On a subconscious level, undefined expectations may be the root cause for unbalance and unhappiness. It's so easy to get caught up with the labels and roles that we unknowingly take on. But how many of these expectations of who we define our Self with are really made by you? Did others or society put these expectations in your life, which you then took on as your own? Or did you choose to start with your own purpose defined expectations? Begin to explore your relationship with each role in your life.

Here are some reflections that may be helpful to your exploration:

How many roles are you playing right now? Start with the obvious ones – For example: Son, Brother, Sister, Mother. Give your Self this time to look into all the labels or roles that you play in your life. Write down the most obvious ones to get the flow started. Then, begin to write down the ones that may not be so obvious, the roles that you subconsciously find your Self in. If you find this difficult, try thinking your way through your daily routines or weekend journeys and remember the connections you have with the world around you. Sometimes, these subtle roles were not something that you would normally associate with or are only through society's views. For examples: The listener, the peacemaker, the shy person.

Which ones speak true to you? In the list you made, begin to group the roles into Love, Dislike, Hate and Explore Further:

Love - These are the roles that make you feel positive and happy. You enjoy these roles. These roles are aligned with your purpose and passion. These roles express you in all forms.

Dislike – These roles make you feel slightly negative, slightly restricted or/and there feels to be some tension with going forward with it. If you feel any form of slight resistance towards the role, this is the category.

Hate – These roles are not aligned to your Higher Self or purpose. They suppress you from being who you are. Distracting and cause you to feel stress and completely negative. You repel from this role. You find your Self avoiding this role.

Explore Further – Uncertain of these roles? The roles which you may have just discovered through reflection and need some more thought. These roles are usually subtle and will need more time to express their Self with you.

Making the connection:

Some roles interact with others. From your list, highlight each role by connecting with others. Pair them up to their nearest connection. Some roles stand alone. Notice if each role in each pair is in different categories or not - and why. Notice the roles that are on their own – and why.

The S.D.E list begins: With these lists and connections, you may find it easier now to explore your Self Defined Expectations from each role. Go through each role and ask your Self:

1. Do I need this role in my life? If yes/no, why?

2. What am I getting out of it now?

3. For the negative roles - What can I change in my actions/perception so this role is now positive instead of negative?

4. Is this role negative because I simply do not want it?

5. Which expectations are truly my own in my relationship with this role and the world?

6. Which expectations are not my own? – And do I accept it as an adopted Self purpose expectation of my own?

7. What can I do to put my Self forward in a positive way with this role?

8. Can I improve the way I do things in this role? – And how?

This may take time and journal work may help to string all the thoughts together. Please keep in mind that a healthy Self Defined Expectation is one that brings you back into purpose with who you are. It is about you and what you think you can do as a contribution to this role. Don't use your expectations to blame others or situations – Self Defined Expectations are about how you choose to take responsibility for your own actions and reactions to the outer reality. Your Self Defined Expectations are pro-active in changing your visions/actions first. The rest (in the outer reality) will follow.

By beginning the active process of re-assessing your own expectations of each role, you will be able to bring purpose into your daily life. By re-writing your Self Defined Expectations, you will find that you can now choose how you wish to move forward with each role. Begin the chain reaction to a new way of living your life – one that you choose to be happy with your roles in positive growth.