that's right i said it
i'm having an excellent boob day!
they wouldn't even FIT in one of my sundresses today without some adjustments
and i was like YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
that's what I'M tawnbout
ever since i did gateway 0 in 04
they just weren't ever the same
and i had to get used to them at the size that they were
and by the time that it occurred to me to pray
for them to return to their original size
i'd already bought a GRIP of fly bras at the vicky hush hush semi-annual sale...
well...
the bras are wearing out now
and i decided to pray on my tatas
and they are TRULY showin OUT!
though it might just be my approaching moontime
but my moontime boobs haven't been THIS big in years either!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
GO BOOBIES GO!!!
and as a complete aside...
i'm craving ethiopian food
and italian food
and mcdonalds
and indian food

*sigh*
my life is in total and complete flux...
everytime i think that i've settled on a course of action that will work for me...something shifts again...
not bad choices
just
it's unsettling
i've always been a planner
often to my detriment
i'll plan something and follow that ish through to the end
even if i stop having fun along the way
even if i start to hate what i'm doing and i become depressed i.e. grad school
so...it's a lesson that i have to learn...
i mean i thought i got it
back in 99 when divinity school
had me in existential crisis every other day
i guess this is part 2
or something
cause it feels like the same lesson
stay loose and fluid
otherwise change hurts and if you actively fight against it...
it hurts worse
i feel like Orunmila
in this odu (i can't remember which)
he was a wrestler
and he could pin ANYBODY
and he had a difa that told him to allow himself to be thrown
it was through allowing himself to be thrown
that he was able to find good fortune and become rich...
so i feel like i'm allowing myself to be thrown
i feel like i'm in the middle of a whirlwind
and oya isn't even partially through with me yet!

www.indiepublic.com would be its name...

my homegirl aya.grace hipped me to it on yesterday
and i have just been ALL over the place on it!
lots of helpful info and social support for indie artists!

peace and bliss ladies!

Osunyoyin

i'm currently self-employed...
it is at times hideously scary
sometimes discouraging
i occasionally become depressed about it all

and i'll be thinking...i have all of these things i'm working towards

my jewelry business
selling avon
my life coaching business

and i'm not getting anywhere with them...

i pass out avon books to an entire apartment complex and i haven't gotten ONE call!

but...i've been keeping at it...i did a mass emailing from my avon site to advertise...
i keep tweaking my philsophy and things on my jewelry page and passing out business cards...

about a month ago...(just as i ran out of money)
a sista placed the largest jewelry order that i'd ever received.
she's a loctitian and she purchased a bulk order of my loc jewelry

she called me today to tell me that she sold every single piece of jewelry that she bought from me...and she wants to place another larger order for next month!

she also said that another friend of hers is also wanting to place an order!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

period panties don't have to be ugly ladies...
what if you had 3-7 pair of extra special lacy italian black panties
and those were what you wore for your moontime?

or some extra fun ones with saying or whatever on the back in a navy blue or burgundy cotton?

i switched out my period panties a few months ago and i am SO much happier about it all...

to be wearing sexy panties on my moontime is a glorious thing...

AND

my iya (http://yeyeyeyeo.com)...who has used glad rags and lunapads says that they really don't leak like traditional pads do...so she just choses her period panties based on what makes her pad FIT the best...

so yeah...

they don't have to be ugly...

i have recently been having alot of trouble loving my body the way that it is...
wading through negative thoughts about various parts of me

and so as an act of self love...i have decided to create myself a private myspace page and fill it with pictures of my body...i'm making albums for different parts of me...

i don't think there will be any face shots on the site...and i may not even have any friends on there...

and i'm going to blog lovingly about my body and all of her/my parts and see what happens...

peace and bliss y'all

i am at the tail end of my moontime

 and i'm pleased

towards the end it starts to feel like my ladyparts are suffocating

it's time for me to get on up to wearing some cotton reusable pads

which you can get via

luna pads

pandora pads

or glad rags

i'm also a HUGE fan of sea sponges

they cost alot more if you get them from the health food store or from an alternative menstrual products company...

i usually get mine from an art supply store or...my next ones are coming from wal-mart...i saw a tremendous bag of them there...

i boil the stew out of them when i get em...

and to clean them i soak them in water and peroxide (which will act as a bleaching agent as well)

and the beauty of the sea sponge

is that you can make love with it in...you may have to dig deep to get it out afterwards...but yeah...

i've actually been looking forward to it

i even enjoy my cramps as long as they stay mild

they're just a reminder that my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing

and this time is always a reminder to pamper myself a WHOLE lot

i gave myself the pedicure of life yesterday

orange and turquoise

inspired my my sistafriend's fly manicures!

three of my toes are turquoise

and the rest are orange

so i'm smiling everytime i glance down at my toes

i won't ever have to decided between two colors again!!!!

i'm feeling lethargic

i mean i don't wanna do NOTHIN!

ion't wanna go no where

ion't wanna cook

i just want to eat

sleep

and drink loooooooooooooooooooots of water and juice

i went and bought a few books today

and felt guilty for the $30 that i spent on them

*sigh*

i deeply despise money being a cause for concern in my life

but back to my moontime...

i was folding clothes on saturday
and having a conversation with Oshun
and i came to the realization
that i just don't think that marriage is good.
there isn't anything about it that i have seen that makes me believe
that it is worth it.

i have paid lip service to the goodness of it from time to time
i have imagined myself married to some wonderful human being
and i have gotten to the point that i would consider having a wedding
(cause i used to not want one of those either...OR any of the accompanying bridal hoopla)

and i was sittin there...
and it fell on me
that i just don't believe it's good
i WANT to believe it
but i don't

and i was FLOORED...cause i hadn't been honest wit myself

years ago i remember tellin my mom (i was in either middle or high school at the time) that i thought that marriage is just something that christian people use to legitimize sex and when the heat is gone then you're left with two people who don't even like each other.

i can't say that my view on marriage is EXACTLY the same...

i went on and started gateway 0...modified style today...i'm focusing on getting a decent amount of sleep (which i never do) and drinking enough water (which i never do)

it's modified style because i'm out of money for extra special food until the 8th sooooooooooooooo...i'm focusing on lifestyle changes and i'll add the food in when it can get in...

my iya said...let it meet you where you are...which is what Queen Afua advises as well...so i'm bein easy with myself...

i am ALSO on a sabbatical...i cain't remember if i spoke about it before...but i'm taking time away from my usual relationships (the one with my man included) and i'm being quiet and focusing all of my energy on me.

i'm just fresh outta extra juice at the moment and all i'm able to do is handle my business.

i'm reading a book on money management...called somethin like for the young fabulous and broke...it's a good book...i can't believe i'm reading it! cause i'm TERRIFIED of money in just about every way you can imagine...

BUT i'm getting prepared for my increased cash flow in advance...so when the money COMES...i'll know what to do with it.

so i was watchin snippets of joseph campbell's the power of myth on youtube.com
i believe it was part 6 of the bliss and sacrifice portion of the piece

and he was talking about sacred space...and he spoke on it as not necessarily a tangible space like a room or a section of floor...but he said that sacred space can be a time that you observe each day.

and that blew my mind...he was basically like erybody should have a time each day in which they don't know what happened on the news or who their friends are...and he said that that is where creativity will take hold...or something to that effect

he said that you may not notice anything happening in the beginning but trust that it is working.

i've also taken some space for myself AWAY from other people including my boyfriend. this has assisted me greatly in not feeling so overwhelmed. now if i could manage to make myself go to bed at a decent hour...who KNOWS what might happen!

but i don't have a home...

i was a lil incredulous when my pendulum stopped there...

i currently live on the futon at my sister's house...

and i am HAPPY to be there!

though i am deeply looking forward to being more settled in my own space

i've been a gypsy for the last year or so...

and yet ANOTHER opportunity has opened up for me to travel

this time it's to one of my dream places to live...

it's been a distant fantasy for SO so long and as i write this... i'm thinking that perhaps what i really need to do is to concieve what type of space i want to be in and focus my energy on creating that...

i am DEEPLY excited but also quite afraid... so i'm going to have to get out of my own way and move beyond what i think of as possible dabble a lil bit in the realm of the "IMpossible"

initially when i realized that was in this gateway i was like WHAT in the world???

and i thought to myself...but i have SEVERAL "virtual spaces"

badly...

i hadn't had a chance til today to truly get up off in that ole ask yeye

that ish makes me wanna hunt somebody down and conceive immediately!

truthfully...when i imagine my most free self
sometimes i get glimpses of marrying when i'm GREAT with child
with my belly out...
because that is the ancient goddessy way to get down
celebrate a fertile union...

in any case...what i want most
is to feel like i'm doin it all on my own terms
i want my OWN house in MY name
and my altima
and a steady income from doin something that i love

i'm ready to do like cocoyam from the odu
and settle down in the mud and bear children

i'm also aware that tho i want to have these things before i concieve
it might just be conception that pushes me to do what i need to do to achieve these things...

i had an astrologer read me once...impromptu like on the front steps of this metaphysical shop...just cause i stopped and said hi to him...and asked him how he got into the business of bein an astrologer...

and everything is too damned loud!
i should be at home
or in some kind of a sacred moon lodge

people are talkin loud in my office (i share it with two other people)
my clients are extra loud
the phone keeps ringin
my officemate is sucking his teeth incessantly
i want to THROW something at him
and i'm feelin extra sensitive

BUT

my first group was canceled
AND i have on the lime green eyeliner and eyeshadow of LIFE
and even tho i dyed my hair blonder than i'd like
i might not hate it
i made it wavy
and when i put it up
and i have my fly eye glamour on
i look kinda like a freaky space flower

i might even like it

course i might also put a cinnamon brown rinse in it and call it a day

i know it's not very crunchy granola of me
to dye my hair with anything but henna...
i don't care overly much
i can still digest granola with brown locs

AND i live alone...so when i go home
i'mma be ALONE

and i brought my tiny lil cd player so that i can create a soundbarrier
betwixt myself and the toothsucka

and i have another bag of kava tea that i can drink...

it's not all bad
not at all

good mornin' y'all..

*sigh*

ion't een know where to begin ion't have a mouth to say how GOOD Oshun is to me ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the time! she has a way of makin it all SO SWEET!

lately i been feelin like the old black women in the church say they feel about jesus... it would be enough for me to spend ALL day worshippin' Oshun on some ole…

When I think about Osun And what she's done for me When I think about Osun And how she's set me free I CAN DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE ALL NIGHT!!!

Cause not only will she make a way outta no way She will make sure that it is paved with gold And littered with brass and beads and abundance And she will make it so you have a new outfit to wear as you proceed down the path that she has made for you wit her coral comb

Woman is the creator of the universe,
the universe is her form;
woman is the foundation of the world,
she is the true form of the body.
Whatever form she takes,
whether the form of a man or a woman,
is the superior form.
In woman is the form of all things,
of all that lives and moves in the world.
There is no jewel rarer than woman,
no condition superior to that of a woman.
There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any destiny to equal that of a woman;
there is no kingdom, no wealth,
to be compared with a woman;
there is not, nor has been, nor will be
any holy place like unto a woman.
There is no prayer to equal a woman.
There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any yoga to compare with a woman,
no mystical formula nor asceticism
to match a woman.
There are not, nor have been, nor will be
any riches more valuable than woman.

Saktisangama Tantra

feeds me
cold
wet (cause he sucks on 'em a lil bit first)
french fries

cause he loves me
and he likes to share...

my brief sermonette...

y'all i just wanted to share witchall

that i am joyful to day
THIS day right here in this moment
i am filled with delight

i have experienced A LOT of flux and turmoil
that was not of my own making

well...maybe i agreed to it in orun so that i wouldn't get stuck where i am *smile*

but yeah...some ish that didn't have nothin to do wit me
chortled up all around me
that EXU/Mercury retrograde WORKED my ass, hear?

the next phase of my journey is coming together
it's coming together nicely
piece by piece

it's like that scene on indiana jones
where he had to walk across that invisible bridge...
mmhm
i had to step out
and as i keep puttin my foot out
another piece of the path appears underneath it

and i am writing to remind you
that anything that you are doing
that makes you feel bad
unsafe
nauseous
bored to death
anxious
overly irritated
unappreciated
or otherwise unluscious

STOP IT

you have all the power that you need
to craft the life that you want

i will not lie to you

it is scary
it is not always comfortable