Everything happens as it's supposed to, in its own time. The new job did not come through. My boss called to tell me he had tried, there was just no money to bring someone else in. In fact, things were so tight he learned they were eliminating HIS job as well. He apologized and wished me luck. I wasn't sure how to feel. I allowed myself about half an hour of upset time, then I cut it off. Clearly the creator has something else in mind for me.
I'm blessed that I'm able to stay with my mother right now, that I have enough food to eat, and a roof over my head. When I'm not looking for a job, I spend my time writing, painting, doing yoga, and taking long walks. These things have helped me maintain some inner peace, so that these troubled times don't knock me off balance.
Any type of sadness or frustration I have, I pour that energy into my work. I started a big bright new goddess painting that's nearly finished now, and I've been writing articles for my Black Butterfly blog regularly.
Yesterday as I was cleaning up around the house, I started to reorganize a large closet that holds two of my "altar pieces" (large mirrored chests that I paint on, I find them everywhere, on the street, in the garbage, one my mother gave me). There was a huge yellow and gold one for Osun, and another one next to it painted pink and purple, that had never quite come together. I was disappointed, because it really was a beautiful chest. Just then, Sango said he would like it to be in his honor. I looked at the chest again and could see it so clearly, how striking it would look in red and white, with a white toy horse in the shelf at the top...I began to think of all the work I'd done and the ideas I've had since being back home with this expanse of time on my hands. I realized that not once had I felt bored, or felt like I had nothing to do. I was working a lot, with opportunities appearing in the most unlikely places, whether it was taking photos at an art opening, writing an article, or creating new work. There has been no shortage. I realized that although I have no traditional job, work is being sent my way from a divine source, and I'm constantly fueled with inspiration.
I'm looking forward to Sunday, when I will be going to the home of my oldest sisterfriend for her annual women's gathering. Once a year, we gather at her house to pray and talk about what we want to manifest this year. Ironically, I told her I probably wouldn't be able to make it because I'd be working. I'm so happy I'll be able to join in, as I could really use some powerful collective prayer right now.
I know something permanent is lining up for me, I just have to be patient and find solace in the stillness. Codi always reminds me that this is time to work on myself, that I'll be wishing for this moment once I start working again. I try to remember that, and focus on savoring these moments and using them wisely.
I feel like a butterfly in her cocoon right now. And when it's time for me to reemerge, I'll be so proud of all the wonderful things I created and manifested, ready to share them with the world.