Ok, so I came to the conclusion that “It Is”Love I Really Want…and the person I want love with is my knight & shining armor(My True Friend). Was it always like that…Ummmmm No! One thing I can say, is that if we were nothing else, we were friends, more him then me….I can admit that because he stuck by me through so much drama & trauma. He never judged me, never questioned me and never turned his back on me. Even when time passed & we did not speak, he was there for me.I just was not aware! Why, because I was so consumed with what I thought I wanted.

Even when I was going through my drama & trauma, he sat patiently and remained a true “friend”. All this time holding true to his feelings for me….Feelings, that was more then just “friendly”. After my trauma & drama he stilled remained a true “friend”, however, expressions of his love were very adamant. Where did they come from I thought to myself, is this all of a sudden….Thinking back on the 5+ years we have been friends, I now realize that his love for me has always been there, I was just too consumed to see it and feel it.

Using anything and anyone to get to me...even my kids. I will be back to discuss this more, but any insight is greatly appreciated on ways that I can defend myself from him without hurting them (kids). Who can I turn to? Any insights? I am needing as little contact with him as possible. Visitation where when he picks them up, I am not there. I need this documented with an agency of some sort. Harrassing phone calls and texts, shouting matches, etc.

My thumbs hurt from typing on the qwerty keyboard of my blackberry, but I wait again for the red light to blink & yellow smiley face to appear on my screen! Indicating that I have yet another blackberry message from you! Ooh the light is blinking!!! Darn!! It wasn’t you it was someone else saying hello, hey girl what’s up.. So I reply and hope the next reply is from you.

You’re apart of the substance of the thing I hope for and the evidence of an institution of marriage I have only seen for others and not myself. So, I guess I’ll call you faith!

You’re the faith that tells me one day I will find the husband the thing that I so desire. You’re the faith that tells me that black men still love black women and black love is not dead. You’re the faith that tells me that love and not lust prevails, chivalry not disrespect is alive & well, and that marriage still means something to someone somewhere.

Why is that I seek to have someone to love, and love me back?

Simple its just human nature. We all need someone in one way or another. Whether it is a mate to spend your life with, a friend to associated with or a lover to satisfy that needs now and again.

Whatever your desire may be its important to know exactly what it is you are needing and wanting and express this to your potential partner. Uncertainty can leave a bitter taste behind for all involved parties.

say I am ready to settle down with that one special someone, to spend my life creating a loving, Peaceful and fulfilling relationship with. My problem is that I have a certain “type” individual who I am attracted to, nothing outrages…

Loving & attentive
Respectful ( a must that goes both ways)
Gainfully employed (no need to be a baller or shot caller, just a good HONEST living)!
Positive Sense of Humor…..with an Ability to make me laugh (very important)
Understand and respect the fact that I do have children, that they are my first priorities (always)
Willingness to create a loving and peaceful environment for the “entire” household.

Women are “Fun Thieves”! And, this is how the conversation started. I started laughing because I was shocked at what just came out of his mouth. Fun thieves? I know that I am witty, a jokester, and the life of the party how can “I” be a fun thief? I asked these questions, and then he broke it down. When women are in a relationship they have a keen ability to call, text, etc right when their man is about to enjoy himself. The sad thing was my friend is not the only man who feels this way.

I can run, I can race for hours & hours and not stop
I can soar, I can fly through the highest mountain top
I can breathe in, I can drink in your love
I can live on your smile...
I can trip but if I can fall into your arms
I can stay there my whole life...

I can live, I can love, I can be better with U...for real.
I can hear, I can feel, i can see, i can tell U r...for real!

Disclaimer: First off, let me say that this is my first time doing a blog here on YMIB. So, to be able to voice out my own personal inspiration, life experience and advice is forever priceless!

I was doing my daily browsing on Facebook today, and happened to run across another young woman's page; and as I did, her status read..

"Be with someone who appreciates you when they have you!"

Quickly, that concise statement spoke volumes to me. It also had my mind racing back to all my previous relationships. LADIES, how many times do we put up with men who don't have our best interest? How many times do we often give our partners the benefit of the doubt for their "mistakes"? Stepping out on your significant other, foremost is NOT a mistake -- it's an intentional action, that can always be prevented, if it's in your will!

hi sisters

Hetep Beautiful Sisters,

I've been away for a while. I just wanted to thank you--especially my network of sisters who have communicated with me--I didn't see your posts until now. Lots has been happening since I was last active in my own life. I'm still so very thankful for this site and the healing, joy, beauty that we all bring to it. Peace, Liaya

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Hello!

I'm DerShar and I'm 17
I love to sew, and I'm an aspiring fashion designer.
I'm plannng on going to college next year and. I'm excited to see what life is really like on my own.
I listen to all sorts of genres, from folk to R&B.
My favorite artists are Sondre Lerche, Corinne Bailey Rae, John Mayer, and NoraH Jones.
I have locs.
I started them a week before my 17th birthday. It was a bold change that I made because I felt like I was covering who I really was by getting perms or straightening my hair.
I love them, and how they make me feel. I do get impatient sometimes because its a long process.

I chose to join this sisterhood because it seems to represent who I am now. And who I want to become as I become a woman.

BYE!
:D

Sistas,

Before we form our mouths to say “there are no good black men” we need to look at this from a different perspective. Here, we’ll visit the socio-economic factors then we’ll go into personal accountability.

BUT FIRST: It’s one thing to want a man that meets your “standards” aka requirements and it’s another thing to have unattainable standards. Reevaluate those first. Accountability.

It is fact that black men make up the MAJORITY of the prison population (in comparison to any other race&sex) and the MINORITY of the college population. So while you’re getting your master’s master’s, he has been going day to day being “a black man in America.” With this comes a lot: racial profiling, glass ceilings, being looked over for “good jobs,” “driving while black,” street influences, pressures from every-whicha-way be they psychological, physical, emotional etc.

The Divine Creator of the Universe is truly amazing. Wisdom is the manifesting of the knowledge that we have. For so long, I was a knowledgeable woman, but today I am Wise. The Most High slowed me down enough to reveal to me, my true self and not only did he/she reveal her, she made me accept and embrace her and become her and through that, everything I want comes. I see the Universe opening up to me, simply because I stopped and honored myself. God says, when you honor you, you honor me. Be your best self, and through that you get everything you want and I get everything I want. You want love, marriage, finances, peace of mind, the ability to travel, healthy children, to be and feel sexy, confidence, freedom to be and share your creative self. All of that is yours to have and when you receive that, I shine and get the praise I deserve. And at the end of all of that you realize that none of that matters. You life is worth much more than you could ever possess. Live your life, attract the wonderful, be magnificent, appreciate the lessons. Forgive...... Love unconditionally and do not attach yourself to any particular situation, because all things change.

I have been doing some thinking which isnt anything new and i was thinking about my sistas. see i meet many people all the time, have done shows with them, sang with or for them, spent the night over their house and shared some really nice moments with them, ate lunch with them,talked on the phone with them, done some their gigs, smiled at them, nodded, shock hands with them, and hugged them.

I have a testimony so i dont have a problem with sharing some of my life with anybody with a little caution( people love misery or ur drama) but its something about having that circle of friends that u can go too to get away from the unrealistic, wishy washy, jealous,envious people that cant pose as "loving u" for too long.(i respect that though) Alot of people that i ALLOW in my space (I say that with passion cause if i dont want u there u will not be) at times have this very assumption of me in their heads until they get a chance to be in my world and some cant really deal.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. u tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

I've been in a three year relationship with my boyfriend. I love him to death. Want to spend the rest of my life with him....but. I feel that we both possess two different maturity levels, and it doesn't become too much of a problem until situations like today:

We are at Walmart and we start to argue about something I brought up so that we could discuss it, not argue, but discuss. Well he ends up raising his voice at me and cursing all sorts of nonsense at me in the parking lot to the point where a friend 2 or 3 rows over, hears us and says "you guys love each other, remember that!" Embarrassing.

So after he disrespected EVERYTHING about me, I proceed to quicken my pace and keep silent because at this point i'm PISSED. I do not want to say anything that I will regret. He tries to match my pace and I tell him to leave me alone...he then says "fuck it, whatever" and turns around to leave. I was confused as to where he was going considering that I drove that day.

I wish I could tell you my heart has completely mended from this heartache I experienced in the beginning of the summer when the love of my life ended our relationship.

I wish I could tell you my mind doesn't stop thinking about him or all of the dreams and plans I had for us.

I wish i could tell you that my every facet of my life has not been affected by him. That I am able to function freely.

I wish I could be your inspiration, showing that one can live a normal life after having her heart crushed and her life turned upside down.

But I can't. Not now at least.

See, I was fine until the very door that God closed, I found a way to pry it open a few times.

Once I was in Victoria, and I saw a very large house. They told me it was a bank and that the white men place their money there to be taken care of, and that by and by they got it back with interest. "We are Indians and we have no such bank; but when we have plenty of money or blankets, we give them away to other chiefs and people, and by and by they return them with interest, and our hearts feel good. Our way of giving is our bank."

- Chief Maquinna, Nootka

Peace Sistars,
First off, let me acknowledge and send thanks to all of the sisters that posted a comment to the blog Marriage on the Way - Need Help! This is an update to that blog.

I took some time to work on me. I cried out to the Universe and I asked for clarity. I took a spiritual bath under the guidance of a friend of mine who's an African Priest. I prayed and I prayed. This past Saturday, my fiance's cell phone called my phone. When I answered I only heard static, so I knew it was a mistake that he called, but something in my spirit said "just listen". I heard him having sex with another woman.
Sisters, I couldn't cry at all. I went home and I smudge my house and I submerge myself in the spirit of God. Currently, I am not living at home, but he continues to call me and ask for my forgiveness. He says this was the first time and it only manifested because his thoughts were clouded and engulfed in lust and perversion.

I thought that if I were to ever enter into a siutation like this my action would be clear, but it is not as clear as it should be.
I need some spiritual advice. Sisters dig in your spirits and send your words.

To all my married, getting ready to marry, thinkin' bout marriage sistahs.......let's vibe for a minute:

Because the peace of my afternoon was interrupted by my young sistah-girl who needed some wisdom about her husband, I feel obligated to share some marital 411.

We all have a purpose - a reason why we were planted here, in this time and space. The trick is to find out what is is, connect with it and stay focused on it. When you marry, or fall in to a long term relationship you run the risk of totally losing yourself to the everyday demands of wifey-hood, motherhood and relationship-hood. That loss of self breeds resentment toward your mate (sometimes your children), and a loss of self worth among other things. Your own self worth is key to being able to function on a daily basis and it is the very essence of your own ability to give and receive love.

Friendships, the ones that want it to be "natural", I have used that word many times "natural", let it happen when it happens, when will that happen...? and in the midst of letting "NATURAL" relationships happen what is your expectations and intentions...what are your thoughts in the process of those "natural" friendships happening? I have had folks come into my life and without a word or an explanation of what went wrong they fade out....was that "natural"? or the issues that most of us have with attachment...commitment....responsibility...and that word love, which kills 90 percent of our "natural" relationships. We use the word "free spirit" loosely too like most use the word love. For me I see alot of those words as cop outs, ways to escape what you really want and an way to use those words to replace your true feelings with an excuse. We all are going through something (nothing new and even that saying is getting old) and most of us want to be something we r not or want others to see this image we have fabricated, created out of thin air without just being who we r and letting others decide if they want to relate, befriend or not.

Peace and many Blessings Sistar Friends,
It has been a while since I have shared, but I am always reading your blogs. I am so thankful for a place like YMIB. The sisterhood is so strong here. I carry your energy with me throughout my life.
I am entering into a really new chapter. My boyfriend has proposed to me. We just recently had a son and we are in the process of buying a house. I must admit that I am overwhelmed with insecurity. I love this man and I want to marry him, but I'm afraid of being cheated on and I'm afraid of divorce. My fiancee' has some friends and I have witnessed them flirting with other women and they are married. My fiancee' likes to go out on Friday nights and that bothers me. I feel that he should be home because during the week he works so much. I see him at 7:00 in the morning and again at 11:00 at night. Fridays are the days he comes home early, but instead of being there with me and our family, he chooses to go out with his friends.
I'm also dealing with some insecurity with my weight. My son is only 4 weeks old, so I have two weeks before I can work out.

I know a lot of people can relate but I've been burned, chopped up, wounded, betrayed, lied to, rejected, by "boyfriends", lovers, complicated friends, girlfriends, best friends, plastic friends, etc. I've been used up, mopped up, ironed down, name it but I had ENOUGH. I'm a very nice and kind person and always try to be someone's support system. It would be valid to say that no one has been there for me, with the exception of God, my little sister and very few close friends. Nothing I do, none of my aspirations, dreams, or goals been supported neither by the people who birthed me, or other family members. Thus I know how it feels to feel alone, so when someone presents me a problem, I do my absolute best to support them, and would even put my life on pause, in order for them to advance. I'm also extremely down-to-earth and quiet, however it seems like people use that to their advantage and think that quietness=dumbness or something.

Today as I was browsing through my facebook friends and readind random status updates, I came across this one that stated something about being the other woman and why the main woman shouldnt be mad at her, she should be mad at her man and that it isnt the other woman's fault that her man wants her...blah blah blah blah

Celebration (1993)

I will bring you a whole person
and you will bring me a whole person
and we will have us tiwce as much
of love and everything

I be bringing a whole heart
and while it do have nicks and
dents and scars,
that only make me lay it down
more careful-like
An; you be bringing a whole heart
a little chipped and rusty an'
sometime skip a beat but
still an' all you bringing polish too
and look like you intend
to make it shine

And we be brinigng, each of us
the music of ourselves to wrap
the other in

Forgiving clarities
Soft as a choir's last
lingering note our
personal blend

I will be bringing you someone whole
and you will be bringing me someone whole
and we be twice as strong
and we be twice as true
and we will have twice as much
of love
and everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i quoted it...and i just wanted to share the whole piece with you all

Sisters,

Who initiates quality time in your relationship? Are you planning all of the dates/ outings or does your man make suggestions or plan things for you guys to do? I find myself always planning my own dates and wondered do most men take on this sitting duck role?? Just trying to gain a bigger perspective outside of my world.

I had a beautiful, lovefest of a weekend full of sun, family, friends, hugs, kisses and good food. It doesn’t get much better than that. As usual, on Sundays I find time to prepare myself inside and out for another busy week. This week in particular, there was a subliminal message playing repeatedly under my internal soundtrack. Although I tried to ignore it, the message was clear and concise. “Let go.” I

’ve been hanging on to this pain in the pit of my belly for a few months now. I won’t get into the details of it, but suffice it to say that I was hanging on to this heartache because I simply couldn’t process it in order to let it go. I thought things were this way, and turns out they were that way. Human beings develop attachments to people, places and things – that’s just what we do - and often, this is the cause of much of our suffering.

I have been going through a rough break-up. It has taken its toll on me so much emotionally that it has physically and mentally caused me anguish. I became so distraught during the "why did we break-up" convo that I blurted out that I will never be in another romantic relationship again. The sad thing was that I truly meant if from my heart.

I know that you should allow the previous guy "damage" you to the extent that you hinder the growth of your next relationship but he really did that. He was not abusive, mean or jealous. He was a compassionate and loving gentlemen. He just didn't think that he was for me anymore. I still think that reasoning is crap because...well I'll digress and continue to the point.

Before my ex, there was another ex whom I fell for. Well...let's just say he fell for other women too. Some while he was even with me. He caused me a lot of pain and hurt. So my recent ex came into the picture and everything was good. Until he made his decision and broke up with me.

A friend of mine texted me the other day, "call me later..I've got breaking news"
My response was, "if it don't involve a man then it is breaking news"
Well needless to say she did not call me or text me again. You see I am at a point in my life where I feel dissatisfied with the way we women let our source of happiness come from a man. Don't get me wrong I love me a real Black man, but I think it is something terribly wrong when that seems to be our only source of happiness. Another friend texted me, "if I were on the side of the road stranded with my drawers on the top of my head...I won't call you" She says you never answer the phone. I told her not to take it personal I'm just taking some time for me and I realized that I waste a lot of time with other women always talking about men. So, she she says ok call me when you get a chance...Kevin's girlfriend has been calling me. Normally I am all on the drama, but I am evolving. I would love to talk these sisters about other things going on in their life...somebody talk to me.

A family member of mine went through a situation where she meet this guy, fell in love, then he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship anymore (sounds like a recurring theme in my family) and broke up with her. A year or so past, he came back, so they decided to reunite. Everything seemed right...until infidelity on her part happened in the later part of the the relationship. She decided to tell confess and now they are in turmoil.

I've been in similiar situations such as this. You fall in love, break up, and then want a second chance, only to blow it in the end. At the point of the second courtship, you have to be honest with yourself and the other person about why things ended and if you can handle a second break-with that person (eventually it will end either in a break-up, divorce or death do you part.) Love is really the only thing that last forever, but it takes a WHOLE lot more than loving the person to keep the relationship going. It keeps an attraction, a pleasure, a connection, WORK! lol