Peace to all! I haven't logged into YMIB in a long time. So much has went on since then.
So, here we go: Last year I learned that I have Fatty Liver Disease. Conventional medicine says that the only cure for this is exercise. Thus, I started exercising like crazy, went to a 1200 calorie diet, yada yada, lost 28lbs in 8 weeks. Since then I have/had lost a total of 71.5 pounds, but 30 of that is back. I have not been exercising at home or gym.
My appearance has warped. I am a single parent and have not been to the salon in 8 months and have decided to go natural partially because of this. During my bout of PPD, I cut a lot of my hair because it was matted. I have shoulder length hair on the outer circle of my head, but 2 inch hair in the majority of the middle. Its all so uneven and Ive been somewhat embarrassed to go to the salon. Also childcare issues, etc.
I seep in and out of depression because of this. How do I find myself in all of this? I am constantly seeking advice on how to get self back, and separate being a mother/wife/and my own being. My child is 9 months. Things are a lot better than they were. I've slowly started painting again, journaling, minor decorating... etc. I would just like suggestions, encouragement from those with experience. This is all new to me, and I'm tired of hearing "tough it out, people do it everyday". I'm almost 30 and this is my first, so I have to learn, but I'd like to do it in a smart way.
the journey of a thousand miles....
I think I would be depressed just on the hair thing!! Are you trying to do yourself in? Did you chop off your hair (go natural) just to avoid paying for the salon?
Let me tell you this story .
I didn't have any money, and I went with my sister to the nail salon, and I was just going to sit and watch her get her nails done. She refused- she paid for me to have mine done as well. In the end, I looked at my hands. I had no idea that I would enjoy them so much!!! They made such a big difference to me!!!
Back to you
There are two kinds of energy in the universe- kinetic and potential.
Kinetic energy is the energy of motion, Potential is the energy of possibility.
When you was working out like crazy, you were exerting you kinetic energy.
When you lay in bed depressed, you were exerting your potential energy. We all do it all the time. But when you do one more often than the other, you tend to do it more often ( in other words, when your body is in MOTION, you tend to stay in motion. When your body is at REST, you tend to stay at rest.
When you decided that you were thankful that your problem was simply a matter of physical fitness, you were kinetic (in motion). When you decided to sit down and put your health last, you got potential. Why did you stop working out? Is your husband jealous of all the new attention you have been getting? Are you surprised that you are capable of achieving your goals?
The good news is that life is a like a pyramid. There is always another step to climb. Get Kinetic!!!
And you hair.....I cut off my processed hair last year again. My hair is growing back, I am happy about that- so rich and soft and what I wanted. By no means, however is it easy to maintain. i used to spend $70. for that lady to process my hair. Now, I spend just about the same in products and wraps and ( I even bought a wig) and spend an incredible amount of time with my hair. Your hair is for you. Your shoes are for you. Your bra and panties are for you. What you do for leisure is for you. Buying new perfume ( or the same old one over and over) is for you. Working out is for you. Eating fruits and vegetables......(*you get the point)
Lingerie is for him. Being there when he calls is for him. Having a safe, stable home is for the baby. (again, you get the point)
Please take better care of yourself! You will see that the more kinetic you get, the easier it will be to get there......good luck, my love!!!
You are not alone....
I, too, went through a terrible season of depression after my divorce, losing everything and going into crazy debt almost a year ago. I am a Holistic wellness counselor, massage therapist and a self published author. I have written about a journey similiar to the one you're going through now. Writing has been my healing mechanism. Truth is, the healing is progressive...however, I have learned how to be intentional (making aggressive adjustments) about my sanity and my peace of mind in finding balance. Trust, you are not alone!....Though this is your journey, tailor made for you...there are countless women that have traveled this path before you. There is strength in numbers. Find an accountability partner. Someone who isn't biased and has your best interest at heart. Someone who is compassionate and will love you all the way back to your place of peace and balance.
Secondly, I would say to you, be attentive to your surroundings and patterns you have developed in your moments of depression. I would notice that certain rooms in my house or music I was/wasn't listening to would alter my moods...my negative thought patterns....and I made it a point to make myself available for people to have access to me and reach out and help me if I needed them to!...and you, love, are doing just that by posting this blog!....I have an affirmation in my blog. I encourage you to read it and formulate you own affirmation to provoke you to find joy in the little things everyday...one moment at a time! If for no other reason....that 9mo. old jewel is your inspiration to make something happen everyday....set daily goals, focus on one task at a time....and Most importantly, Pray!....start a prayer journal or Blog and trust me....you will once again find your place.
Pull out those passions girl!, paint! take meditation walks...yoga...get a massage(it definitely helps with depression!)....
I love you because I can!.....Peace&Blessings to you.
The ButtaFly Movement
http://thebuttaflymovement.ning.com