Because in the end it will just be me, myself, and I, so I choose to make Me & Myself happy first! -Seshat Mery Tut
I would like to dedicate this post to any and everyone who has ever felt like they have ever been placed within a box by their own race and outside of their race and expected to conform to stereotypes, cultural boundaries, and standard interests.
You know, I am the type of person that carries an interest in so many different types of styles and cultures that at sometimes, some may ridicule or define that fact as being contradictive. So, I thought I would write about something that I have personally gone through since I was a little girl and although it has ended I still feel some of it's remnants every now and then especially when I go down memory lane. This whole idea about what being “black” means and what you are supposed to like and dislike really bothers me to the 10th degree and beyond. I grew up around other Nubian girls who teased me on a daily basis about “talking white”, and I was called all sorts of names that they felt I deserved like wannabe & oreo (and my long hair which was of course permed did not make the situation any better) From elementary to about the 7th grade, most of my friends were white. Yes, I did speak “properly” but in my mind it had nothing to do with white or black, but rather just how I was taught in school. I was teased because of the types of music that I like which ranges to this day from country, to hip-hop-to folk to some rock and classical & yes I will watch riverdance and listen to Yanni if I am in that kind of mood. I love African art and I also love Victorian design, I study up on holistics, but you can give me a piece of chocolate cake anytime and I will enjoy it down to the last crumble. I cherish adinkra symbols and heart polka dots and florals. I love natural bohemian clothing but I think runway couture is a definite art. Do you get where I am going here?
Take for instance these songs entitled “Me Myself & I”...they are all represented and performed differently, but I love all three.
So I just wanted to basically jot a note and say that you know...I nor should you if you have ever gone through this ever apologize nor change who you are and who you strive to be just to fit in a box that is labeled with stereotypes and being delivered to racial expectations. I like what I like and thats just me myself and I and me, myself, and I are quite happy about it! LOL.
Have any of you ladies ever felt like you are expected to like something or dislike something simply because of you racial background or have you ever been shunned by your own because you did not fit into a box?
Im late but I hope you get a chance to read my reply
First lemme say this was really well written, And that this is a sister here who does not mind talking right! lol seen. But I do wanna apologize for the pain my sisters reflected on to you. I hope that those scars have disapeered.My take is that many of us fight for knowledge and when we cant get it our illusions become internalized in its place. I dont know if that makes sense but thats how I feel when I witness it. You made those girls feel foreign unto themselves because you know the universe was expanded more in you I, Ive gone through it and Im also struggling when I know I know I know, theres no need to be. But I do.
So I thank you for overcomming and finding you yourself and you for finding INI YMIB, so that theres a place where we have each other!
Became Become Becomming is expressive of RasTafarI that Became for INI To Become the freedom that is most Becomming of US.
Unpredictably BLACK!
I REALLY FEEL YOU ERICKA!!
Some people act impressed and alienated by the way I speak and express myself. They give me this look when I speak, like " Oh, your not from here are you" or " Where she from". (The truly narrow-minded just say " Oh your from Africa right"? Like different must be native African 'cause all the rest of us Black folk are all the same!
For them it seems like there is a "class" distinction between BLACK PEOPLE. I must be "educated" or have money. Like being articulate and well spoken is not Black. I grew up in East Flatbush, Brooklyn with Caribbean and Southern black people. I've spoken like this since I was a little girl, this is not about education or upbringing this is just who I AM, not just my environment.Sometimes I say "Yall" and sometimes I say "InI". It's all the same to me.I could have been like this if I were born in Little Rock, Arkansas! That's why so many people leave small towns and small minds behind.
My parents are from Haiti and were learning English as I was growing up so English is my first language minus English speaking role models at home. I have no particular regional accent and my slang is from all over. I could be from anywhere. Conventional, stereotypical minded black people can't seem to handle black people who don't fit their mold. I love the music of Sting and Phil Collins but I Love KRS One and Lauryn Hill even more! We don't have to be predictably Black, isn't that the way racist white people think???
It's stupid and sad when black people, Afrikan people try to define/confine blackness for other Black people. Thank God that no matter how much flack we got or get, some of us just refuse to change, hide or suppress WHO WE REALLY ARE!
THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS SUBJECT TO LIGHT!
One,
Marjorie
Yes Lioness...For The Lioness You Know, For The Empress You Love, For The Goddess You Are!
freedom of choice!
i dealt with this self-limiting mentality from many of my black peers in middle school, high school & college. i unfortunately let these frustrating experiences lead me into doubting my own experience as a legitimately black one! craziness!
it took me a while to see what was really going on & just not care about what others thought i was supposed to be. ahhh, it was a relief! yes, i'm only doing this for myself. i must ALWAYS be true for myself. i also choose to not harbor any bitterness towards those who misunderstand me, it is still frustrating, but i'd rather not spend unhealthy energy on it.
i always thought i had way too many interests because i'm a gemini :) my hands & fingers & toes are into everything. there are times when my contradictions confuse me, y'know when i'm trying to be all logical. but in the end, i settle on a more trusty logic that i don't need to worry about what is "right", just be whatever i naturally am with whatever countless & clashing interests & beliefs that i hold onto...hehehe, i have a 1,001 arms, seriously, you just can't see them :)
there's a great quote in the film Afro Punk where this dude states that black folk are not one monotonous entity (paraphrasing). we are human beings granted our own personal experiences like any other walking around on this planet. so it shouldn't be a big surprise that bjork is one of my fave artists & i like to play the ukulele...hahaha!
in the words of DEVO, "freedom of choice! it's what you got!"...use it up!
this post obviously means a lot to me, thanks for sharing this Soulliving.
*
every morning is a seed.
what shall we nourish it with?
how shall we cultivate it?
& how do we give thanks for it?
freedom of choice!
i dealt with this self-limiting mentality from many of my black peers in middle school, high school & college. i unfortunately let these frustrating experiences lead me into doubting my own experience as a legitimately black one! craziness!
it took me a while to see what was really going on & just not care about what others thought i was supposed to be. ahhh, it was a relief! yes, i'm only doing this for myself. i must ALWAYS be true for myself. i also choose to not harbor any bitterness towards those who misunderstand me, it is still frustrating, but i'd rather not spend unhealthy energy on it.
i always thought i had way too many interests because i'm a gemini :) my hands & fingers & toes are into everything. there are times when my contradictions confuse me, y'know when i'm trying to be all logical. but in the end, i settle on a more trusty logic that i don't need to worry about what is "right", just be whatever i naturally am with whatever countless & clashing interests & beliefs that i hold onto...hehehe, i have a 1,001 arms, seriously, you just can't see them :)
there's a great quote in the film Afro Punk where this dude states that black folk are not one monotonous entity (paraphrasing). we are human beings granted our own personal experiences like any other walking around on this planet. so it shouldn't be a big surprise that bjork is one of my fave artists & i like to play the ukulele...hahaha!
in the words of DEVO, "freedom of choice! it's what you got!"...use it up!
this post obviously means a lot to me, thanks for sharing this Soulliving.
*
every morning is a seed.
what shall we nourish it with?
how shall we cultivate it?
& how do we give thanks for it?
Beautiful Sis!
You are a beautiful soul that enjoys all that our creator has provided that has nothing with being a traitor and everything to do with living your life as a tribute to The Most High. Your scrname fits you perfectly!
I am of mixed race and culture (afrikan, indian, native indian, javanese and portugese descendant) and I have learned from a very young age that being me means learning to dance to different beats and making them all my own. I am probably in the eyes of most a walking contradiction LOL I celebrate Diwali, wrap myself in the winti culture and celebrate chinese new year and spoil the children around me with little velvet red coinbags filled with shiny coins. Did I mention that I go and watch Djarang Kepang and feel right at home (never enought to fall in trance tho' LOL)
I love being black, I love and enjoy my afrikan heritage but there are times that the indian in me "takes over" and I crave only indian spices, wear a sari and watch bollywood movies (I think you must have some indian dna to enjoy those BLUSH LOL)
I have heard a lot of african-american ladies say DO YOU (meaning be the best that you can be) and that is my advice to all of my beautiful sisters DO YOU and refuse to be put in a stereotypical mould!
Blessings,
Chayil
http://chayil-sacred-woman.blogspot.com/
This is often on my mind................
Sister, how could you have known that I was thinking about this? LOL! As a sister that many times has been called "traitor to the race", I can say that this subject is very near and dear to my heart; especially now that I have my fifteen and sixteen year old daughters, going through the same crap I went through as a kid. Your words are almost identical to my own. I often tell myself that there is way too much black on black hatin' going on. I have long ago learned how to stand up for myself when it came to all that poison that uneducated, hateful folk like to put out. And my children see the truth for what it is, and grow strong every day. Many folks in our race like to throw words around such as: walking tall, being proud, embracing your culture, taking a stand, solidarity, standing toguether as black people, equality, rights and on, and on, and on. However, they attach all sorts of conditions to those words. It is all so backwards. Our people like to talk about racism, and hate, and all the problems that it has caused us. Yet a lot of our people are guilty of the same closed minded, backwoods attitudes, that they complain about so much. In a country in which we are suppossed to be pursuing happiness and try to achieve the American Dream, whatever that means to each individual, I shoud not have to worry about being called a "traitor to the race" for looking or acting a certain way, or the way I dress, or the music I listen to, or the people I hang out with, or because my hair looks a certain way. It really pushes my buttons, and tries my patience to be persecuted by a brother os sister of color. The same person that complains about "the system" and about being discriminated against because the color of their skin and for their cultural differences. How is what they are doing and saying to me NOT persecution and discrimination???? I should not have to worry about my children being called Zebra babies, or being told that I am "not really black" because I was born and raised in the country of Panama or because my nose and lips aren't wide and full. How are those comments NOT persecution and discrimination? I should not have to worry about being told that "I would not understand, the pain that slavery has caused our people" And what it's like to be persecuted and oppressed. When I will tell you that in Panama, slavery was alive and well. Slaves were bought and sold and shipped in from Africa and through the caribean into Panama just like they were into the US. And I will add that opportunities for people of color in Panama are nowhere near where they are in the US. And you know that the average person that I tell that to, doesn't even know that? The reply that I ussually get is "Word?". For crying out loud!!! I have often told these closed minded, hateful folk that if they are going to persecute me about a certain subject, that they should at least educate themselves about it first. These people like to talk about hate, and really know nothing about what REAL hate is like, let me take one or two of them on a walk through downtown Baghdad any day........................I have not had any takers, by the way.
I don't mean to go on, but this subject really gets me in the mood for talking. I got tired a long time ago of basically being told: "You are not one of us." because I did not fit a particular mold, or look, or sound. Bottom line is, I should not have to justify myself to my own people and I make no apologies either for being me, not in this country, not on this day, not in this life!!! We are living the future that our ancestors envisioned--it's not perfect, but it's a good one.
"Not all those who wander are lost."
Tolkien
I Feel You...
I have never fit into a mold and I hope I never do LOL! Seriously, I'm at the point in my life that I am who I am and that's it. I also grew up "talking white" and I had long hair as well. Add to that the fact that I'm a rather thin sister with no hips who can't dance didn't really help my case. I was always the kid who preferred to read and listen to music than to hang out (by the way, my mother LOVED that! She always knew where I was!). I'm the woman who studies African religion alongside witchcraft, Buddhism along with shamanism. I like soy ice cream with potato chips (don't knock it until you try it).
I believe that life is about accepting all the different aspects of ourselves and uniting them to create a whole person. We are who we are and we have been shaped by ancestry, upbringing, experiences and just stuff that we like. This is who we be.