“They say love like you’ve never been hurt, but how can you move forward in life without the pain of the past? It’s as easy as saying: “I forgive you.”

The realization that someone wronged you brings on a whirlwind of emotions. Whether it is a family member, friend or yourself, no amount of justification can console the disappointment in your heart and the fragile organ needed to sustain your very being becomes a harboring ground for bitterness and resentment. Bad things happen to good people all the time. When faced with termination of relationships and friendships, I found solace in the belief that there was something I could have done differently but didn’t. It took me years of heartache to realize that some things are just not meant to be. Yes, my past hurts have done a number on me but I’d be lying if I said they didn’t mold me into a better person.

As a child I was taught to forgive people, especially if I wanted the Lord’s forgiveness. With this embedded in my psyche, I forgave people more readily. But somewhere between then and now, the act of forgiveness has lost its connotation. Why is it so hard to say those three words and genuinely mean it? And why is it so hard to let go of the past? We all know the damaging ramifications of an unforgiving attitude: it blocks blessings, makes you bitter and repels people from your life. Yet, we are so adamant about holding on to feelings that accompanied past incidents.

Maybe we assume that by forgiving the person, we give them control over the situation and they win. Or maybe, it will show our weaknesses. For me, I was unsure of how to forgive people and knew that in forgiving them, the situation was really over and I had to move on. I was not ready to get to that point because what lay ahead of me was more uncertainty. Crazy reasoning aside, I cheated myself out of many blessings because I couldn’t say those three words with meaning. So wasn’t I losing anyway?

To this day, forgiveness is a constant battle for me. Every day is a new situation in which I must forgive. I’ve learned to go with the ebb and flow of life but occasionally I find my heart preparing to harbor resentment. That was me today until I opened a forwarded e-mail from my sister. The statement at the top of the chain letter was able to strike a major chord and shift my focus and energy. It read:

“God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED.  To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.”

So when they say love like you’ve never been hurt before, it does not mean you have to forget your past, it just means you have to forgive it.

About The Author: Nicole Miles is a freelance writer currently residing in Brooklyn, NY. After graduating from Parsons The New School in Design, Nicole delved straight into the reporting of women's cultural issues in fashion, beauty and lifestyle. Still at the cusp of her career, Nicole's work has been published in Gen Art Pulse, StyleCaster and Clutch Magazine. In her downtime, she manages to rant through her conversational blog, Writer's Block.