badly...
i hadn't had a chance til today to truly get up off in that ole ask yeye
that ish makes me wanna hunt somebody down and conceive immediately!
truthfully...when i imagine my most free self
sometimes i get glimpses of marrying when i'm GREAT with child
with my belly out...
because that is the ancient goddessy way to get down
celebrate a fertile union...
in any case...what i want most
is to feel like i'm doin it all on my own terms
i want my OWN house in MY name
and my altima
and a steady income from doin something that i love
i'm ready to do like cocoyam from the odu
and settle down in the mud and bear children
i'm also aware that tho i want to have these things before i concieve
it might just be conception that pushes me to do what i need to do to achieve these things...
i had an astrologer read me once...impromptu like on the front steps of this metaphysical shop...just cause i stopped and said hi to him...and asked him how he got into the business of bein an astrologer...
he told me that having a baby will be really really good for me...he said that it would be a stabilizing force for me and that it will complete my selfhood in a way that nothing else can...making me very grounded in a new way.
i did a ritual 2 years ago celebrating the fact that i'm ready to be a mother...i am READY ready, y'all...the mr. and i have been discussing it...more indepth than we ever have...
and truthfully...i've wanted to have a baby ever since i was 19...i been hittin the snooze on my biological clock for about 11...almost 12 years now...i need for it to be my turn
and i'm scared shitless...i reckon that's cause i got good sense tho huh?
the one time i thought that i mighta been, tho...i felt SOOOOOOOOOOO peaceful...so i guess pregnancy scare would be the wrong term for it...pregnancy peace maybe?
ion't know...
it has been suggested to me that i need to work on my creative things and sublimate the urge into whateva...my response has been that i have sublimated this urge for the last 11 years...i'm tired of squeezin it into other things...
really really tired
but this move though?...i feel like it's taking me in the direction of my babies...
i'm just feelin a bit impatient today...
mmmhmmmmmmm
go on ahead.
cuz i'm waiting until i feel JUST how you're tryna feel before i make my own babies. :D
Sounds like the mommy bug
Sounds like the mommy bug has really bitten you. = ) That feeling is only going to get stronger as time goes on, believe me. I just had my son last year, 9 months ago, and it is the most amazing experience EVER! I hope that you will soon be blessed with a baby who will be all that you wish for and much more.
I will say, if this is something that you really want, do not let money, not owning a home or anything else to be a barrier to it. Believe me, I can tell you from experience, all your child needs from you is love, and your time. That baby wont care whether or not your house or car is paid for in full, and if you cant buy them all the "best" toys, just that you love and take care of them and treasure them as the gems that they are. I wish you the best sis!
Thank You, Sis!
I appreciate your words!
some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living ... Audre Lorde
Maferefun Osun!
Babies
I got pregnant in my early adulthood (19) and I would change nothing. I often said that if I didn't have my daughter I'd be one lazy loafer. While the circumstances of her father and I were not ideal I would never want to forget the awesomeness of holding a child in your womb.
As the sister Chayil said don't place these THINGS as somthing you need to have before you have child because often you realize that these things aren;t really that important.
One thing I would change is finding that person to share the rearing of a child with. This is the one thing that would've made my situation ideal.
But sis I hope you are blessed with knowing the feeling of carrying a child. Its truly something you have to sit back and take in.
*smiling*
thank you sisten!
some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living ... Audre Lorde
Maferefun Osun!
I pray that you will be
I pray that you will be blessed with child soon. Don't focus to much on goals before conceiving a child life does not end when pregnant ;-) I had my first son when I was 20 still studying and pennyless. I feel that being a mom gave me a lead in life when it came to a lot of things. I saw every exam I took, every new skill I learned as a step closer to being able to provide for my baby. When in a relationship do not focus on the I's and Mine's focus on the Us and Our's instead it is one thing to want to raise a child in a house you and your S.O. own but to feel the need to have the house in your own name seems to be taking away all the focus from the family you are so eager to start IMHO
Blessings may all your hopes and dreams for the future come true,
Chayil
http://chayil-sacred-woman.blogspot.com/
thank you, sis...
for all of your words.
i am learning this relationship stuff....bit by bit
some days it's a bit much
all that ole becoming one and togetherness and whatnot
and we won't even talk about that "forever" thing
and truthfully i'm fully okay with how i feel about it all
i'm not striving for anything in particular
except for feeling loved and juicy and delicious and safe every single day...
i'm gettin there
and the wanting the house to be in my name...
comes from havin the rug pulled out from under me far too many times...
i just want the situation to be such that no matter what anybody else decides to do in this case it would be "him" whoeva "him" is...
i can keep my house
and i know that this is mostly because this ain't just any house
this is the house that i have created in my deepest longing
the house that i have envisioned raising my family in...
i FOUND it!
it actually EXISTS!
down to the color
and the kitchen size
and the way the bathrooms are set up...
so yeah...THAT house?
i want that in MY name...
perhaps that speaks alot to my level of security in relationship to men...
but when i've pictured my ideal life
i see my houses
i see my babies
i see the kind of community that i want to have
i see the work that i want to do
i have not ever seen a man...
i mean they're around or "he" is around or whateva...
but IN the picture in the picture...no.
*shrug*
i don't think that i've ever articulated it all like that before
perhaps it boils down to me not wanting the survival of my dreams
to hinge on somebody else's thoughts or feelings
some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living ... Audre Lorde
Maferefun Osun!
oops! posted twice!
some women wait for themselves around the next corner and call the empty spot peace but the opposite of living is only not living ... Audre Lorde
Maferefun Osun!