"It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." -Charles Dickens.

Meanwhile At the office internal dialogue begins – 'This job is not for me. I need change? What do I want? I am not sure, I feel stuck but I know I just cannot carry on? What do I need to do? I feel so lost?

The pain of self talk and feeling stuck is all to familiar. You want change but how and what is it you need to do? You don’t know how you are going do it. I remember crying out to the Creator and asking him to reveal to me what my purpose was. Then unexpected events occurred and doors opened up for me. So I ask you, as the book says, “What Color Is Your Parachute” or as I say Prada shoes? As I read the book, I found that I couldn’t seem to focus because there was too much mind chatter going on in my head at that time. What I needed was somebody to talk and to listen to me without judgement, and help me come to a place where I understood what I wanted to be. I needed what I love to call ‘a witness’. I needed somebody to witness me and my process of finding my true calling. Somebody who did not need to give me advice on what I ‘should do’. I needed a neutral person. This I did find several years later. I found my diamond…my core Value, my I AM...my Self.

Without self evaluation you spend your life going round and round in circles. Part of you believes that life has got to get better, but every time you try to move in that direction you are faced with the firing squad of your mind – which tends to be made up of interjections from either Society , Parents, Friends, or the media. It seems as though they are all shouting: ‘STOP’ Black people don’t do ………… women don’t do ……..Asian people don’t do … …….men don’t do …… what about money, and the status, be a good girl………don’t rock the boat …..make money and you will be a success. With all of these beliefs and interjections we tend to run back to safety, to the norm, until we get uncomfortable again.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” - Albert Einstein

So we start another cycle and set of behaviors. As you really get uncomfortable you decide to open your own business. You do the ‘right thing’ again, get business training, a loan etc., and start your business. It's ok but its not great and even though you are making money at doing what you love, you still don’t feel at peace. Or maybe you get to the top of your game at work where you are celebrated as the "Golden Girl", but you still feel unhappy and as uncomfortable as I did.

So, you ask yourself: what’s the problem? You are some what successful and making money, but does success really mean making money? The answer is No! Money helps you to obtain physical objects such as shoes, clothes, etc., and also gives you the ability to exist in this society. It doesn’t take away that feeling of emptiness that you thought would disappear along with the firing squad of joy stealers (actually they don’t go either, they just know their place and don’t speak much). The problem is that even though money is important in our lives, it does not equate to personal success. Moving from “Just Over Broke” to “Savvy Business Women” does not always equate personal success. I should know because I have visited both streets.

The real show starts when you look at what is underneath your decisions. What are your values? For example, if you know you want to own your own cake shop, you have to ask yourself if catering is your main value or do you just equate Aunties rum filled Christmas cake with comfort and joy; and what you are really wanting to be able to do is something creative like make jewelery or teach art to pre-school children. In my practice I see many clients of all ages who are unable to decide what they want to do. Filled with a suitcase load of beliefs which are not their own such as: 'I am too old to do ……. (Fill in the blanks). Too many people within the world believe that they should do a business because it will make money or because their family or friends thinks that it’s the best thing to do.

The biggest killer of dreams for women over 40 is the belief that they are too old to retrain for a new career. I believe we should never train just for one career for our current lifetime. We have to embrace change and break free from limitations. The saddest words I hear regularly that breaks my heart are the words ‘I am too old to study’. I have a close friend who at sixty two has just discovered Art. It has taken her sixty years to discover that age is just a number. I tell her the present is important right now!

Now back to your values. Your values are what is important to you, the real you! Not what your parents or partners feel is important but what you really want?

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." -Arnold Bennett

Awareness brings responsibility and finding out your own values are about chipping away all the beliefs that are not your own. Working on what you really want is very difficult because you are getting rid of a lifetime of beliefs and habits that were chosen by others. It is wise to get the support of a good counselor or coach if you have a lot of blocks and limiting beliefs that you are feeling uncomfortable with. Remember the key here is to support yourself during this time or you will be carrying out another pattern and using yet another limiting belief such as; ‘ it doesn’t work’ or ‘ It’s no use’. Remember we have brilliant minds so let’s be wise.

Also, try not to measure yourself against hugely successful people all the time. I am not saying that you should not be inspired, but be mindful, a lot of successful people have a ‘healing/personal development ‘street team’ such as: Nutritionists, Therapists, Coaches, Mentors, Astrologers, Healers, Feng Shui consultants etc. Some people will not carry out business on certain days because they are auspicious. I have clients who work with me in conjunction with deep tissue therapist and nutritionists to support them with having a work /life balance. This is really an important factor. If you need your own ‘street team’ then do so, but remember to use your judgement and intuition when selecting people to work with. What ever you do the choice is yours. Ask for guidance and open up to change. You may feel that you are faced with both the best and worst of things because you are standing at a unique place of choice between creation and chaos, but always remember, you are not alone.

So I ask you again, What Color Is Your Parachute, or Prada Shoes? Will you choose the direction that others have given you only to maintain an expected societal status, or will you travel that path that is guided by your heart and your values?