I am in an emergent space right now. Wanting to be more authentic and creative. Wanting to live my day to day from a place of purpose and intention. Wanting to be more insightful and share my discoveries with other mamas and women in the world. But I am finding that instead of being true to my path, true to where I currently am in my life, I am waiting to be in that perfect balance of creativity and love, life and work. Waiting to be “perfect” so then I can share my insights and wisdom. That is not what my life or this blog is about.

A smile really goes a long way. When Monique won an Oscar for playing the most horrible mother of the year I cringed. Phylicia Rashad never won any awards for her role as Claire Huxtable on TV. Many times society and Hollywood never praises the mother who is intelligent, beautiful, and most of all happy. Many mothers cannot keep a smile on their face that displays pure joy when acting or just simply being. Phlycia Rashad showed the side of the black woman that we rarely get to see. Even, when there were challenges with her children and family there still was a joy. She loved Black men and she adored her husband. She didnt resort to conflict to resolve issues. She was sexy and she wasnt needy. She could hold her own. A lot of people felt the Cosby show was just too happy. It wasn’t real. Families and children need “too happy” in their lives. We need to recognize and celebrate happy women.

I was laying bed with my son this morning and the spirit said to me that grandfathers are important. We have lost so many of our grandfathers due to many leaving during the age of welfare, when men in the house equaled no benefits. We have lost grandfathers due to prisons and health reasons too. I lost my maternal grandfather to cancer. However, his spirit has always been with me. He gave my grandmother a wedding present that sat in my room as a child. This present now sits in my son’s bedroom.

My paternal grandfather never knew how to read but was very intelligent and had children who were very book smart. His weakness never stopped him from accomplishing goals.

Grandfathers give us ambition. They show the end result of hard work and keeping families together. They prove what hard work and determination can get you. Grandparents teach in more silent and effective ways and allow us to grow fluidly with courage. Parents don’t always have the maturity to accomplish this.

I have written about my 16 year old daughter, who is very beautiful, talented, creative. however she struggles with people thinking well of her. She is on the honor roll in school and takes her education seriously, she is the only child and she is very outgoing, she loves nature, animals and the arts, african dance, painting, writing and especially acting. she is in an off broadway play which she is very excited about. She remembers ever since she was young other people around her would forget her for instance, she would be the last one to be pick or they would forget about her, She says she tries her best to fit in but for some reason she would be forgotten about and she would have to remind people all the time to think of her. I am concerned and realize she is going through adolescence, but she cries about being left out all the time. If anyone has any advice or direction for her I would appreciate it so much.

Today is my 24th Wedding Anniversary.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 12, 1985
When I think back and remember that I was 21 and he was 25 - I remember two grown kids who had NO CLUE what they were getting into. Had no idea that God would give them 4 musicians to raise and knit them together so close as man and wife that you would have a hard time throwing a feather between them.

FAST FORWARD 24 YEARS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

We had a long competition weekend with our youngest son and today we spent our anniversary day recuperating. My hubby woke me up this morning telling me to get whatever I wanted from the grocery store and HE would cook it for my special anniversary dinner. So, this evening, I had a wonderful veggie stir-fry with white wine. But, most importantly, I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have shared this many years with the same man. Not just the same man, but one who has been intent on letting me be me and giving lots of encouragement, friendship, comfort, laughter and love on this marital journey. To have a husband who is also your best friend is a major blessing.

Wait on him and he will surely come.

Peace Sisters!!

Child One = Venti, Double Espresso Macchiato, 3 Sugars. Alias: Marley, age 5.

Child Two = Grande, Soy Chai Tea with a touch of Chamomile, No Sugar. Alias: Sage-Niambi, age 3.

I would not add a shot of Espresso to my Chai tea, nor would I add chamomile to my Double Espresso.

First I have to say thank you all for your support and on going prayers!

Unfortunately, my great niece Daisja Weaver has been murdered by her own blood- dad Alandus Weaver. My niece Tamaira Creagh, Daisja's mom has been a victim of abuse , physical/mental for a long time. According to her lawyers we the family are unable to speak (openly) regarding the case. Out of fear of her and her unborn child's life, she was coerced into silence for 24hours- along with making false statements to the police and the media. Saturday, was her breaking point away from an abusive boyfriend. Both parents have been charged with tampering with evidence, although she was actually an eye witness to coming home from working 9-9pm to find her daughter dead after being in his care all day.

This God forsaken situation has not only torn our family apart but has brought all of us together.It hurts...my brother had her at a young age putting me and my niece a lil over 10yrs apart. We started off close, as if she was my little sister- I truly had no idea of the type of hold this "so-called" man had on her.

On Wednesday an AMBER ALERT was issued for my brothers 9mo old granddaughter! Taken from her Dallas TX home around 11:30-midnight. After watching news clips and talking to family I continue to feel sadden by the disappearance of this baby. I take the time to remember the Lord...I know with prayer anything is possible- even to the point of sometimes not wanting to pray due to the out come. I continue to ask that you pray- For our family and the safe return of Daisja Weaver. There is a bad thunderstorm watch going on as we speak so the ground conditions are not great.

The action plan for today:

A-Our local family/friends in TX will conduct a search team

B- Pass out and post flyer's

C- Continue to talk to people.

For more update info: fox4news.com

Being so far away I feel my hands are tied behind my back. I just spoke with my niece a week ago.....I haven't even had the chance to see her and the baby since her birth. She's loved so much so pls. don't believe the saying" Out of sight, out of mind". One of the hardest positions in my life to be in right now...

ALERT DETAILS

Last Seen: June 09 at 11:30 p.m.
Last Location: Dallas
Date of birth: Sept. 10, 2008

I know most of you reading this are probably saying what is the parental rights law.You think get married ,have some kids ,they belong to you and your husband ,you raise them and case closed.right? WRONG! As we know the states have the right to dictate most of what can and can't be done with your kids when it comes to raising them and they use the enforcing agency well known as CPS or Children Protective Services.I'm sure we have all heard horror stories of how they come in rip children from their families ,place them in foster homes and the rest is a nightmarish history.Well the laws of the states and their bully big dog agency CPS are being handed over to the feds.That's right! Big Brother just might be taking over and if that happens ....watch out ! We don't have much support as it is from Washington when it comes to parental rights,so we do not need the federal government impacting ANY laws and dictating how we raise our families.If you still don't quit get what I'm trying to relay to you here is an example:

HELLO MY NAME IS MRS. MARIKIEA K. O'DAY.I'M NEW 2 THE SITE AND THE SISITER FAMILY CIRCLE.I JUST WANTED 2 SAY HELLO 2 EVERYONE AND SAY HAVE A BLESS SUNNY TUESDAY!!!

i missed my ymib family. its been a while. i gave birth four months ago and im getting into motherhood

how has everyone else been?

well i hope

Taking care of the home, giving quality time to my family, preparing educational lessons for daughters, and being loyal to my customers are all important. So it is imperative that in areas where I can teach my children how to be self-sufficient, I do, and it began early. There is time put into this teaching, but with children absorbing like sponges and having the innate desire to be independent, the time put in is worth it. There are three things that should always be consistent when teaching children how to be self-sufficient: "heads up", praise, supervision. Below are a few situations and tips on helping your child become more independent, which in turn may free up your time to complete all other important task.

Pacifier

In an October post I mentioned about how excited I was to be cross-marketing with another business. With months of communicating via email, I am pleased to announce that this endeavor has positive results.

Well, it's 2009 and I made a vow not to take any old mess from 2008 into 2009. Well, it's a little harder than I thought. I love my family but they really know how to get on my last nerve!! I'm trying very hard to be the best daughter I can be but my mom and dad are pushing me to the edge. My mom is a nick picker about everything, she has the perfect way to do anything and guess what it's always her way. LOL!! I'm trying to deal with her pushy and demanding ways but it's hard when you don't want to hurt her feelings at the same time.

My dad is.... well he's just... No need to sugar coat!! he just gets on my nerves!!!!!! I've been trying to tackle some financial matters by paying off any debt and my dad is including himself in my debt. He feels like I owe him for everything!!! I try to ignore him and not get upset but then he pushes a button and I go off and then of course I'm just dead wrong. I mean is it me or is it just wrong to take a life insurance policy on your kid that you know is in a financial rut and say here pay for it!! When the kid never asked for the policy???

How do you deal with toxic people in your life who also happen to be family members? It can be very difficult to separate from toxic people, and even more so from family members because we are so closely interwined.

I love my family very much, but the home environment I was raised in was extremely dysfunctional (domestic violence, etc). I made a vow to myself from a young age not to emulate certain patterns. I have made a lot of progress in self-healing by doing things such as going to counseling, developing my spirituality, and generally moving towards positvity. I've accepted the fact that my family is addicted to drama and will probably never change, but I don't have to be that way. Emotionally, I've found it best to distance myself from them.

Sister, I can relate. I have done genealogical research on my side of the family that is not close. I chose the adventure for my self knowledge and especially for my babies. Here we go this is how you can start.....

Make a folder to store all your data you discover.

Dig up as many names, birth dates, death dates and stories as possible.

Most major cities have a Genealogy Library, check with the local libraries and see if you have one in your city. If not, the Genealogy Library has some records on line. All the libraries in the U.S. have records from all the states and even some foreign countries. You can google the Library...

Universities near you may have genealogy groups established, that would be a good start. So hit up your local colleges, universities and especially Historically Black ones. You can inquire in the History departments and the campus Libraries.

You can also google the surnames(last names) and counties your ancestors lived. You may be surprised, sometimes other individuals have started archiving your ancestors and are seeking more information. You may be the missing link to someone Else's family tree.

I have just been through a traumatic experience in my life which almost compromised everything I believed in. My husband had asked me for a divorce. I will admit that our marriage was not picture perfect. He was controlling and verbally abusive but I truly felt that if I showered him with love, then he would realize that he had a good woman standing by his side. I mean, I really thought that if I showed him with enough love and nurturing, because I truly feel that love conquers all, and give him all that he wanted, then he would appreciate me. Where the heck was my self-esteem? I made so many sacrifices in our marriage. We eloped because he insisted on not having anyone but the JP at our wedding; needless to say, my parents were devastated; I removed myself from my social circle because he didn't like any of my girlfriends; I distanced myself from any work function or social activities because I looked like "the sell-out"; Would you believe I even contemplated cutting off my locs because he wanted me to change my look? I am so glad I didn't do it.

I now understand fully my role as mom in the family, and the power that I posses to make my family better or worse. Some people think that being a parent is just simply TELLING a child what to do and what not to do, but there is so much more to parenting, more than I think we understand at the beginning of parenthood. As the mother of this family, I have a duty to nurture my children and the man in my life, to create a home life that is inviting, open and comfortable, and to be as transparent as I can. For a long time I felt that keeping my mistakes from my children would benefit them, but I get it now that being transparent, allowing them to see that mom was where they are once upon a time in my life is been wonderful, and has bridged a gap between us. With the man in my life, it has taken me some time to realize that being open and honest is love, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I have to love him enough to be honest, love him enough to trust him with the parts of me that are deep and in a place that very few ever get to see. Becoming more open and getting off of my imaginary perfect pedestal has been therapeutic, and just a great feeling.

If you did not get downtown in Washington, D.C. this weekend you missed it!

It was fun to be had with beauty, good food eating , family, dancing all around you. I Really Really enjoyed myself this Sunday at the Black Family Reunion. My son ( 8yrs.old.) and my self enjoyed our selves totally, the food had your senses running you did not know which way to turn and wish fired fish stand, or Bar-B-Q stand to go to next! We danced with family ( White , Asian, Middle Eastern, ) all day long everyone was gracious, loving, warm, and wanted to hug you all day long!

We had a ball and cant wait till NEXT YEAR!

I try to be the most positive that I can be, but when it comes to my mother...I can only ask why? Why is it, that the person who brought me into this world has caused me the worst pain. I am a sensitive being with a hard shell but this wound I got, never seems to close and heal. No matter how much praying, meditation, or fasting I do, I am still very bruised from a very verbally abusive childhood. I grew with a mother who verbally told me on many occasions that she hated me and wished I was never born. I am her first born child and I have two younger brothers. My brothers are her babies, but me, in her words I am " vex to her spirit." I am now 29 with my own daughter, I'm at a lost with the emotional turmoil as I am raising her. What has happened when I was growing has affected my relationship with my child. With all the love and patience I got , the one person I most desired to be loved from has burned a hole in my soul. I've begged my mother to love me. I've begged her to tell me what I did. Also to forgive me and lets start brand new. To no avail.

This is to my YMIB Family....

I have not seen any new articles on the site in quite sometime? What's going on?

Hope all is well at the YMIB home base.

or until Jesus comes back...That's what my husband and I always tell each other. I can't imagine living life without him. I feel so secure in him and the love we share.

For a while now, I have been perturbed by this whole let's just get a "divorce thing" especially with "church" folks.

Yah can't work it out?

I stumbled across this article, "My marriage was a mistake". (Read More Here). I've also been watching investigative legal shows where spouses are killing the other spouse. WTH is wrong with people?

Irreconcilable differences or irrevocably broken is just code for "I'm a quitter" or "I'm too lazy or selfish to make my marriage work". Yes, I know there are exceptions to every rule and maybe this does not apply to you. If not, keep it pushing.

When I was a child, I burned my arm while playing near a kerosene heater at my paternal grandmother’s house. I was no more than four years old at the time, but I the evidence of the burn remains. It has grown with me on my left arm. My paternal grandmother had a similar scar. She once told me how she got it, but I have long since forgotten. In my mind, it was one of the many things that solidified our special bond. When I saw her in the hospital this summer, I looked for that scar in a semi-denial that the woman lying before me was my Gramma.

Today at 11:14 am it was exactly 21 years from the day i was born. i am almost forcing myself to shine. My friends and family wish me a great day and a great year but i can't help but feel indifferent. I know I'm still very young but when did a birthday change from unbridled excitement and joy to calm reflection and introspection. I feel as if I've crossed that barrier and i can't deny it any longer. I know exactly where the line was; it was between taking inventory of my gifts and taking inventory of my achievements. I wasn't forced to pass through it, there was no ceremony marking the event; i think i just walked into adulthood and didn't even notice.

Greetings YMIB Sistahs,

I wanted to share the wonderful event I experienced today. I participated in the annual MAAFA commemoration that takes place in New Orleans every first Saturday in July. The word Maafa (also known as the African Holocaust or Holocaust of Enslavement) is derived from a Swahili word meaning disaster, terrible occurrence or great tragedy.The term refers to the 500 years of suffering of Africans and the African diaspora, through slavery, imperialism, colonialism, invasion, oppression, dehumanization and exploitation. I had participated in the commemoration several years prior to the hurricane and this was my first after Katrina.

All participants dress in white and meet in Congo Square. Congo Square is the "sacred grounds" in New Orleans adjacent to the French Quarter. During slavery when our ancestors were given one day off on Sundays, they would meet in Congo Square to worship, dance, drum and fellowship in the ways that they had in the Motherland. There's a large and beautiful oak tree that's at least two century years old that still stands with numerous branches where many ceremonies are held.

Today, my daughter and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. We stopped at the park and I had the time of my life. I forgot what it was like to soar through the air on a swing or slide down on the slide. We then walked back home and I pulled out my bike. It's been a long time since I've ridden a bike. Again, I forgot what it was like to feel the wind blow through my hair.

I am so thankful for my little girl who loves being outdoors and always coaxes me out of the house. I appreciate our walks together. Not only is the time good for her, but it's good for me.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

Hey Sistahs,
I posted this on my other blog this morning and thought I would share part of it again here...Have a beautiful and powerful day!

Here are just a few words, thoughts that I wish to honor all of the Mamas in the world with...Every woman is or has been someone's mama. May we make offerings to all those walking Mama Shrines around us...may we lay flowers and pure water at their feet, fill their alms bowls with fresh fruit covered with honey and serve them sweet nectars... while we dance in the moonlight in honor of their life giving power and eternal sacrifice...
SistahGoddess
Artist, Mother and StarMedicineWoman
www.sistahgoddess.blogspot.com

I just finished re-reading Julie Dash's Daughters of the Dust. For those of you who are familiar with the movie, her novel picks the story up and introduces you to the next generation in addition to giving background information about characters from the movie. The book is extremely well written and takes you back to the Sea Islands and what life was like for our ancestors and elders. As a child of some Geechee folks but having never been to the islands (my great grandfather was the last of my folks to live there; he raised his family in Arkansas), revisiting this book was like talking with family that I hadn't seen in a long time. I felt homesick for something I'd never had and probably never will. It was truly bittersweet.

so happy today... my nephew was born today... and wonderful how everything comes together. went right in an the lil homie popped out... sweet... life is great... and this MAN (i can finally say that since he's a man not a fool) I'm interested in was inquiring about me... i found this out today. Good things come to those who wait! never had such a great monday!!!