This really is the hardest job in the world. I'm no one's mother... But just babysitting shoves me in to reality. You have to be ready. Focused.... and have a good head on your shoulders. I wonder how people have five and six or sometimes more children. I could never understand what it takes until I get there (that's if I do). It takes discipline and understanding, patience and creativity, nurturing and affection (they aren't one and the same, trust) and most of all the ability to let go.

I say the latter as most of all because I have found that to be the hardest thing for a mother to do. I mean, come on, she's raised you to become the person you are and all of a sudden she has just let you fly free? Yes. That's what life is about and sometimes its harded for her seed to just let go. So it goes both ways.

so happy today... my nephew was born today... and wonderful how everything comes together. went right in an the lil homie popped out... sweet... life is great... and this MAN (i can finally say that since he's a man not a fool) I'm interested in was inquiring about me... i found this out today. Good things come to those who wait! never had such a great monday!!!

I think back to when I was younger coming up in the 90's. Much of my growth occured during this time and I love reflecting back on this time. But, while I get mushy gushy and nostalgic, I remember that I was what most people feel is deprived of much. I never learned to ride a bike, skate properly (and I bust my behind this past Sunday at a roller rink 3 1/2 times, so I really can attest!) or do any of those things. Living with a Caribbean mother in Brooklyn, NY... I wasn't going anywhere. However, the first few years of my life was spent with my older brother who is 18 years older than I am. HE taught me over those early years that music was of great importance. He may not have even known that he taught me this. Goodness, thinking back, I was exposed to so many varieties... Anita Baker to Zhane. And its all helped me. Helped me grow and so many other things have happened. I love that it has done this. I have a song for every mood. From some old school house music with Ten City when I wanna dance to Teddy Riley Rumpshaker!!!

Its reallly hard. Its so hard sometimes to deal with the smack in my face everyday. He's getting married today and not to me. But to a girl who used to be my buddy and looks just like me. Its been a year and a half. Im over him... its her i can't stand. I was supposed to be out today having a good time, with my TRUE friends distracting me from it. But instead, Im here lone this morning with no one to hug me. I need a little boost. I need the boost because that could have been me. But I keep repeating to myself... "She did me a favor. He ain't no good." But that doesn't take away all the pain. Its hard to deal with this... But I have grown as a person so much from this experience. I have seen for myself who my real friends are. So I've turned on Jilly from Philly

Don’t feel no pity for me
Cause I’m going through a couple things,
Life means change,
That’s the way it goes,goes
All my life I had a constant burning
A strong deep,desire
An aching ambiguous,yearning,yearning,
yearning

For something better
For something bigger
For something wider
For something higher
And lots of regrets
Cause I ain’t seem to found it yet
I’ve been searching around the world

Imma try to make this one short. I love these two movies that I have just seen... Juno which, if I'm not mistaken, won Best Screenplay and The Waitress, starring Keri Russell from Felicity. These movies both take lighthearted approaches to very big life changes... As I'm writing this I realize that they both include pregnancy. Anyway, they don't capitalize and make fun of these things but they really bring to mind things like self affirmation. They are humorous but wonderful. PLEASE see these movies. I LOVED them and hope you will too!

no one has posted a blog on weddings and i am so interested to know from all of you, why? i love weddings... (I'm currently in the process of trying to crash a former friend of mine's very soon... no no no just kidding!) Anywhoo, what are some tradtions from past generations from your famlies and even tradtitons of today? I'll start with mine...

Well, my family is from Guyana, South America. When ANYONE gets married, its usually nothing small... I mean COUSINSSSSS come out of the woodwork, people you haven't seen in ages. Well, the nights before a wedding (an even a funeral) for us is no small matter. There is food at the bride's house, food and did i mention food? We also have this thing called Kweh Kweh which is kinda like a bachelorette (w/o the dancers... ahem)... check the video...

Exasperation, annoyance, vexation, irritation, dissatisfaction, discontentment, aggravation.

I know that this site is all about loving oneself and "making it beautiful". But part of doing so is keeping it real. I'm very tense and frustrated at this present moment. There are sometimes in life when it just feels like NOTHING is going right. I mean nothing ever goes my way in life period but it just gets worse and worse and I feel like I can't handle it. I get myself together after awhile but... i dunno.

Maybe that "I dunno" is that feeling of frustration, isn't it? Its that feeling of not knowing where to start, how to finish, how to handle everything that overwhelms a person... ALL THAT... those aforementioned words that are synonymous with frustration. I'm tired as hell. At this present moment, I'm in a coffeehouse waiting for a friend to come and meet me and the fact that ppl can NEVER be on time makes me frustrated. Its not even a mood I'm in. I feel like Im always at the brunt of stuff.

What songs remind you of Summer? I'm in love with the season and feel that its the best time for everyone to shine. Living in NYC, I remember so many songs from summers past that automatically put you in that summer groove...
Speaking of that summer groove and vibe... Summer in NYC is amazing. Once your hear that ice cream truck outside, you know its warm. Where I live, there is a band that practices for the West Indian Day parade on Labor Day. They play the steel pan... It rocks me to sleep every night. Then there's the little cart with the shaved ice with condensed milk... or even Gino's ices on Flatbush and Lincoln Rd. Or the fact that I don't have to wear 5 million layers... I wake up, shower, brush my teeth, lotion and throw the clothes on... takes no more than 20 - 25 min... them walking down Church Ave. is another thing, Mangoes sold with salt and pepper sauce... Straight Caribbean and lovely. Notice, I talk about food mostly. I live to eat, sistahs
*SIGH* I cannot wait till summer...
Here are some songs that remind me of summer:
*****Summertime - Fresh Prince****
I Get Around - Tupac
My Boo - Ghost Town DJ's
Rock the Boat - Aaliyah

Here is my inspiration, ladies.

NEVER let yourself get to a point where you're so low that you're true self esteem is attacked. Yes, sometimes we have issues where we have a blow to our self- esteem and may feel low. But I'm talking about the self - esteem that defines us (OK I'm starting to sound like I'm on Oprah or something). I know many a sister (and a few brothers) that let their issues and problems get the best of them. It seems as if ALL of our problems gang up on us all at once; problems with brothers, sisters, relationship issues (romantic and non - romantic ) balancing spiritual things with the rest of the day to day tasks we have. When you start to speak to them, you can tell their emotions are shot and nothing could make their situations any worse. But you see, that's just it. As they say, if you're at the bottom, there ain't nowhere else to go but up!