I had a horrible year (2007) and it has rolled over into 2008. I'm a college educated black woman who has no job, no place to stay (of my own), and no car. Last May I lost my job and had to move home with my family (which is horrible in itself). I've been trying hard to find a job and in Nov of 2007 I found and was hired for a job that was four hours away from where I had a place to stay. However in that city I had a best friend who said I could stay with her until i was able to get aa place for myself. The year was starting to look up then......i came back "home" and told my mother and family that I got the job and ould finally be able to leave and pay bills. ( When you have a job you dread paying bills but when you've been out of work for 7 months paying bills means that you are back on your feet) I was totally excited to find a job. However my mother wasn't she wanted to know where I was going to stay and how I was going to get to work and back everyday. So I told her that i had made arrangements to stay with my BF and she became livid. "Friend may tell you it's okay but it's going to take you at least 6 months to get your self a place and they won't want you around for that long, plus don't she stay with her mother." My mother stated. Damn.....I started to second guess everything but I mentaly weight my options and staying with the mu BF and taking the job was the best way for me. So i began " First Her mother stays with her not the other way around she pays all the bills her mother just lives there. Secondly I've already planned out how long I will be staying there and it will not take 6 monthes only 6 weeks. And She has never let me down not even once so I know I can depended on her for her help. And I've already talked with her mother who said it was fine if i stayed if i don't mind sleeping on the couch." Now she had to think fast on her come back, "So where is your soon to be husband going to stay?" "Right where he is now." I came back with. " This is about me doing better for myself not anyone else." So this ended for a full month....is what I thought it turns out that she had been calling my BF's mother trying to get her to say I couldn't stay with them. I found out from my BF's mother that my mother had called and said that I was this huge liar who probably didn't even get the job, and that it was a bad idea to trust anything I said. I couldn't believe that my mother would do something like this and my BF's mother went on to say that we were suppose to have come up there so that that they could meet. (Me and my BF meet during my freshmen year at college) I was going to confront my mother on her behavior but I changed my mind and left it alone because in 3 weeks I was going to be moving on with my life. So 2 weeks passed and not a word about my moving had come up. I had started to pack when my mother tried again to stop me. It turns out that she had still been calling my BF's mother everyday and was really starting to bother her. So I made the hard decision of my life. I decided not to take the job and stay on in my family's house so that the phone calls would stop. There's not a day that goes but that I don't wish I would have have taken the job, but I didn't so I have to live with my decison. Now it's 2008 and I still don't have a job, a place of my own or a car.
Inspirational Blogs
| Arts & Crafts (119) | Baby & Pregnancy (9) |
| Beverages (7) | Books & Magazines (13) |
| Business (12) | Celebrities (2) |
| Cooking (13) | Culture & Politics (51) |
| Decor & Design (12) | Desserts (2) |
| Entertaining & Dining (0) | Everyday Living (83) |
| Family (17) | Fashion & Designers (25) |
| Hair (19) | Health & Holistics (60) |
| Homeschooling (11) | Inspiration (154) |
| Kids (8) | Makeup & Beauty (27) |
| Motherhood (12) | Music (21) |
| Parenting (10) | Poetry (41) |
| Raw / Live Food (10) | Relationships (36) |
| Seafood (3) | Shopping & Boutiques (7) |
| Travel (4) | TV & Movies (4) |
| Vegan (10) | Vegetarian (11) |
| Weddings (2) |
« advertisement »
« advertisement »
« Ads By Google »
When will it ever end?
Peace and Blessings
Beloved.
I am a mother with 3 daughters. All of which by today's standards would be called adults. May I make a suggestion? Apologize to your mother! Yes, you heard me right, apologize to your mother then ask your higher power for forgiveness.
Since you are college educated, I am quite sure you read the papers. We (Black Folks) are losing our daughters to crime, violence, in record numbers. While you may think everything is fine at your friends home, what do you really know about this friend and of the family of this friend that your are ready to leave the state where you live and have family who will look out for your best interest to be with people whom you think are safe.
What happens if you and this friend have a disagreement? What if you and her mother have a disagreement? What kind of additional family and or friends will visit or stay in the house? What type of people are they and will their visits keep you up all night?
Where will you keep your personal papers, belongings, etc? No, your mother is right!
Yes, parents are protective of our children. We are supposed to be and besides, your soon to be mother in law should have understood your mother's concerns! Parents do not cease to be parents when the children become adults. It is a cradle to the grave thing! No, most of us do not want to run or ruin our children's lives. We just do not want to see you make some of the same avoidable mistakes that we made!
Yes, you have to go out into that world and make it on your own two feet.
However, always remember that there are some mistakes that you may never get the opportunity for a second chance, esp for Black folks!
Once upon a time....... Young women did not leave there parents homes until they were married.....We were better women, wives, mothers,families,etc. for that extra time that we were given and when we left our parents home, we moved into homes that we owned (lien free) , cars bought and paid for and practically debt free!
We were spiritually grounded, economically grounded etc. That was our way! We took care of our elderly, and our children were not failing in school, in foster care, prison etc.
My beloved sister, do not allow your vision to be clouded by the Europeans way of life. This was not our way...!
Humbly submitted
SistahsoldierSistahvet85
A rose by any other name is still a rose and Military Sexual Trauma(MST) is still RAPE!
Please read carefully
I thank you for your words. I however do not feel an apology is need to be made to my mother. I love all mothers including mine and do not mean any disrespect to anyone but for me to apology for living a life that I have been given doesn't sound right. I understand that your older as is my mother and I understand that you nor my mother want me to make the same mistakes that you have, I do very much understand, but to say that it is okay for you or anyone else, to say you know what's best for me is not true. You, however, will be able to pass on the struggle of what you faced in this world, in hopes that it may help me in my journey. Now I know I don't know what I'm doing and that is very clear by some of my choices I've made, but as long as God gives me breath I'm going to follow Him Not(Wo)Man. (Wo)Man will have you doing some of the most trival things in the name of knowing whats better for you. Now I do agree with your statements on why children are having it as bad as they do. But my life is just that my life when we die,we have to stand and answer for ourselves. No one should have to stand up with someone because they made the decisions for someone else and lead two people down the wrong path. I have to stand on my own two feet and step into the world as God has instructed. I prayed so hard for that job and for someone else, especially my own mother, to take my blessing away from me for a reason unknown is just hurtful. I did what God command me to I stood tall and I Honored my mother's wishes for me not to go but in the same bible it also states that a parent should not taunt their child. By her taking my blessing away it left me broken and distrustful of her every gesture towards me. I stand here ( well sit here) and tell you today that I will never again allow ANYONE to take away what God has for me. Now as for " your soon to be mother in law should have understood your mother's concerns!" I'm not sure what that has to do with my blog. I've been friends with my BFF for just about 10 years I've been friends with her mother for just about 9 years I have no doubt that they would have taken care of my like I was family. And for the amount of time I was going to be there it would have been over before it started good.
"However, always remember that there are some mistakes that you may never get the opportunity for a second chance, esp for Black folks!" What mistakes are you speaking of......Because in this world we're in on May 21,2008 it does not matter if you're Black or White, Jew or Gentile they will used you abused you and throw you away when their finished."My beloved sister, do not allow your vision to be clouded by the Europeans way of life. This was not our way...! " I'm not clear what I'm doing in a European way...my BFFand her family are a part of my extended family and for me to turn to them during a time of need is so very natural to me and what I've always done when my family was not present in a situation.
But I have a question for you if you don't mined....Why do you as a mother feel that you have to assist your children all throughout their lives? What I mean is....You rasied your child to think for themselves and to allow God to lead them but you still hang on as if what you've taught them is not enough...like God will not guide your child from hurt and danger....a big part of life is making mistakes and learning from them. But if you take away lifes mistakes you'll never learn how to be strong for yourself you'll always look for someone to be strong for you....which is usually what cause the problems they look to the wrong person and find out the hard way.
Again I'll say I do not mean any disrespect of any kind I love mothers and I love my mother and this is how I feel in my heart of hearts and my spirit was very distrubed by your comment, that's why it's so long.
I love you and thank you for opening up you feeling s on the situation to me.
May God Bless you for youe Honest.
Stay strong!
I have so walked in those same shoes. I myself have a mommy, and I love her, but her ways about doing things wreck my spirit. My mother likes to share comments on everything I do. She lets me know how she thinks I should wear my hair, how I should dress, what I should eat, how I should set up my home, and the winner, how I should raise my child. I sometimes just let it go though one ear and out the other. But she is diligent. She then finds time to discuss me with our family and friends. Which is soo embrassing. She has even gone as far as discusses me with my own friends. It is so hard when this your mother, the one who provided you with life and then is the same one does not give you some freedom to live. I have cried long and hard trying to get over what she says and how she acts and then I had enough. I had to wake up and start to live for my child and me. It took a fight but you have to remain strong. I had to start listening to the spirit that dwells in me and follow that feeling. Sometimes I fell flat on my face and had to deal with it, but at least I stepped out. I know ours mother mean well and love us soooo dearly. But we are supoose to go though experencies and obstacles, to learn Jah lessons of life. I also had to leave school at FAMU and come home to work for money. I had to stay with my mom and it was hard. But I took it in stride and fought on to stand up. Got a job and thanked her for all her love and caring ways. And I went back to school. I know your mom loves you and wants the best. But remain strong and try talking to hear. I had to talk to mine and sometimes she does hear me. It is hard but the Lord is near you. I am also here for you. Stay up sistren and you are in my prayers.
Peace and Blessings
Don't beat yourself up SIs!!
First of sis let me say that you shouldn't come so down on yourself about your situation.In the day we live in you find more-and-more college educated people with-out work, you find more people that have had stable jobs and homes laid off,fore-closed homes and who are twice as old as you and I that have moved back home with family in order to survive.We have become what are fore-mothers and fathers had when family members stayed in one unit to make ends meet.Of course mostly everybody want's their own independence and want to do for themselves, but sometimes it is a sacrifice. You know, I too stay with my family and like you it seems when one -situation is solved another comes around. My family and I are very tight and my mother doesn't want me to leave, even though I know I very well should and will once all my matters come into place, but I am also blessed to know that I have a family who doesn't want me out in the streets.I don't know what the relationship is with you and your mother, but despite what it is,give thanks that she is allowing you to stay till you get on your feet.It does sound like she doesn't want you to go and is protecting you, even if it's not the right way to go about it.Talk to your mother, if you feel comfortable, and get some things clear as to why she's doing what she's doing it.I hope you do recieve all that you want, need, and desire for yourself.Stay up Sis and Take Care.
Thanks
Thanks for the outlook because it's hard to see any positive when you're neck deep int it yourself. You remind me of one of my close friends.
I always have my eye to the sky. Thanks again.
Thanks
Thanks for the outlook because it's hard to see any positive when you're neck deep int it yourself. You remind me of one of my close friends.
I always have my eye to the sky. Thanks again.