So my Mother and I were talking today and fell into a disagreement of sorts. That is not unusual for us...we both tend to be very firm and vocal in our beliefs. At any rate the discussion today was about the "rightness" of having a traditional wedding ceremony along with all the accompanying parties and gatherings after "shacking up" for several years. She feels that after "shacking" one should just go to the JP and tie the knot. More over she claims this is the "right" thing to do. Now you must understand that my parents are ministers so of course they would never condone "shacking". Imagine the turmoil we went through roughly 4 years ago when I made the decision to "shack"! Yea it was rough. At any rate, I don't agree with "shacking" and made the decision based on some flawed perceptions, mental inefficiencies and external pressures...at any rate, I shouldn't have done it and suffered through a broken engagement as a result. However, I NEVER felt that I was denied the right to have a traditional wedding ceremony with bells and whistles even if the engagement survived. Well fast forward a couple of years and a relative is doing the same in a day or so and I and a cousin thought it'd be nice to do a little something for the bride because...well every bride deserves a day of some sort, right? Well according to my mother, No. I just firmly disagree with this idea that just because I took a different path that I am no longer entitled to the celebratory customs afforded those who took the "right" path. A union is a celebration and the woman taking those vows should be celebrated no matter how she got there. I do believe my dear mom still thinks that I am condoning "shacking". Well I don't condone or condemn anyone for any decision they make. I do realize that for me it just doesn't work, for the next however (like my relative thats about the wed ) it does. To me the ceremonies and traditions are more about celebrating the union as opposed to one big culmination of a journey. It is a commencement. I guess my biggest issue with her stance is that you cannot tell someone its wrong to do so, simply because you feel that way. If you choose not to do that, so be it, but don't condemn another for choosing a different route. I guess it irritates more than usual because what if this is so deep within her that she chooses not to attend my wedding? I won't begrudge her that. One must hold firm to their beliefs and remove themselves from anything that might endanger them. Maybe I feel she's attacking me. I know thats not the case, but I feel very passionately about this and I really don't know why its such a big deal to me. I'm interested sisters, what's your take on this?