Spring is coming around the corner, and I'm so ready to let go of old hurts and habits, and embrace the new. These past two months have been a struggle for me. I was filling out applications to the point where it felt like OCD, and didn't land a single interview (actually, I did have one for a temp. admin. job, but they called back the day before to say I was entry level, and they were looking for someone with mid to high level experience. Dang.) It was rough. On top of that, my mother and I began to argue because she could not understand why I couldn't find a job. I was at my wit's end. Codi kept reminding me that it's a recession, everyone is out of work, and employers are hesitating to hire anyone. I knew he was right, but that still didn't improve my circumstances. I just felt hopeless.
The one piece of clarity that came in the midst of all this bad news was to employ myself, doing what I love. I decided that I would surround myself with all things art so that I wouldn't feel so bad anymore. I also figured that if I was doing something positive, more positivity would be drawn to me. So I got to work. When I wasn't painting, I was sewing. I spent my time reading books about artists I admired, and writing down questions they asked of themselves and posing them towards my own creative process. I did research and posted new articles to Black Butterfly. I applied for a volunteer position at a museum for an upcoming exhibit. Even though I was still out of work, I began to feel better. at the end of the day, I had one saving grace: creativity.
As all this was going on, ymib sister Marilyn Fontaine offered to create a manifestation ritual for me to perform. Of course I said yes, and I told her I wanted to manifest a job and an apartment. She responded with a ritual that involved dressing a green candle (for prosperity) with mint, and lighting it while focusing my intentions on my ideal job and apartment. I was also to create a dreamboard representing those same ideals, and make an offering to Osun. One of the best things Marilyn told me was that although she knew I was just looking for any type of job that would pay the bills, it was still a good idea to focus my intentions on what type of position and atmosphere suited me best, what kind of job I actually wanted to do. At first I had a little mental resistance, thinking, "it's a recession! It's not about what I want right now. Everybody's just trying to survive." Still I went ahead and did as she said. I focused my intentions on working in a creative atmosphere, a place where I could help bring people together, and have a healthy exchange of ideas. I was happy to have focused my energy there, but was unsure how things would turn out.
About a week before I left for New York, I bumped into my old boss from a museum I worked at in San Francisco. "Do you want your old job back?" He'd asked me. I laughed and told him I was bound for New York. He told me to let him know if I changed my mind, and wished me luck, telling me to use him as a reference if I needed to. "You were fabulous," he said with a flourish.
In the weeks after I returned home, I sent him a letter with an updated resume stating that if the offer was still open, I would love to return. He called and told me he'd love to have me come back, but business was so bad at the museum, they weren't sure if they were going to hire anyone else. He said he would know in a few weeks and call me back if it was possible. Weeks dragged on, and nothing. I kept feverishly filling out applications, and trying to keep my spirits afloat. One sunny day as I was filling out an application for a pet store and trying to stay upbeat by reminding myself how much I love animals, the phone rang. It was my old boss, offering me the position. He told me he still had to run it by his superiors, but it shouldn't be a problem, because someone else was leaving. I'm to return in early March.
I was over the moon. This was exactly the type of position I had set my intentions on! It's a museum geared towards people of the African diaspora, and I'll be working in the store there. The store is wonderful because it sells jewelry, art, all kinds of things from around the world, as well as art and books by African American artists. It's a small, fairly new museum with a small staff, so everyone knows each other. I had some amazing experiences when I worked there. I got to meet a lot of Black artists and writers when we had art receptions and events. I remember one time we had a young author come in for a reading, and our boss let myself and my coworker leave early to have dinner with him and his friends.
When I left the museum early in 2007, my focus was different. I was just graduating college, and I just wanted to be free for awhile. There were also problems within this very new museum and many people were unhappy with it (it has always had an extremely high turnover rate of employees, and has lost some very talented people). But as I made my way in the world, and worked for other arts institutions, I realized 2 things: 1) There is no "perfect" museum 2) Museums go through a LOT of changes. I learned a lot about museums I now adored, that, when they started out, were labeled "a mess". They move to different buildings, change directors, curators, all kinds of things. So rather than looking around for a place that is already "perfect", I'm now focused on learning and taking on responsibilities so I can help make a positive impact on this museum, where good help is needed. I'm excited for the challenge, and heaven knows I needed the job!
So change has begun, and I'm preparing myself for a new and excited chapter doing even more of what I love.