I want to start this entry off by stating that while being a mother is one of the greatest joys of my life, it has also become one of the most challenging aspects. I am a mother of two beautiful goddesses. My eldest is recently turned 9 years old and my baby will be 8 months on the 19th of this month. Although getting used to having a little one again has been tough, I have found that my biggest challenge right now is my 9 year old. Let me just get straight to it:

Because I am a Socially, Spiritually, and Culturally Conscious woman and mother, I try my very best to raise my girls to be the same. Now, I realize that each person is an individual- no two people are exactly alike, no matter how hard one may try to mold another. While I have to battle external forces at my daughters public school, the radio, television, books, movies, etc...(the list goes on and on) I find myself in a constant battle with her father. Note: my daughters both have different fathers***

Now, her father is one that I married at a young age (19) i wasnt really sure about which direction I was headed. As time went by and I was a young mother of 21, I became aware of myself and my circumstances and decided that I no longer wanted to be with a man who was NOT conducive to my self improvement. So, here we are in our early 30s with a 9 yr old who is in a constant tug-of-war between what some would call 'right' and 'wrong' ...'good' and 'evil'...'sane' and 'insane'...lol... He is the epitome of what I believe a man and/or father should NOT BE.... Now, I know that we all make mistakes... I know I make many mistakes...but realizing them and trying to correct them is what truly brings about change. My child is becoming disorderly, misbehaving in school, and I recently found out that she had been exposed to some sexually explicit magazines or something while at her father's new 'girlfriends' house..of which this is number 4 in the last year and a half...I am stuck in a place where I really want him to just go away so that I don't have to eventually be the 'bad person' (to my daughter ) and maybe stop her from seeing him so much... it saddens my heart because there are so many mothers whose children cry out for their absentee fathers and I have one who shows up every other weekend who is probably the worst example of a human being and a father...he wasnt always as bad...and as I think about it he seems to be regressing as time goes on. Becoming more and more immature with the sentiment of a hardened street thug and criminal...

If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can begin to deal with this situation or ways that I can prevent my daughter from following the terrible path of the man that she seeks approval from and loves so very much....

Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Bless.