Time is flying by and many lovely things are happening, along with some negative things that force me to think harder and love harder. In the past week we've had someone close to us attempt suicide, and I literally told some of my friends to please leave me alone and pretend they never met me. There was so much hurt, confusion, and anger floating around, and Codi and I were drowning in it. I kept trying to breathe, sing, paint, anything I could to shift my energy, but nothing was working. Codi tried to throw himself into his freelance jobs, but found himself sad and exhausted. Both of us had just had it.
Then one day, walking through San Francisco trying to cheer each other up, I said, "what we need is some of Osun's sweetness! I told him of painful moments when she had lifted me up, or I'd seen her lift the spirits of somebody else. I knew it was what we needed. When we came home that evening, that upset energy was still swirling around. Codi was drowning his sorrows in a beer with a friend, and I was sitting in his room furiously painting a happy yellow watercolor and listening to Minnie Riperton, still sad and angry. At one point Codi came in the room and we just held each other. Then I checked my twitter, and a young woman with Osun in her screen name had posted several comments: "Someone here is in pain, I can feel it. Please let go, pray, and give it to the Creator to take care of. I'm praying for you." Reading that brought tears to my eyes. I knew we would have to pray our way out of this fog. I asked Codi to come to San Jose with me for a couple of days, to get away from the fog and into the sunshine and clear our heads.
Later that night I was watching Iconoclasts on the Sundance Channel, and it was Maya Angelou in conversation with Dave Chapelle. I just sat quietly and let Maya's words wash over me, she has so much wisdom. She spoke about being in alignment with one's true purpose, and never losing sight of it no matter what happens, or what others say. She said, "your ancestors were chained in the belly of a ship, sleeping in vomit, feces, and menstrual blood just so you could be here."
She was right. My ancestors went through so much, and survived so that one day we might have a better life, and they watch over me now. That told me it was time to be brave. Then she took Dave through her collection of African American art. There was my purpose, staring me right there in the face. After watching that, I felt strengthened. I remembered that I was part of a big, wonderful group of people: artists and writers who were sent here to reflect, change, and heal. I thought of Zora Neale Hurston, Kara Walker, Betye Saar, and countless others who have helped enrich the culture. That's where my focus needed to be.
The next day we drove down to my mom's house. We cooked and ate a lovely meal, and my mom bought lots of fresh fruit. Afterwards, we headed to a nearby park to enjoy the late afternoon sunshine, and make an offering to Osun. Codi has never been around when I make my offerings, and it was nice to have him there. We found a spot off the walking trail that was shaded by trees with a small waterfall nearby...perfect. We prayed together, and honey was part of the offering. I couldn't help but notice how it sparkled as I poured it into the rushing water. Then we walked the trail and discussed our understanding of the nature of Osun, Ellegua, and Aganju.
Since that day it really feels like the sadness and anger has been lifted. We are smiling again, and back on track with our purpose. He's taking on extra freelance jobs to save money and eventually join me in New York, and I'm preparing for the transition in July. I have been offered a space, now I'm just working to make sure my money is in alignment (been praying a lot on that one). My mother has been kind enough to help me with that, and in return, I'm helping her with some repairs around the house.
It feels as though a terrible storm has just passed, and we are both coming out of it a lot wiser. We are focused on love, spirit, our work, and the bright future ahead.