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Hello!

I'm DerShar and I'm 17
I love to sew, and I'm an aspiring fashion designer.
I'm plannng on going to college next year and. I'm excited to see what life is really like on my own.
I listen to all sorts of genres, from folk to R&B.
My favorite artists are Sondre Lerche, Corinne Bailey Rae, John Mayer, and NoraH Jones.
I have locs.
I started them a week before my 17th birthday. It was a bold change that I made because I felt like I was covering who I really was by getting perms or straightening my hair.
I love them, and how they make me feel. I do get impatient sometimes because its a long process.

I chose to join this sisterhood because it seems to represent who I am now. And who I want to become as I become a woman.

BYE!
:D

Sistas,

Before we form our mouths to say “there are no good black men” we need to look at this from a different perspective. Here, we’ll visit the socio-economic factors then we’ll go into personal accountability.

BUT FIRST: It’s one thing to want a man that meets your “standards” aka requirements and it’s another thing to have unattainable standards. Reevaluate those first. Accountability.

It is fact that black men make up the MAJORITY of the prison population (in comparison to any other race&sex) and the MINORITY of the college population. So while you’re getting your master’s master’s, he has been going day to day being “a black man in America.” With this comes a lot: racial profiling, glass ceilings, being looked over for “good jobs,” “driving while black,” street influences, pressures from every-whicha-way be they psychological, physical, emotional etc.

The Divine Creator of the Universe is truly amazing. Wisdom is the manifesting of the knowledge that we have. For so long, I was a knowledgeable woman, but today I am Wise. The Most High slowed me down enough to reveal to me, my true self and not only did he/she reveal her, she made me accept and embrace her and become her and through that, everything I want comes. I see the Universe opening up to me, simply because I stopped and honored myself. God says, when you honor you, you honor me. Be your best self, and through that you get everything you want and I get everything I want. You want love, marriage, finances, peace of mind, the ability to travel, healthy children, to be and feel sexy, confidence, freedom to be and share your creative self. All of that is yours to have and when you receive that, I shine and get the praise I deserve. And at the end of all of that you realize that none of that matters. You life is worth much more than you could ever possess. Live your life, attract the wonderful, be magnificent, appreciate the lessons. Forgive...... Love unconditionally and do not attach yourself to any particular situation, because all things change.

I have been doing some thinking which isnt anything new and i was thinking about my sistas. see i meet many people all the time, have done shows with them, sang with or for them, spent the night over their house and shared some really nice moments with them, ate lunch with them,talked on the phone with them, done some their gigs, smiled at them, nodded, shock hands with them, and hugged them.

I have a testimony so i dont have a problem with sharing some of my life with anybody with a little caution( people love misery or ur drama) but its something about having that circle of friends that u can go too to get away from the unrealistic, wishy washy, jealous,envious people that cant pose as "loving u" for too long.(i respect that though) Alot of people that i ALLOW in my space (I say that with passion cause if i dont want u there u will not be) at times have this very assumption of me in their heads until they get a chance to be in my world and some cant really deal.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. u tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

I've been in a three year relationship with my boyfriend. I love him to death. Want to spend the rest of my life with him....but. I feel that we both possess two different maturity levels, and it doesn't become too much of a problem until situations like today:

We are at Walmart and we start to argue about something I brought up so that we could discuss it, not argue, but discuss. Well he ends up raising his voice at me and cursing all sorts of nonsense at me in the parking lot to the point where a friend 2 or 3 rows over, hears us and says "you guys love each other, remember that!" Embarrassing.

So after he disrespected EVERYTHING about me, I proceed to quicken my pace and keep silent because at this point i'm PISSED. I do not want to say anything that I will regret. He tries to match my pace and I tell him to leave me alone...he then says "fuck it, whatever" and turns around to leave. I was confused as to where he was going considering that I drove that day.

I wish I could tell you my heart has completely mended from this heartache I experienced in the beginning of the summer when the love of my life ended our relationship.

I wish I could tell you my mind doesn't stop thinking about him or all of the dreams and plans I had for us.

I wish i could tell you that my every facet of my life has not been affected by him. That I am able to function freely.

I wish I could be your inspiration, showing that one can live a normal life after having her heart crushed and her life turned upside down.

But I can't. Not now at least.

See, I was fine until the very door that God closed, I found a way to pry it open a few times.

Once I was in Victoria, and I saw a very large house. They told me it was a bank and that the white men place their money there to be taken care of, and that by and by they got it back with interest. "We are Indians and we have no such bank; but when we have plenty of money or blankets, we give them away to other chiefs and people, and by and by they return them with interest, and our hearts feel good. Our way of giving is our bank."

- Chief Maquinna, Nootka

Peace Sistars,
First off, let me acknowledge and send thanks to all of the sisters that posted a comment to the blog Marriage on the Way - Need Help! This is an update to that blog.

I took some time to work on me. I cried out to the Universe and I asked for clarity. I took a spiritual bath under the guidance of a friend of mine who's an African Priest. I prayed and I prayed. This past Saturday, my fiance's cell phone called my phone. When I answered I only heard static, so I knew it was a mistake that he called, but something in my spirit said "just listen". I heard him having sex with another woman.
Sisters, I couldn't cry at all. I went home and I smudge my house and I submerge myself in the spirit of God. Currently, I am not living at home, but he continues to call me and ask for my forgiveness. He says this was the first time and it only manifested because his thoughts were clouded and engulfed in lust and perversion.

I thought that if I were to ever enter into a siutation like this my action would be clear, but it is not as clear as it should be.
I need some spiritual advice. Sisters dig in your spirits and send your words.

To all my married, getting ready to marry, thinkin' bout marriage sistahs.......let's vibe for a minute:

Because the peace of my afternoon was interrupted by my young sistah-girl who needed some wisdom about her husband, I feel obligated to share some marital 411.

We all have a purpose - a reason why we were planted here, in this time and space. The trick is to find out what is is, connect with it and stay focused on it. When you marry, or fall in to a long term relationship you run the risk of totally losing yourself to the everyday demands of wifey-hood, motherhood and relationship-hood. That loss of self breeds resentment toward your mate (sometimes your children), and a loss of self worth among other things. Your own self worth is key to being able to function on a daily basis and it is the very essence of your own ability to give and receive love.

Friendships, the ones that want it to be "natural", I have used that word many times "natural", let it happen when it happens, when will that happen...? and in the midst of letting "NATURAL" relationships happen what is your expectations and intentions...what are your thoughts in the process of those "natural" friendships happening? I have had folks come into my life and without a word or an explanation of what went wrong they fade out....was that "natural"? or the issues that most of us have with attachment...commitment....responsibility...and that word love, which kills 90 percent of our "natural" relationships. We use the word "free spirit" loosely too like most use the word love. For me I see alot of those words as cop outs, ways to escape what you really want and an way to use those words to replace your true feelings with an excuse. We all are going through something (nothing new and even that saying is getting old) and most of us want to be something we r not or want others to see this image we have fabricated, created out of thin air without just being who we r and letting others decide if they want to relate, befriend or not.

Peace and many Blessings Sistar Friends,
It has been a while since I have shared, but I am always reading your blogs. I am so thankful for a place like YMIB. The sisterhood is so strong here. I carry your energy with me throughout my life.
I am entering into a really new chapter. My boyfriend has proposed to me. We just recently had a son and we are in the process of buying a house. I must admit that I am overwhelmed with insecurity. I love this man and I want to marry him, but I'm afraid of being cheated on and I'm afraid of divorce. My fiancee' has some friends and I have witnessed them flirting with other women and they are married. My fiancee' likes to go out on Friday nights and that bothers me. I feel that he should be home because during the week he works so much. I see him at 7:00 in the morning and again at 11:00 at night. Fridays are the days he comes home early, but instead of being there with me and our family, he chooses to go out with his friends.
I'm also dealing with some insecurity with my weight. My son is only 4 weeks old, so I have two weeks before I can work out.

I know a lot of people can relate but I've been burned, chopped up, wounded, betrayed, lied to, rejected, by "boyfriends", lovers, complicated friends, girlfriends, best friends, plastic friends, etc. I've been used up, mopped up, ironed down, name it but I had ENOUGH. I'm a very nice and kind person and always try to be someone's support system. It would be valid to say that no one has been there for me, with the exception of God, my little sister and very few close friends. Nothing I do, none of my aspirations, dreams, or goals been supported neither by the people who birthed me, or other family members. Thus I know how it feels to feel alone, so when someone presents me a problem, I do my absolute best to support them, and would even put my life on pause, in order for them to advance. I'm also extremely down-to-earth and quiet, however it seems like people use that to their advantage and think that quietness=dumbness or something.

Today as I was browsing through my facebook friends and readind random status updates, I came across this one that stated something about being the other woman and why the main woman shouldnt be mad at her, she should be mad at her man and that it isnt the other woman's fault that her man wants her...blah blah blah blah

Celebration (1993)

I will bring you a whole person
and you will bring me a whole person
and we will have us tiwce as much
of love and everything

I be bringing a whole heart
and while it do have nicks and
dents and scars,
that only make me lay it down
more careful-like
An; you be bringing a whole heart
a little chipped and rusty an'
sometime skip a beat but
still an' all you bringing polish too
and look like you intend
to make it shine

And we be brinigng, each of us
the music of ourselves to wrap
the other in

Forgiving clarities
Soft as a choir's last
lingering note our
personal blend

I will be bringing you someone whole
and you will be bringing me someone whole
and we be twice as strong
and we be twice as true
and we will have twice as much
of love
and everything
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i quoted it...and i just wanted to share the whole piece with you all

Sisters,

Who initiates quality time in your relationship? Are you planning all of the dates/ outings or does your man make suggestions or plan things for you guys to do? I find myself always planning my own dates and wondered do most men take on this sitting duck role?? Just trying to gain a bigger perspective outside of my world.

I had a beautiful, lovefest of a weekend full of sun, family, friends, hugs, kisses and good food. It doesn’t get much better than that. As usual, on Sundays I find time to prepare myself inside and out for another busy week. This week in particular, there was a subliminal message playing repeatedly under my internal soundtrack. Although I tried to ignore it, the message was clear and concise. “Let go.” I

’ve been hanging on to this pain in the pit of my belly for a few months now. I won’t get into the details of it, but suffice it to say that I was hanging on to this heartache because I simply couldn’t process it in order to let it go. I thought things were this way, and turns out they were that way. Human beings develop attachments to people, places and things – that’s just what we do - and often, this is the cause of much of our suffering.

I have been going through a rough break-up. It has taken its toll on me so much emotionally that it has physically and mentally caused me anguish. I became so distraught during the "why did we break-up" convo that I blurted out that I will never be in another romantic relationship again. The sad thing was that I truly meant if from my heart.

I know that you should allow the previous guy "damage" you to the extent that you hinder the growth of your next relationship but he really did that. He was not abusive, mean or jealous. He was a compassionate and loving gentlemen. He just didn't think that he was for me anymore. I still think that reasoning is crap because...well I'll digress and continue to the point.

Before my ex, there was another ex whom I fell for. Well...let's just say he fell for other women too. Some while he was even with me. He caused me a lot of pain and hurt. So my recent ex came into the picture and everything was good. Until he made his decision and broke up with me.

A friend of mine texted me the other day, "call me later..I've got breaking news"
My response was, "if it don't involve a man then it is breaking news"
Well needless to say she did not call me or text me again. You see I am at a point in my life where I feel dissatisfied with the way we women let our source of happiness come from a man. Don't get me wrong I love me a real Black man, but I think it is something terribly wrong when that seems to be our only source of happiness. Another friend texted me, "if I were on the side of the road stranded with my drawers on the top of my head...I won't call you" She says you never answer the phone. I told her not to take it personal I'm just taking some time for me and I realized that I waste a lot of time with other women always talking about men. So, she she says ok call me when you get a chance...Kevin's girlfriend has been calling me. Normally I am all on the drama, but I am evolving. I would love to talk these sisters about other things going on in their life...somebody talk to me.

A family member of mine went through a situation where she meet this guy, fell in love, then he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship anymore (sounds like a recurring theme in my family) and broke up with her. A year or so past, he came back, so they decided to reunite. Everything seemed right...until infidelity on her part happened in the later part of the the relationship. She decided to tell confess and now they are in turmoil.

I've been in similiar situations such as this. You fall in love, break up, and then want a second chance, only to blow it in the end. At the point of the second courtship, you have to be honest with yourself and the other person about why things ended and if you can handle a second break-with that person (eventually it will end either in a break-up, divorce or death do you part.) Love is really the only thing that last forever, but it takes a WHOLE lot more than loving the person to keep the relationship going. It keeps an attraction, a pleasure, a connection, WORK! lol

I have been recently confronted with the emotions from a broken heart. I thought I found the love that would last forever, a love that surpassed all understanding and transcended the highest levels of nuiansces that typical relationships bring. But after a year of investment, it all came down to him flip-flopping amongst theses excuses, "my mind and life are not ready for a relationship right now", "my situation and the distance made me decide this", "you deserve better for your life right now", to "I meant what I said, I am not the one for you".

So you could imagine my horror...convo done over email....

I will admit my spirit and faith in men have been broken because of this one final relationship I decided to be in. The problem is I gave all I have left after a horrible previous relationship. Yeah, it was long distance, but I did my part and went above and beyond whenever possible. I compromised many times and put up with the little things because I took a chance on making it work. I had great intentions with him, but obiviously he did not.

I am divine in every step that i take u cant shake me fool nor could u under mind or even try to define my being..... u dont c yo self
i am divine in every breathe i breathe u didnt recognize that before u read the big print, didnt u know what u were dealing wit?
I am the shit in everything that i touch, to break me.....ummmm not so much to stump my heart and take away my power, my true me, naw see
i am amazing in every word that i speak, each syllable each noun each rhythm in my vocal cords gave u a lil sumthin the rasp in my bass to ur boom and ur pop
I am powerful in every step i take....nothing u do even when u think i didnt see it i am watching with all eyes open... u forgot about my ancestors too
I am so the top dog in the under dog world of my own... i c ur nasty looks..... fake ass smile....really underneath u hate me but its mooore like u hate urself... but its ok i do innerstand it takes alot to admit it.
I am the waves on every shore ..... flooding u yo shit with lots of love and healing cause you r going to need it when there is no more sunshine.

Hello there my fellow sisters,

much love and peace coming at you all this day.

Today, I am reaching out to love.

A question I would appreciate some feed back on please...

How do you know the difference between your fear speaking or your truth?

OK, I/'ll be more specific...

I have currently been with this man for a while now. From the moment we meant I felt a strong sense of something that I can only describ as a "twist in my gut" (deeply painful) when I thought of him or have been around him. We have spent many wonderful moments together but equally there have been some real dark moments with him.

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope." Lately it seems that many of my co-workers and family members are dealing with major problems in their friendships. Now, when I say friendships, I mean more like sisterhoods. Most of these people have been friends for at least 10 or more years, so at this point I'm putting an emphasis more like kinfolk/sista chile/ you know we go wayyyy back like butt cracks kind of a thing. Well what happens when those definitive circles of friends begin to fade? Well I would like to believe that after a certain point, we should be able to tell our friends whatever's on our hearts and it can be discussed in an appropriate manner. Yet, there are those times, when all hell breaks loose and one or more parties involved feel like things are all one-sided.
So ladies, at 30 or older shouldn't we be able to have better friendship circles?

With all the recent press surrounding the murder-suicide of Steve McNair and his mistress, I started thinking to myself. Is commitment really that hard? Is giving your all to one person and in return receiving their all not enough? It is that we become too greedy and selfish to realize that there can be no good ending to cheating? I mean some people recover, but most are truly damaged once that trust boundary has been breached. Why oh why did it have to succumb to such tragedy, all the while he had a complete and full life in Mississippi. Although I am not one to say that everything was 100% with the misses, but I do know that he said the same vows before the Lord that she did and now she has to endure the pain of his affair and at the same time muster up the courage to explain to his boys, what their father was doing in the midst of his death.

I was always under the impression that when a relationship ends, the two people go their separate ways and learn from the mistakes, but that's not the case with me and my ex. He has done everything in his power to make my life miserable and there is a part of me that wants to resent him. But I can't stoop to his level. I can not have hate in my heart because that will only harm me in the long run. So I press on. Stay positive and keep me head up. It hurts, you know? To think someone will say they love you but only when it's convenient for them. But, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I am a beautiful person worthy to be loved and I will not harden my heart because of one little boy. My heart doesn't work like that. It's time to love me like never before! Not to focus on the dating game, but to appreciate the beautiful, confident, loving, forgiving person God has made me to be.

So I came to some conclusions today: I can't go back. I'm not ready for him. He's an addict. I have an addictive personality. I'm probably making a mistake. I won't recover from this.

.........was two days ago. We didn't do anything special, just kicked back and relaxed. I received a call from my aunt early that morning with well wishes, when of course she wanted to know, where we were going and what we were doing. When I replied with nothing, I got her early morning humor of,” y'all been married so long, y'all don't even do sh_ _ "! (lol) I asked her , "who wrote the rule saying you must go somewhere, or spend all kind of money on stuff ? The children made us breakfast in bed ,swamped our email boxes with anniversary e-cards and made us gifts. I gave them the day off from home schooling and I just kicked back and relaxed. My husband did offer to take me to lunch or dinner, I thanked him and declined. Although he stayed home for our anniversary, I knew he had a lot of work to do, so when I caught him on the computer (several times) I just walked by and smiled.

Are you scared to be Happy? What about to smile? I was- The thought of letting someone else take the lead drove me crazy for years on in. Not being able to truly relax and enjoy the gifts the Most High has given me. What a shame to live life this way. I can only tell you how “SEXY” it feels….that’s right I said it “SEXY” because my “SEXY” is the joy of seeing my husband do the works of the LORD. Being able to provide for his family, himself as a man and not to mention ME.

People use to make marriage sound like a bowl of fruit…everybody wanted some. You were doing good if you had a little whip cream, if you know what I’m saying. Point is- Marriage isn't’t easy, if it was…what fun would that be. Working hard as a team has allowed us to see the fruits of our labor. I’m so HAPPY right now, I don’t know what to do with myself-

One.
Mecca