I've been making so many exciting changes, and moving towards a more balanced and fulfilling life by working to surround myself with positivity in every way. As I began to make these inner (emotional/spiritual) changes, the one thing I'd been neglecting became glaringly apparent: my health! I picked up some horrible eating habits while stressed out and broke in New York, and some horrible habits for managing stress (trying to drink and party my pain away). I know that part of balancing the rest of my life means adding health to that list as well, so my journey has begun. I've started by reading the Sacred Foods chapter of Sacred Woman, doing morning yoga, and drinking more water. I also sat down and took a personal inventory of sorts, so I can see what needs to change. It was hard to even write! It doesn't look like the writing of the girl who used to create big beautiful salads, steep herbs, and dance every week. But I know looking at it will help me move forward. I wanted to share it here, so I can't hide from it any longer :) Here's what I wrote:

My health and what I want to change.

I’m getting older now. I’m 27 years old, and although I look and feel pretty good, I know I could be doing better. I know I shouldn’t have as many problems, aches, and pains as I do. I also know that I’m fortunate to have a wealth of knowledge and support at my fingertips for doing better.

I’ve come to understand that maybe I’m just not built like everybody else around me. If they can eat tons of fried foods and processed things, that’s fine. But it doesn’t work for me. It’s harmful to my health, and it’s making me sick.

Problems/Issues

Chest pain
Heart palpitations
Shortness of breath
Joint pain
Depression
Lack of energy
Insomnia
Skin eruptions
Dizziness
Fainting

Clearly, something is wrong. Most times doctors can tell us what’s wrong when something goes terribly wrong—a stroke, a heart attack—I don’t want to reach that point.
I don’t want to be trapped inside an unhealthy body. I was blessed with a strong, healthy vessel. One that sets off alarm bells when something is even a little bit wrong. And for that I’m grateful. Now what I have to do is listen and move forward.

Yesterday, I had terrible foods. Mother’s beans with ham hocks in them, followed by a late night snack of chocolate cake frosting. That’s when I felt my womb literally cry out. I felt pain churning within her, and I’m nowhere near my menses. When I placed my hands over my womb, she said, “enough is enough! We can’t go through this anymore!”
Time to make a change.

As I continue my journey towards a healthier life, I know one of the things that hinders me is depression and stress. When I feel overwhelmed or pessimistic, I’m not good to my body. Two things I’ve been wanting to do to help balance myself are yoga and meditation. When I meditate, I often grow impatient or think of things that need to be done. I need to work on improving my meditation skills. I have to admit that while I feel wonderful after doing it, I have always disliked yoga. Today I decided to do a shortened practice (8-10 mins.) of Sun Salutations, and paid close attention to my body as I did so. I realized that a main source of my dislike comes from my joint pain. It makes it tough and painful to hold poses, and the discomfort is where my energy is focused. Clearly I need to take steps to correct my joint pain.
Diet:
I know it needs to change. The food I eat does not serve me. I sometimes find myself eating certain foods to “fit in” or feel connected.

My experience with eating a healthier/vegetarian diet was tainted as it was an outgrowth of a very controlling relationship. When I think about taking control of my diet, I think about that man who took control of me. I need to take steps to release that.

I’m also allergic to soy. My body doesn’t do well with anything highly processed, and reacted badly to it. Unfortunately soy is a cornerstone of the vegetarian lifestyle in most cases. I need to find alternatives that work for me (fill me up, provide adequate protein)

Maybe instead of soy foods, I’ll substitute with brown rice and beans like I did in Costa Rica. Eating brown rice, beans, and fresh fruit 3 times daily filled me up, and I had tons of energy.

Will I cut out meat? Maybe maintain a pescatarian diet since I’m not eating soy.

I’ve known for awhile that my body was crying out for a juice fast to rid itself of toxins. Maybe now is the time to start changing my diet so that I can prepare myself for that process.