have kept us apart for far too long. I say, it's time that we reclaim and rebuild our sisterships!
Sistership is about nurturing, supporting, and loving each other as women. It's about building up...and not tearing down as we've been taught to do. It's about creating a 'sacred space,' whereby we can open up, confide in each other, and know that our personal stories will not be retold without our permission. Far too many of us struggle in silence with different issues, because we don't want anyone knowing our "business." How can anyone assist you if they don't know you need assistance?
I agree that sisterships, like all other relationships, are not created overnight. We must do the work necessary to connect and gain each other's trust if we are to rely on each other. Let's remember that we women are connected in a most Divine way: by our collective ability to carry, and bring forth, life.
Here's to building stereotype-busting, Spirit-nourishing, and life-long sisterships!
Bless,
Saarchi
Greetings Saarchi, Thank you
Greetings Saarchi,
Thank you for your input. I agree that this society has set a tone to make us believe that we can't get along and it's true that we must break that barrier.
As much as Sistership not being a question in Afrika it has unfortunately become a question for us in this western society for many crucial reasons. I don't think we should ignore the questions and reasons for questioning Sistership considering that we do have major issues that we need to resolve and heal as women and sisters(hence the reason why I created this blog).
I also like your point on struggling in silence, I have mentioned that before in other blogs. On one hand we need to share our struggles and should not struggle in silence but on the other hand we should only share our personal affairs with Sistahs that have a genuine love and support for us.
Peace and Blessings,
Sa Mut Herr
Give Thanks to Sis "The Sexual Griot"
I love your astrological approach to relationships. That's a great tool that we should all use to assess ourselves and our relationships. Our ancestors used the tool and it will be good for us to use too.
I am interested in keeping this forum open and bringing it as a topic to radio.We need all the avenues we can get to bringing the topic of Sistership to the forefront.
Many Blessings and Keep in Touch,
Sa Mut Herr
Right on!
Sister, I am with you on this. I have had the most wonderful relationships with women and on the other hand I have had some challenging ones that burnt me bad. Still, I don't give up on my sisters but i have been more mindful and more conscious in my recruiting process. Astrology has helped me do much as I know who my enemies are. At first, I would avoid them and then I began to learn that every relationship is an opportunity to grow and develop. So now I am not completely closed when I meet the women that are astrologically my enemies. This is meanly because I have redefined what enemy means. Instead, I ask questions like, why have we met, what do I need to offer her or what do I receive from this woman? In addition, I listen to the energetic pulse she vibrates on - this never fails and always reveals more than what meets the eyes. In summary, I am more open and aim at receiving what it is that I need to learn from my enemies and then I act or respond accordingly so that i can grow and that the lessons would not need to be repeated through another sister.
Thanks for bringing this up! There is more to explore here and girl I have many stories to share. I'd like to talk more with you on this topic on the "radio". Are you open?
Sensually yours,
The Sexual Griot!