So much has happened this past week! I was happily working at my new job, making art, and preparing for my coming transition in the fall. Everything was feeling very happy and easy. Out of the blue, I got a call from my old boss at the African museum I was supposed to work at but fell through. In a rather frantic tone, he said "do you still want the the job? If you want it it's yours, you are the only person I'm reaching out to. But I need to know now." I told him that I was planning on returning to New York in the fall, and I already had a job close to home. He said the museum only needed someone temporarily, as they might even be shutting down for 6 months since business was so bad. He asked where I was working now. When I told him, he said, "Oh, shit. Those horrible old ladies probably leave the fitting rooms full of garbage, don't they?" I told him no, and that I liked spending my day helping older women. They were patient and appreciative of good service. I found his whole tone rather odd. I told him I would think about the position, because it was offering more money, and it was at a museum after all. He ended the call by saying that soon he would be losing his job and would be out on the street. Then he said, "when you're rich and famous and you pass by me, at least let me bum some cigarette money off you." He told me that if I wanted the job to call his boss and set up an interview. I hung up the phone feeling dazed. It was a good opportunity, and it was in the arts, but was it right for me at this time? I was living at home an hour away, and was no longer prepared to move up north. Codi reminded me that this was what I loved to do, and I should just go for it. "You belong in museums," he said. "Do whatever it takes." He was right about that. So I called and left a message with the boss, but the whole interaction and the timing still didn't sit right with me.

Later that day while I was at work I received a voicemail. It was from a nonprofit I had applied to in New York through the americorps program a few months ago. I had really been inspired by Barack Obama's speeches urging young people to do a year of service. When I received this call, I was caught off guard yet again. I had just started a new job that I liked, and so the issue again was the timing. I had been making really good sales at work, and I wasn't sure I was ready to trade my paycheck for a stipend just yet. But maybe in the fall. So I called and left a message politely declining the offer for an interview.

Then the next day, my doula friend who conducts the women's circles called me and left a message. "Hey, I was calling because I want to get together. I have a feeling you're going to be leaving soon." What?!? I was in disbelief. I didn't understand where this was coming from. I had a brand new job, and was fall not soon enough? I doubted my friend's usually spot-on intuition. And then I got my paycheck. It was so small I nearly cried, and I'm used to small paychecks! Then I looked back over my schedule and checked my hours. I knew I was scheduled less then everyone else, but not by so much. I was working about 40 hours every two weeks. I think I was just so happy to have a job it hadn't really registered. I thought about the two opportunities I had turned down that week, Of the two, the idea of the nonprofit was sitting better with me. I could use the education award offered at the end of that year of service towards grad school, and also do some meaningful work. It would also mean I'd be going to New York with an opportunity already lined up. So I called the np back and told them I'd have a change of plans and would love to do a phone interview. I went to sleep last night praying for a call.

This morning, my day off, my mom came rushing into my room and woke me up. She told me she had a flat tire and needed to drive my car to work. I said ok and went back to sleep, thinking about how I would be doing all my errands for the day on foot. Then the phone woke me up. It was a woman from the nonprofit calling, and we scheduled a phone interview for next week! I was elated. I was also a little scared because it was all happening so fast. I got up and got ready for my walking day. I had an art submission that needed to be mailed, so I was walking a very long distance to the post office.

As I walked, I talked on the phone to Codi. We'd been talking for over a month about my returning to NY and he had been encouraging about it, so I thought nothing of excitedly telling him about the nonprofit interview. Then he said, "baby, let's just get hitched and get a house someplace." He then rattled off a list of places we could live, none of which was New York. I reminded him that we'd had this conversation way back in January when he wanted me to come home. And once I was home, anytime I mentioned marriage or where we could live, he was completely disinterested. I told him that what he was doing was very manipulative. He didn't see why. We argued for awhile, and I was so disappointed and a little disgusted. I told him that when he was ready, a serious proposal would be done in person, not him calling me and saying "let's get hitched." I knew I couldn't leave my life on hold waiting for him to make a real commitment to me, and I wasn't going to let him dangle marriage in my face every time I started to get on with life.
I arrived at an intersection and tossed 3 coins into it as an offering to Eleggua. I asked Eleggua to send Codi to me when he was ready.

As I continued my walk, I got a call from the museum. And I couldn't bring myself to answer it. I couldn't quite figure out this resistance to going back there. Even when I'd first come back to California, I had resistance to contacting them about a job, and only did so after several of my friends urged me to. My manager's boss left a voicemail asking when I could come in for an interview. I didn't want to. What the heck was wrong with me? It was a museum, more money...but I kept getting this feeling, "something isn't right!" I called one of my sisters to ask her advice. I told her about both opportunities and how I felt. "I've had that experience before," she said. "I'll have a bad feeling about something, and I don't have a logical reason why, it's just an intuitive thing. I've also found that when I ignore that feeling and just go ahead and do something anyway, some real negative things have occurred that confirm why I was getting that vibe in the first place." I told her I'd had the same thing happen, which is why I was hesitating. "You've been having this resistance for months, I think maybe it's time for you to let the museum go." As soon as she said that, it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. "You're in a good place right now," she reminded me. "You have a job with a little money coming in, and you're staying at home so you don't have to worry about rent and bills. That makes you more able to make a decision based on what you really want, and it's not clouded by any of that anxiety you were going through earlier." I told her about my desire to pursue the nonprofit position instead, but that I was unsure how friends/family would react. This was my friend who spent over a year at the ashram which everyone told her she was crazy to do, so she knew exactly where I was coming from. "When I entered the ashram, I had one person that supported me out of everyone I knew. Everyone said it was weird." She completed her teaching training there, and is now teaching yoga all over the bay area. Entering the ashram was such a positive step forward for her that lead to so many new opportunities. She reminded me that as long as I was in alignment with my divine self, and honoring positivity and light, I would be fine. She praised my desire to do more meaningful work. She was so supportive of my stepping out on faith and going for something completely new in my life. Talking to her really calmed me down. I no longer felt I was crazy or not ambitious to turn down the museum position. I realized I was simply someone who was ready to make a major change in her life.

After I finished my errands, I was walking a long stretch of road back home and decided to stop at the farm fruit stand. When I crossed the street, there at the intersection was the flattened skin of a snake. The head was gone, as were it's insides, but it the skin was stiff, flat, completely dried out from the sun and still held its shape and color. I knew I was supposed to take it with me. I picked it up, and felt a wave of fear go through me. I could feel this snake's energy had been that of a fighter, and he had not gone quietly. In fact, the skin was curled in an S shape that made it look like it could spring to life at any moment! I brought the skin home, wrapped it in a scarf and placed it at the foot of Eleggua's altar.