You know when you are truly going through something; a real emotional upheaval and the Universe/God sends help? It could be a television show, a conversation with a good friend, anything that taps into your emotions in a profound way and sends you into...well, yourself? I am having one of those profound moments right now. Okay, before I get into the meat of my post, I have a confession to make. I have a slight aversion to the publicness of blogging and sometimes think it a bit self indulgent. There, I said it. But I've been reading through some of the posts onYMIB and I appreciate 1)the openness of expression and emotion I've found and 2)the honest support and love that pours out from responders. So, during my moment of deep reflection, I started thinking of safe places to vent and YMIB came to mind.

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You strive to build and make your relationships (at home) work, you talk, you walk away when needed, you learn from one another.
How is it that your relationship (at work) can not be the same?
So many times you are confronted with "hatred" at work, in all shapes and forms. Can it be that difficult to put a group of people together who want to work, talk, walk away when needed, learn from one another to make that relationship grow?

Ok i'm am sitting here again and this time i dont know if i made the right choice. ok here i go...... my weekend was very interesting I remember telling u that I let the relationship go but we are back together. I also rem. talking about the things i have learned from this relationship and others and my life is changing and so on and so forth . I have been putting the thought of leaving him for awhile out to the universe and Saturday the universe made it happen. I was upset with him cause he was going out with his cousin who drinks like a waterf all and is always interferring, very needy and jealous and looks for ways to get him away from me, wants him to be drunk all the time. I don't want that vibration in my home especially when it his cousins energy that was shared. He came home drunk and i rejected his pass and the next morning he was furious and told me to take some money and leave. This is when truth hurts because also told me what he was feeling and it very accurate, something in his eye and tone though made me change my approach with him and i got him to finally listen and talk.

I am a single wombon again. I'm not sad or happy, but relieved (it) our relationship was like a sore that never healed but festered. I know that sounds bad but it's true and I want to be honest our relationship stank. There is this song that keeps playing in my head by Jaguar Wright Free.She sings "you act like you want to be free you can do you and I can do me." Yes free I want to be free I want release from all the agony this relationship has created. I don't even want his name anymore I want my own name Me I want to be me. I'm glad to be here in this space to be this new journey of new beginnings.

Peace and many Blessings Sistahs,
I've decided that it is time for me to share. The last time I shared it was dealing with the emotions of loss, now I want to share my gain.
I have been working on me. Learning about me in the greatest details, Motherhood, Womanhood, Sisterhood. During my work I've attracted a beautiful brother to me. Sistahs, this brother is so exotic to say the least. He is very unique. We have been dating for less than two weeks and I feel like we have been knowing each other for a very long time. We meditated together and everything in me felt like this man was sent to me for a lifetime. My spirit has found peace, but my flesh wants to kick up this "independent woman" war. My flesh wants to influence my thoughts by telling me that I haven't known the brother long enough and that maybe I am giving him too much time.

I am siting here and i am in such a blank mood. I don't know what to think or say, i have cried tears of joy relief and pain, the big ball of energy in my chest is releasing, and I'm tired and drained. I am going through another change in my life. That deep insight, that what am I going to do now and what do I really want and who is going to be included in that. Who really wants to be included in it. The It is where it begins and the when and where and how is next. In that growth comes all the choices I have made up until this point and I ask myself is it really real, was alot of it worth it and will I make the same choices again. Living for me, doing whats right for me and being free to be me. I look at that statement and I think man is that selfish but damn its selfish of you if you stay somewhere that is unhealthty or not what u envisioned for yourself or makes you have to surpress apart of yourself to make someone else pleased with themselves. I look at that statement and I ask myself what makes me happy. I can go down the list and then check off which ones i am actually doing. The ones that I am not doing am I whole without doing those.

For those of you who aren't aware we have another sistah friend out here that is real,honest ,down to earth with exceptional advice.Come and learn the RIGHT way to love.
“Let’s Stay Together”
Every Saturday 102.5 FM (Atlanta)
(4pm-6pm EST/1pm-3pm PST/9pm-11pmGMT) Listen Live! Online
http://www.classicsoul1025.com
http://myspace.com/talk2spirit
http://www.talk2spirit.com

Known simply as “Spirit”, this beautifully breathtaking young woman has burst onto the scene, bringing with her a fresh new outlook on life, love, relationships and everything in between.

This beauty is no stranger to the public, as she is a nationally syndicated radio host whose voice is heard by countless listeners across the country.

Spirit’s knowledgeable advice and sound opinions are by no means unjustified, as she holds advanced degrees in both Psychology and Professional Counseling. Spirit shares her wealth of knowledge with savvy humor and entertainment, giving listeners and viewers an overall experience unlike any other.

I'm back with another issue...I'm in a very stable relationship and we have been at this for 6 years and are still holding on. Well lately I've found myself daydreaming and fantasing about other men .... men from my past. Well me and "Dad"( I have always called him Dad, but I DO NOT mean my biological or stepfather he's my soon to be husband) have never had penatrational sex. And I've told him about my desires ......because if I can't share my feeling with him our relationship is dead. Anyway and all he does is talk about how much they all loved and craved me which does not help one bit.I've been able to control myself but now that we are in sperate households and rarely ever see each other these desires have become worse.....to the point of me trying to track them down which really is al that hard since I have facebook and myspace. I emailed them, but with only small talk but I really, really ever so much want to move on to the whens, wheres and hows but ......I don't want to louse up my relationship over some sex from the past that may not be as great as I remember.

Ode to Mother Sistah

I’m not a mother
Though one day
I may be
I can give them all
The tools you gave
To nurture me

I’ve seen you fight many battles
Always spear in hand
Necessary showdowns for
Surviving this great land

In you I see color
So vivid it’s 3-D
It speaks so loudly to me
Enforcing creativity

You taught me freedom singing
And dance that is true
Necessary arts
To throw away my blues

I sum this up by saying
I’m forever gratefully yours
My mother/sistah friends

Giving, handing, mending
Our hearts, bodies, souls and minds
Never asking for repayment
And often last in line

You will never be forgotten
For upon this earth
Your mark remains
Blending freshly with the soil
And in Mother Earth’s tear stains

In Celebration of the Women Who Nurture Me! Thank You!

It is an overwhelming feeling to be in a space with sistahs that I may never see with my eyes that accept me, faults and all, there is no judging here, I am safe.
I am new to this loving of self, to overstanding, not settling for half truths and knowing that I deserve to strive and not just settle.
I believed I met the love of my life 11 years ago, we made plans, we had a son (Cairo). Our separate issues clogged the arteries of our relationship, he is now a father again to a little girl that I have never seen she is new to this world, my son is excited. I was told this news by my son, respect became a word and not an action and admittedly I cried. Cried because he had moved on but more because he had let go of believing in us.
I have reminded myself how to breathe many nights but I am happy to say that he is no longer the first thing on my mind, I have flashes of optimism and lashes of doubt, but my son has become my medicine, he reminds me that I am a queen, my heart beats on.

I pass this on to you SistahGoddesses. Have a powerful and beautiful day...

AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

Peace and many Blessings Sistahs,
First, I must say that this is an absolute wonderful site and I am honored to be here communing with you beautiful sistahs.
Now, I feel the need to share. I just found out that three of my friends were getting married. That information opened up an unhealed wound for me.
I am connected to a brother that I love very, very much. We were together for three years. We lived together, shared together and created together. I was much younger during the time of the relationship and I was not very embracive of the concept of self-love, therefore I dealt with lots of insecurity. One day, I literally cried out to the Universe asking "Whoever I am supposed to be, please let me be. Whatever I am supposed to do, give me the strength to do it." Less than a week later, the brother and I split. We wanted to give each other some space to grow, but we promised that when the time was right we would come back and love each other as we love ourselves. He used to always tell me that he couldn't wait until I turned 25.

I have this thought that keeps popping in my mind.Is there truly a such thing as sacred relationships?I just finished reading An Afrocentric Guide To A Spiritual Union By; Ra Un Nefer Amen for the umpteenth time and I can't help but wonder if this is really possibly in todays society.I mean everywhere you look there are ads for chat rooms,and dating sites.Even on TV ,especially late nite you can go to just about any basic channel and see sex line this,chat line that,let's meet here all kinds of corruptive crap.With all these "come and get it" shots can there ever truly be a scared relationship? When men see these ads ,they may not act on it but if their staring at it ,or comment on someone,or they just might not say anything at all but you know they didn't shut their eyes.Isn't he or she lusting ?So I say How can their ever be a true sacred spiritual union in the black community?Out of all the people I know ,family,friends,co-works not one of them is in a sacred relationship or has ever had one.

Just something to make you say hmmm................

I have a friend whom I've been very close to for the past eight years and something happened in the past few days that I just need to get off my chest before I decide if I really want to talk to her about it or not. You all are basically my sounding board and, in advance, I thank you.

Last Friday, I graduated massage school magna cum laude after being out of school for a really, really long time. It's my first step in becoming a holistic health practitioner and, needless to say, I was really excited about it and wanted my friends and loved ones there to share this moment with me. My friend was one of those people that I just knew would be there. She wasn't. She didn't call to say she couldn't make it, she just didn't return my text messages or phone calls. When I got home that night, I called her worried. She returned my call the next day and simply said, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry I missed your graduation but I had to work." Now, I understand that things happen but is it too much to ask for a call beforehand? Or perhaps a congratulations? Hmmm...

Today I'm feeling so rough...so dejected... so wrong...so clueless
I've shed tears several times this morning because I'm so scared I'm making a huge mistake. Next Thursday, I'm moving out of an apartment I share with a man I married just last year. I have told him he can't move with me. I have told him this because he has done some reprehensible things (drugs, stealing from me etc) and I DON'T Trust him at all. But, he has been pulling at my heart strings and even though I feel moving out and moving on is the only thing to do... I'm still deathly afraid I'm making a HUGE Mistake... I fear that I'll send him spiraling down a path worse than he is on currently.
I also fear that this move will end up being a living nightmare...due to loud, rude, or inconsiderate neighbors. I'm also not looking forward to packing up everything this weekend... I'm just feeling low... real low today... my mind is racing and I feel so completely alone... I wonder if there is any hope... I wonder if I'll ever be happy...anyway, today is just one of those rough days... and I have to believe it will get better... It has to............. right?

Sorry for the depressing blog...
Queen Nef

Photo courtesy of daphid and is licensed under a Creative Commons license.

Andre has his 'prototype', and I have mine. My relationship with Jesus/God/Holy Spirit should be the foundation-relationship in my life, upon which other relationships are able to stand firm. If there's a crack in my relationship with the Trio, than there's no reason to doubt that cracks will exist in my other relationships as well, namely my relationships with men (and in my mind, one man in particular).

It's been my experience that God will not allow you to have something (or someone) if that thing (or person) is going to distract your attention from him--that is, he won't let you have it for too long. He'll let you play with it for a little while, until you learn the error of ways, and then he'll take it away from you and make you start all over from scratch.

Its reallly hard. Its so hard sometimes to deal with the smack in my face everyday. He's getting married today and not to me. But to a girl who used to be my buddy and looks just like me. Its been a year and a half. Im over him... its her i can't stand. I was supposed to be out today having a good time, with my TRUE friends distracting me from it. But instead, Im here lone this morning with no one to hug me. I need a little boost. I need the boost because that could have been me. But I keep repeating to myself... "She did me a favor. He ain't no good." But that doesn't take away all the pain. Its hard to deal with this... But I have grown as a person so much from this experience. I have seen for myself who my real friends are. So I've turned on Jilly from Philly

Don’t feel no pity for me
Cause I’m going through a couple things,
Life means change,
That’s the way it goes,goes
All my life I had a constant burning
A strong deep,desire
An aching ambiguous,yearning,yearning,
yearning

For something better
For something bigger
For something wider
For something higher
And lots of regrets
Cause I ain’t seem to found it yet
I’ve been searching around the world

http://nikabrightlightwarrior.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/what-does-this-me...

Exasperation, annoyance, vexation, irritation, dissatisfaction, discontentment, aggravation.

I know that this site is all about loving oneself and "making it beautiful". But part of doing so is keeping it real. I'm very tense and frustrated at this present moment. There are sometimes in life when it just feels like NOTHING is going right. I mean nothing ever goes my way in life period but it just gets worse and worse and I feel like I can't handle it. I get myself together after awhile but... i dunno.

Maybe that "I dunno" is that feeling of frustration, isn't it? Its that feeling of not knowing where to start, how to finish, how to handle everything that overwhelms a person... ALL THAT... those aforementioned words that are synonymous with frustration. I'm tired as hell. At this present moment, I'm in a coffeehouse waiting for a friend to come and meet me and the fact that ppl can NEVER be on time makes me frustrated. Its not even a mood I'm in. I feel like Im always at the brunt of stuff.

Please enjoy's this Brother's beautiful expression.

I am a 29yrs old, I will actually be 30 on March the 20th. Currently my life is changing right before my eyes and there's really not much I can do, except keep my head up, pray and try my best to stay true to myself. Here is a short story about what I am going through, I've been with the same man for 12 yrs, I had one younger bother whom I (as most big sisters do) helped raise, my parents have been married for 32yrs and since I was 15, I've always kept a steady job. The man that I love spent time in and out of jail thru most of his 20's, and the last time he went I (like most women in my situation) thought he could change, well as you probably already know before you read it, I was wrong. But, I will say he does love me with all his heart, he just isn't right. On March 12, 2005, my little brother took his own life, which I took pretty hard being that was only sibling and I grew up with a certain responsibility to him, so when he did what he did, I myself, can't help but feeling like I failed as a sister. And, at this point and time in my life the man I love was there for me 150% literally, I spaced it for 2yrs and he stepped up to the plate at time.

“I used to be The Wife. I used to be The Mother. But now I’m Shirley Valentine again,” she said to her husband, who went to Greece to collect her (she went there for adventure and to find herself). “Would you like to join me for a drink?”

In the movie Shirley Valentine, Shirley talked about her dreams and goals, which got lost inside of her. What’s the point of having dreams if you don’t do anything about them? An “unused life” is how she describes what happened to her.

What happened to Shirley Valentine? Nothing. That’s the whole point. She was bored, stuck in a routine, wasting her life in Liverpool – until she began her journey of self-discovery.

Shirley Valentine once had personality and attitude, but she drowned in her marriage and kids. Her daughter and husband totally took her for granted and treated her like a maid – but she let them. Somewhere along the way Shirley Valentine taught her family how to mis-treat her.

Life has been very funny for me. I have had my ups and downs. I have learned some hard lessons on the way, and I have received and been a source of great pain.

I don't know what it is about getting older, but I have to admit, I love being 35 years old. I find that I don't invite drama into my life as I use to do. I also find I don't allow others to bring the drama into my life. I want to tell the truth, I want to speak my mind, I want to be healthy, I want to grow up.

Today I started off on a HIGH NOTE. Emails and talking with friends pass on fruitful knowledge like I usually do . Then I passed on something to some on in somewhat confidence ( did not think she would spread the word because it was meant for her ears only) . Well she passed the word and to many, many people some of which I don't know. But then she passed it on to my MAN ! Uhmmmm. The heat raised in my belly and I let out a fire storm or words for her. Her husband and my man are best friends and yes they hooked us up HOWEVER......

Another Hallmark holiday is on it's way, Valentines Day! I found myself clicking on an ad on MSN.com regarding Valentines Day gifts for him and her. I figured I could steal some ideas for my beau. Even though I came across some things that seemed like a good idea I began to think about how I'd much rather be creative. There are also a few things that I've had my eyes on at the mall but, I'd much rather receive something thoughtful that came straight from the heart.

Kwanzaa unlike Christmas is about giving gifts that you actually made and created yourself. I think Valentine's Day should be like that for a change. How about making your sweetie some homemade candy or fresh baked cookies instead of giving Hershey or Fannie Mae your funds? Who wouldn't love homemade desserts after a homemade meal? If it's something your love has been telling you they have a taste for and you haven't gotten around to making it yet, why not find the recipe and attempt to make it for V-Day! Even if it doesn't come out right I'm sure they'll love you for taking mental notes and actually remembering.

today i realized that he really doesnt care! He's mot my botfriend, or my husband but he's the one I love. He has no are, no house, an ok job.. prolly no future, but I love him! It's been fuve years and Ive been by his side through two girlfrens, two jail times and yet he neva gave me the chance to be "his". January 1st 2008 girlfren numba 2 broke up wit him. For 1 week, It felt like It was my time... Then Thursday I took hm too her house and I havent seen or heard from him since... I know he's no good, I know he's not worth it.. but I can't let go. I feel that the hurt I feel from not pickin up the next time he calls will be more then the pain of letting go. Sistas I need strength!

One thing I would not tolerate is being underestimated and disrespected by anyone. All my life I have worried about other people feelings. I will always hold back things I say or how I felt. I even caught myself changing my attitude for people. Recently, I was going through some stuff with a friend and instead of telling that person how I felt I continued to act the way they wanted me act and that is keeping a smiling face. This hurt me so badly because I was putting on a major front. My heart actually felt hurt. However on the other end I could blame myself for changing my ways to please people but on the other end this person knew how I felt and decided to continue on. Not one time did he/she think about my feelings. I consider this to be a form of disrespect and underestimating me to the fullest.