"Black is beautiful.."
We sing it, chant it, and wear it on our shirts but have we really accepted it as a universal truth. When we have discussions about self esteem and self image we address the women we see on television, magazines, and the women we stereotypically say are "Ghetto." But what of the women who African centered? Has her identification with African culture elevated her self esteem and image to a place where she has no insecurities? Or, are we using just superficial scales to determine if one holds them self in high esteem (i.e. natural hair, the way one clothes them self, etc).Here is the real question if you hated yourself for the majority of your life can a book, movie, and so forth really heal the scars of insecurity.
I have spoken to women who phenotypically are diverse; the full spectrum when it comes to melanin, shape, and size. Almost all of them have stories about not loving who they were and those insecurities still exist today, despite their strong sense self identity. The reality is we pack a nice little bag place it in the closet until something in our life sparks a spring cleaning. I have found one of those sparks to be our relationships with the opposite sex. We enter relationships and question why the other party desires to be with us especially after we have seen his former girlfriend, lover, wife, etc. Then out comes our skeletons...Why does he want to be with me? I am not dark enough. I am not light enough? I don't have good hair. My hair is too nappy. My lips are too small...too big. I am too short, tall, thin, big.......etc etc. We drown in the madness birthed in our head and sometimes push someone who genuinely loves us with all our perfect imperfections away. All because we have not truly begin to love ourselves.
So lets be real....
How can really heal from years of self hate in a society that stills scars us today; and, when most of our insecurities were birthed by our family...
Nzingah
You Got a Point!
"Has her identification with African culture elevated her self esteem and image to a place where she has no insecurities? Or, are we using just superficial scales to determine if one holds them self in high esteem (i.e. natural hair, the way one clothes them self, etc)."
You ever heard of a "headwrap hoe?.This is a label towards a certain sister that wears a headwrap, incense in her mouth,and talking about the 360 revolution yet is still sleeping with lots of men. You know ,to say that the sister has not totally evolved like she "seems" to be. Personally I don't care for that label, I think that women can be just as sexual active as they please,concious or not . Women/Men that are African centered are put on serious pedestals because we tend to forget that these brothers/ sisters are just human -insecurities,issues, problems, faults, doing things at their own demise. You can't escape that, doesn't matter if your the Queen of Kemet or a stripper on the pole. A movie, song, book can't totally heal one's self esteem but can crack the door open for healing. And, the thing about a cracked door is you do have the opportunity to pull it all the away open and walk on in and explore the room that's inside.
I do agree with you that society has bombarded the women/men of color the most for hundred of years with hate, that it is very hard to overcome our self-hatred and mental issues.Yet that's why we need those crys of "Black is Beautiful" If we had continued with this powerful affirmation thru out the years I think we would be in a better mind state- today.
http://melodierenee.livejournal.com/
Good Question
I think the key is to start within (as with anything). I personally made the decision to love my sisters and through that love found my own self-love. Even when I see a so called "ghetto" sister, I find something about her to compliment or love. And when I can't physically see it, I make it my business to speak with her so that I can find something. I got so tired of the sisterhood being destroyed by the fanciful demons within ourselves that I decided to do something about it starting with me. In addition, our women and children are so brutally destroyed by others that I refuse to take part in it. Staying away from Media helps. I enjoy tv at times and radio but the mass market is just not beneficial to my spirit. Perhaps through this dialogue we will find a solution.
Time is too precious a currency to simply spend or waste; it must be invested.
self esteem
well for me, i started with therapy. i signed up for therapy on my own and expressed my issues and thats when the process began. we peeled back the layers of how i thought i was "too this, too that, or less than". i read books on self esteem as well. i basically went to the core of my thoughts and thought about why did i think they way i did
i then surrounded myself around people who reflect me. joined communities to get acquainted with like minded and similar body types as mine and learned how to embrace it
it was a long process, but it was well worth it. i also stopped looking at magazines and music vids (did this long before therapy)
so i believe it's possible. women just need to know how to remove negative folks from their life, surround themselves by better energy and spirits and just be discernful of what they internalize. also, dont be afraid to compliment other women or smile at other women.
i'm a plus sized woman and i'm not gunna lie, some days i get surprised when women smaller than me compliment my image or lighter skinned women compliment my skin color because there was a time when i heavily envied light skinned thinner women.
a good book i read was "Sacred Pampering Principles" by Debrena. i found that book by lookin at YMIB's amazon book list. i read a few other books too. so yes, you can build from reading books, however you have to make up in your mind that you're fully ready for that change
thx for reading this unintended long post! lol
peace