I want to start this entry off by stating that while being a mother is one of the greatest joys of my life, it has also become one of the most challenging aspects. I am a mother of two beautiful goddesses. My eldest is recently turned 9 years old and my baby will be 8 months on the 19th of this month. Although getting used to having a little one again has been tough, I have found that my biggest challenge right now is my 9 year old. Let me just get straight to it:
Because I am a Socially, Spiritually, and Culturally Conscious woman and mother, I try my very best to raise my girls to be the same. Now, I realize that each person is an individual- no two people are exactly alike, no matter how hard one may try to mold another. While I have to battle external forces at my daughters public school, the radio, television, books, movies, etc...(the list goes on and on) I find myself in a constant battle with her father. Note: my daughters both have different fathers***
Now, her father is one that I married at a young age (19) i wasnt really sure about which direction I was headed. As time went by and I was a young mother of 21, I became aware of myself and my circumstances and decided that I no longer wanted to be with a man who was NOT conducive to my self improvement. So, here we are in our early 30s with a 9 yr old who is in a constant tug-of-war between what some would call 'right' and 'wrong' ...'good' and 'evil'...'sane' and 'insane'...lol... He is the epitome of what I believe a man and/or father should NOT BE.... Now, I know that we all make mistakes... I know I make many mistakes...but realizing them and trying to correct them is what truly brings about change. My child is becoming disorderly, misbehaving in school, and I recently found out that she had been exposed to some sexually explicit magazines or something while at her father's new 'girlfriends' house..of which this is number 4 in the last year and a half...I am stuck in a place where I really want him to just go away so that I don't have to eventually be the 'bad person' (to my daughter ) and maybe stop her from seeing him so much... it saddens my heart because there are so many mothers whose children cry out for their absentee fathers and I have one who shows up every other weekend who is probably the worst example of a human being and a father...he wasnt always as bad...and as I think about it he seems to be regressing as time goes on. Becoming more and more immature with the sentiment of a hardened street thug and criminal...
If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can begin to deal with this situation or ways that I can prevent my daughter from following the terrible path of the man that she seeks approval from and loves so very much....
Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Bless.
This is a difficult matter
On one hand I want to tell you Sis protect your baby and ban that man out of her life! On the other hand it might make matters worse, and create a big gap between you and your little princess making you the bad guy.
Maybe you can start by finding out why your ex-husband is regressing in behavior I don't know if the two of you consult with each other about her upbringing but that would be a great start. Maybe he can just pick her up and do something fun/educational with her and bring her back home this way she does not get confronted with all of daddy's women friends and his thuggish ways.
I am one of those mothers that have an ex that chose not to be a part of his sons life but I have to say it is a blessing in disguise because I know that the children would either start misbehaving or become selfdestructive simply because he is.
I am reading how to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk and I am seeing great result my sons open up more and more to me and I feel comfortable that if and when their father steps back in their lives that they will confide in me when things go wrong. We can never protect our babies from all bad things but we can give them the tools to handle them to speak their mind and to confide in us.
Sis you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Chayil
http://chayil-sacred-woman.blogspot.com/