My parents provided me with the time and space to reflect and get my life back on rails. Both of my yuth are in Suriname and I will be alone to think over /sort out /let go all the things that have been causing stress or been draining me financially, emotionally or both. My babies will be back on the 28th of July and I pray that Jehova will guide me in accomplishing all, in order to be the mother my yuth deserve, a Goddess, Empress, true Lioness.

To do:
-Confront my ex.
He needs to make a official choice to whether or not he is planning to take an active role in raising his sons. He also needs to step up to the plate financially, I invested in this man and was the strong force (and financier) behind him finishing his education, getting a good job and making promotion. His belongings are still in my care (I had them stored in a city box) he needs to come and pick those up as well.

- Body Temple
I have lost a considerable amount of weight and even though I am happy with that I now need to work on getting my skin/body firm and fit. I started 2 weeks ago with eating strictly Ital meaning that I don't indulge in the occasional croissant or MC Donald's fries anymore other than those lil vices I haven't eaten animal byproducts/meat/fish for over 6 months. I haven't found peace in Self to go back to doing Yoga 2x a day as soon as I return from babysitting my nephew on the first of July I will start. Getting up at six and going to bed before 10 is also something that I want to aim for. In the last weeks of the school year it had almost become a habit that my eldest would wake me up after he had fixed himself breakfast to tell me he would soon leave the house! I need to reawaken the awareness that it is essential for a mother to connect with her yuth before they leave the home in morning to a society with endless temptations.

-Changes in the home
Make our home more functional for new fase we are entering. My eldest son is starting with the Atheneum coming school year and my youngest will start going to kindergarten. Their bedrooms need to be arranged in a more practical way more bookshelf's will be needed and my eldest will need space to entertain his friends.

-Love?
A few months ago I met a man and his mere presence humbled me. However educated, loving, caring, over standing, patient this man is he has a horrible horrible jealousy, he takes jealousy to a whole new level! To top that off he is part of the refugee community in our village and at times these people remind me of crabs in a barrel. As soon as one of the crabs even looks like he will make it out of the barrel another one pulls them back in order to make sure he stays in misery right there with them. It breaks my heart to even have to say that because I overstand the hardships these people went through and the horrors they have been through so even though I overstand this is part of the trauma at the same time I cannot move in that circle without loosing my own sanity. The fact that I am not looking to jump into a new fully committed relationship makes him and his community nervous and angry. According to him/them the reason I do not want to marry him is because I am waiting for my husband to return. When I try to explain that I am not ready and if and when I get married it will need to be for the right reasons and lasting. Which makes them question my sincerity for him even more. -Sigh!!- I guess it's clear now why that is on my to do list I either need to learn accept it or leave it all alone!!

As I am typing I am getting the clear vibes to let it be and let it go. Guess that makes one to scratch off the list.

Sistren this is the season for change, to find the strength to make changes that were due long time. I pray that truth may come to light and that we find clarity of mind in order to start and finish the next school year in complete balance.

Blessings,
Chayil