My parents provided me with the time and space to reflect and get my life back on rails. Both of my yuth are in Suriname and I will be alone to think over /sort out /let go all the things that have been causing stress or been draining me financially, emotionally or both. My babies will be back on the 28th of July and I pray that Jehova will guide me in accomplishing all, in order to be the mother my yuth deserve, a Goddess, Empress, true Lioness.

To do:
-Confront my ex.
He needs to make a official choice to whether or not he is planning to take an active role in raising his sons. He also needs to step up to the plate financially, I invested in this man and was the strong force (and financier) behind him finishing his education, getting a good job and making promotion. His belongings are still in my care (I had them stored in a city box) he needs to come and pick those up as well.

- Body Temple

Yesterday night I was sitting on the couch and started inspecting my locs. Basically I neglected them and needed to assess the damage. My locs are full of lint and I started picking out the lint from one of my locs before I knew it I had loose hair!!!

Thank you for your encouragement and all the love you have shown me. Even though I am physically tired, mentally and emotionally I feel more charged and alive than I have felt in a very long time. My heart breaks for my sons but as they say in my homeland "wan ogri tyari wan boen" something ugly has brought something good, my father turn out to be a man that I can trust and depend on he has taken over the father role for my sons and makes sure that their wellbeing is met both emotionally and financially. He is leaving in May and we decided that it would be best if he took my youngest one with him. A change of scenery will do him a world of good, and he will be surrounded by family members that have nothing but his best interest at heart.

I decided to enter Gateway 1 (Sacred woman) sacred words, I felt so much anger and said so many horrible (all true) things to my ex and his mother it sickened me that those words left my mouth. I realized that words can be just as enslaving as situations, and can hurt others as much as a whip.

I have been accused of racism and adultery over and over again in these last weeks. Not by strangers but by the man who I shared most of my adult life with. A man that I trusted with my mind, body and soul the father of my sons once my soul mate now seemingly my foe.

These last weeks I've been running around organizing a babyshower for my sis-in-law (it was great fun we had a high tea sil had a great time and was extremely delighted), preparing for the arrival of my parents (next weekend) and inlisting our sons in new schools. The eldest will be finished with elementery school in June and will be attending grammer school as of next schoolyear. The mere thought of it makes my stomach act "rollercoastery" my baby will go to school all alone on his bike and he will not need me anymore (I know that is dramatic but it is how I feel!)

In order not to forget my native language I decided to start writing poetry. The poetry is mostly inspired by things that happen in the Surinam-community both home and abroad.

I am so tired of people abusing our heritage to slack off in life. Everything that happens to them is "takru sani" bad things that other people have "put" on them never taking accountability for their own actions. Every weekend they go to a "prei" (ritual gathering where people use musical instruments to call unto the gods and winti's ) calling on Mama Aisa (Mother earth) to help them and save them.

Yere Mi

yere mi
archi mi

yu taki dat na soso lobi
soso lobi gi mama aisa
prodo koto nanga anisa
dansi singi begi
"mama aisa yu mu yere wi"

noiti denki dat na aladei libi
aladei libi e sori lobi
taigi mi dat me lei
tagi mi dati yu denki mama aisa alla den dei

yere mi
achri mi

fa yu kan begi a sem mama ye kiri
ala dei ye kiri wan pispisi
noti yu sdon fu denki
fa yu e doti mama
at mama broko eng ati
trowe doti tap mama

yere mi

Recipe Cleansing Ritual

Most Afro-Surinamese do a cleansing ritual before the year change or their birthdays. However this cleansing ritual can be used to cleanse your Kra when you feel out of balance or out of touch with Self. This is one of the most basic and simple recipes most of the items are found in your kitchen cupboards or medicine cabinet. The reason I am sharing this recipe is because I believe firmly in the principal of "each one teach one" There are lots of afrikan descendants all over the world that have lost touch with their roots. Rituals taken from the homeland were forgotten and in times of illness or despair no one knows how to gather themselves again and start fresh. I hope that if you recognize yourself in that description that this sweet water will help you to reposition yourself.

The cleansing water is referred to as a bath but under no circumstances is one to sit or stand in the prapi! The water is thrown onto yourself (or your child if that is who you are bathing) with a calabash while praying to Anana, Komfo's, Djodjo's, Kra and Mama fu doti.

To make a cleansing-water you will need the following ingredients:

Okay this is one of my favorite lazy day recipes it is made with canned red kidney beans but pls feel free to pre-boil dry beans and use those!

1 cucumber
1 red onion
1 Scotch Bonnet (make a small batch without this for the kids!)
100 ml water
100 ml vinegar (white)
A few grains of Chinese sugar (this is like a sweetener be careful it is very sweet and needs to be added grain by grain to be able to control the sweetness You may substitute with 2 tablespoons of sugar)
1 tsp whole dried allspice berries
5 cloves
pinch of salt
pinch of black pepper
optional pinch of ajinomoto *

Cut cucumber lengthwise de-seed and cut in slices about 1,5 inch thick, cut red onion in rings, cut pepper in half de-seed. Put water and vinegar in a bowl and add sugar, dried allspice berries, cloves, adjinomoto, salt, black pepper stir well and add cucumber and red onion. Make day before so all the flavors have infused.

• 3 tablespoons of evoo
• 2 zucchini's (in cubes)
• 1 onion chopped
• 5 cloves of garlic (crushed)
• 4 cans of tomato cubes
• 10 tablespoons of dried mixed Italian herbs (you can choose to buy fresh herbs I don't because the wilt before I can finish them)
• 1 tablespoons of brown sugar (you can add a bit more to taste)
• Aromat to taste (1,5 tablespoon)

This sauce I use as a basis for homemade pizza's or as pastasaus. this is enough for serving a family of 4 twice so half of it can go in the freezer.

Heat 2 tablespoons of evoo, add onions until "glassy" add garlic, dried Italian herbs and 1 tablespoon of evoo. On medium heat keep stirring until your kitchen smells like the herbs, add zucchini stir, lower heat put lid on and leave to simmer until zucchini is a little softer (not too soft!) add tomato cubes stir and add brown sugar and aromat to taste. Let simmer for about 10 minutes to allow all the flavors to infuse. Use staff mixer or blender to make into a smooth sauce or leave as is if your family likes chunks.

I have been feeling extremely blue lately I don't want to call it depressed because I am afraid that it I give it that title it will grow out into a full blown depression. So let's just call it a severe case of the blues.

I have been feeling ill the last months and even though I am physically feeling much better I can't seem to cheer myself up. I can only see the minus-side of things instead of looking at my blessings. Let's take "sacred woman" for instance I love the book and was so excited that we would read it in the new YMIB reading circle. I was well prepared printed the reading guide and took a fresh notebook to journal my progress. There are a few times that Queen Afua suggests a bath with Epsom salt and I get agitated thinking why on earth does this woman think that everyone has a bath in their home??? I only have a shower see this book is not written for me. Then comes the sacred timetable again not for me I cannot possibly with all my meds wake up between 4 and 5 in the morning! I decided to lay the book away until the bad mood and vibes had past.

Moksie alesie (mixed rice) little history this dish is originally a slave dish. Slaves where given left-overs from the main kitchen. By mixing all of these left-overs delicious dishes were created, we (Surinamese) to this day still enjoy our ancestors their recipes. Now don’t be fooled the meals are just as tasty as they are inexpensive and always healthy!

Ingredients (please adapt to left overs in your own fridge! I have made this dish vegan, vegetarian, with all kinds of meat left-overs for my uncles as long as you make sure that a phalanx of fluid is covering the rice feel free to experiment with beans I have used red kidney beans (not a favourite) and butterbeans (extremely yummie!) Lots of people add dried shrimps but we don’t eat shellfish but if you like and have some in the fridge just add some!

• 100 gr of left over fish/red meat or chicken cut in small pieces or pulled apart to shred
• 1 small smoked fish (deboned and skinned)
• 1 onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 scottisch bonet pepper
  

Today I taught my eldest son how to make syrup. Syrup or stroop as surinamese call it or siroop as the dutch call it is a thick sugarsyrop with essences and citric acid. It is used as a "lemonade" diluted with water and given to children as a drink (okay so it might be a kid drink but I love it and so do all the other grownups I know ) I have searched several American sites for a bottled syrup to show a pic but I could not find any! Is this true don't American's make homemade syrup? There are so many benefits for making your own syrup: it's cheap, it's tasty, you know exactly what flavors go in so you can minimize the artificial flavors, you can make sugar free syrup for diabetics and it's quick too! This is the recipe for syrup made with white sugar and pineapple and cola flavor Ingredients:

• 1 pk of white sugar (1 kilo)
• 2 glasses of water (500 ml half a liter)
• food aroma essence* (2 teaspoons in total so one of each if using different flavors)
• citric acid (1 teaspoon)

My lil and big men just absolutely love falafel! It was the first vegan dish that they all kept asking for over and over again. I think they like both the taste and the "fast food" look of the it. I have to confess that I always make falafel out of a box the mix is vegan and there are no artificial flavors, it makes a quick meal (just add water and some more seasoning to taste, form small balls and fry) and it is healthy we eat it with pita and a fresh salad of lettuce, tomatoes, some corn, cucumbers and red onions thinly sliced the men add some garlic sauce (we don't have the vegan kind yet so this makes it a veggie dish all of a sudden LOL)

I found a great online tutorial on how to make falafel and I am planning to try this recipe not only with chickpeas but also with black eye peas to make an Caribbean version called Kala. Wanna give it a try as well? Check out the video!

Love this! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Blessed sunday all!

I have just completed gateway 5 from Queen Afua's Sacred woman, I had no idea how to really read the book until I saw a post on Nappturality from a sister that just opened the book to a gateway that she felt she needed most. I decided to try that method and ended up in gateway 5. I describe in my blog why that gateway you are welcome to read: http://chayil-sacred-woman.blogspot.com/2007/11/thank-yous-and-letting-g...

I entered the gateway mid November and felt ready to close it on the 31st of December.

I scrubbed every inch of my house, threw away all clutter and all traces of a past that was somewhat haunting me still. I started in the kitchen together with my DH and we removed everything from the kitchen and scrubbed the ceiling, walls and floor. Mondays are my "days off" my youngest goes to the daycare and I have time to tend to the house in peace. I used every Monday to tackle a room, every room in the house was cleaned thoroughly, clutter was removed, window washed and left open to allow GOD's breezes to remove negative vibes. When a room was totally finished I lit a candle and burned some incense and prayed that we would all find rest in that room.

If there is anything that YMIB thought me it's to make life beautiful! Creativity not only feeds the soul it also doesn't give the devil time to put insecurity and fear into my head.

My lil one wanted to go to the daycare center today and since he doesn't have a fever anymore and seems to be doing fine I agreed that he could go but when he is feeling ill or too tired I would pick him back up. I was sitting next to the phone petrified ever since DH dropped him off! Afraid to go upstairs to take a shower caus I might not hear the phone ring, stressing myself and feeling more restless by the minute.

I decided to come on YMIB to read some articles and ease my mind when I felt the sudden urge to do something creative! Now mind you I am not really the creative kind. A week ago my cousin came to stay with me and because we were housebound because of my lil one we decided to make collage. It took me about 6 hours and a lot of frustration to make one and even though I was pleased with the results I wasn't planning to make another one any time soon!! LOL

A few years ago my cousin introduced me to the teachings of Queen Afua. I bought her books and even though a lot of things she was writing about were extremely "foreign" to me in a sense it was like coming home. I was born in a country in South-America and a large part of my homeland consists of rain forest. As a little girl I have no recollection of ever seeing pharmaceuticals in our home or in any family or friends home for that matter. Everything ailment was "fixed" with herbs, prayers and herbal baths.

When we moved to the Dutch Antilles we were introduced to islands with a completely different cultivation than what we were used to. Thankfully "home" was a just a 5 hour flight away and there was always a family member or friend visiting who brought dried herbs and oils for my mom to use.