I have a friend whom I've been very close to for the past eight years and something happened in the past few days that I just need to get off my chest before I decide if I really want to talk to her about it or not. You all are basically my sounding board and, in advance, I thank you.
Last Friday, I graduated massage school magna cum laude after being out of school for a really, really long time. It's my first step in becoming a holistic health practitioner and, needless to say, I was really excited about it and wanted my friends and loved ones there to share this moment with me. My friend was one of those people that I just knew would be there. She wasn't. She didn't call to say she couldn't make it, she just didn't return my text messages or phone calls. When I got home that night, I called her worried. She returned my call the next day and simply said, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry I missed your graduation but I had to work." Now, I understand that things happen but is it too much to ask for a call beforehand? Or perhaps a congratulations? Hmmm...
The funny thing about this is that I should have probably seen this coming last year when my man proposed to me while we were all out together. Although she said she was happy for me, her energy made a subtle shift and it made me somewhat uncomfortable. When we got married at the courthouse, she was supposed to be one of my witnesses but when I called her (no, she didn't call me) the day of to see if she was going to be there, she told me that she had a really bad sinus infection and wouldn't be able to make it. She didn't ask me how it went or to see pictures or anything that a friend would do.
I am starting to question this friendship.
She has been acting really strange since I went back to school and got into a relationship and I don't know if I have the energy to wait out what's going on with her. Her actions have left be bewildered and hurt. I'm trying to look at this objectively, but it's difficult.
Thank You Queens...
After I posted this blog, I called my friend that following morning. It dawned on me that the only person that I could get clarity from was the person I was experiencing the conflict with. I told her how I felt about her missing my graduation and she said that she did request the day off but had to work and that she was so busy that she forgot to call. I have decided not to press the subject any further but to release it and any negativity attached to it. Do I still feel as though this was an ego issue with her? Yes but it's exactly that: Her issue, not mine. I send her love and light and continue to love her as my sister. Unfortunately, now I realize that our friendship has changed and there's nothing I can do about that. One sister asked if these are isolated events. Unfortunately, this year they aren't. Because of this, I have to distance myself from her and this saddens me greatly but I have to continue on the path before me.
Once again, thank you all for hearing me.
If they have lied about me, they have lied about everything- Miss Lissie
Congrats and may many more doors continue to open wide.
Mawiyah Kai EL-Jamah Bomani
Sometimes who we are not is best shown through the eyes of someone close- developing into their own. Perhaps witnessing your life changes for the better is forcing your friend to realize her own stagnation in a place where she would very much like to move on from. She doesn't know how or has chosen not to celebrate your happiness. Why? Because her life is not improving at such (in her eyes) a rapid rate. She may not see the hard work and effor it took you to get back in school and the soul searching to find a love suitable to marry. She may only see that you are getting all this downpouring of positive energy streaming your way and all she is left to do is sit by and play audience member. The ego is a powerful tool and it may be hard as hell (or better still impossible at present) for her to celebrate you and at the same time resist the temptation of evaluating her life against your own happiness. Invite her to lunch just the two of you and lay your feelings on the line. Tell her you value the friendship and want her to express her feelings. Maybe she'll come clean and maybe she'll try to take herself off the hook by making you out to be the bad guy (the one who has changed since having a husband and graduating). Either way you need face to face confirmation that the friendship can be repaired or not.
Think about it and act accordingly...
I can think of some reasons as to why your friend would avoid celebrating certain events with you, but I'm on the outside looking in and feel you know your friend best. What’s your friend current state of being? Is she at her best or worst right now? You speak of that somewhat negative energy flow between you two and how it feels; hmmm, that static there for a reason. Question, do you love your friend and are you able to forget her current and past actions enough to continually forgive her? Is she willing to sit down and talk face to face or is she avoiding contact? If your patience is wearing thin, what will thicken it?
I PRAY for the predators that hunt me.
Celebrate good times
The fact that you’re blogging about this topic means that you have had some serious doubts about your friendship for some time. It appears that friendship is very important to you, and you are very hurt by her behavior. Friendship may not be high on her priority list. My suggestion is to surround yourself with friends who value you as a person, and who know how to be there for you in times of celebration and trials. Pray on it, and move forward!
P.S. Congratulations on your graduation and being magna cum laude! Celebrate and make room for what new things the Universe has in store for you...
Peace
before you write her off........
Are these the only two incidents? The reason why I am asking is because, I have noticed in my own experiences that people in general have little patterns that they establish in relationships from the very begining. Sometimes, the patterns (behaviours) are barely noticeable, especially when things are very new, and going well. But once the friendship/relationship is well established, and something happens that throws things off balance, and there is discomfort, it is easy to look back at the life of the relationship and recognize said patterns that may have been missed before. Perhaps she does not hold the friendship with the same regard that you do. I have had this problem often with people that I really liked and allowed into my world, and considered them a friend, but they did not see me in the same way. It is hurtful to realize that. You should just be up front and honest with her. At that point, the ball is in her court. She will either open up about what is going on inside her head, or she won't. You may not like what she has to say. But at least things will be out in the open, and you won't have to wonder about it any more. Even if you decide to end the friendship, you will be the better woman for affording her the opportunity to speak her mind, and clear the air. At the time, if the outcome of the conversation is positive, and you two can get past it, you can work on reconnecting with her, and all will be well. But if you decide to end the friendship for whatever reason, you can do so with peace of mind and heart, knowing that you did everything that you could.
"Not all those who wander are lost."
Tolkien